Uh Oh.....This may be a deal breaker.... - Page 4 - SailNet Community
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post #31 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Well, the two of you are not handcuffed to each other (as far as I know), and it appears you do not have children, so you do not have to engage in family activities together for the sake of the children.

Therefore, you should each engage in the activities that make your hearts glad - you can sail across the open seas; she can run up the credit cards while having an affair with your buddy who keeps declining your invitations to go sailing...
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post #32 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Sounds to me like the Mrs might need to become just Ms

Jesting aside, by the type of boat you have and cars you drive it sounds like you have the financial ability to please all parties.
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post #33 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Also, if you DO decide to trade her in (the wife of course) I would seriously consider setting sail to Brazil. Once there you can find a new Mrs. who you can marry on two-year terms. Its basically a marriage contract that can be renewed or not after two year intervals.
Isn't life grand?

Trade in and trade up!
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post #34 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewportNewbie View Post
While my wife has up to now been VERY pro-sailing...tonight we went out for an Ocean sail...to me..it was NOT that bad...maybe 3-4 foot waves...a tad bit choppy and 15-knot winds...Not a cloud in the sky. After being out for about 45 minutes, she wanted to turn back..."I have to hold on too much and this isn't how I remembered sailing 20 years ago...We used to be able to lay out on the deck.". Not sure what kind of sailboat she was on back then and she doesn't know either, but its pretty obvious that she doesn't like how this boat sails. I was smiling and the previous owner was with us and he was saying how he loved being out there. She also had a wave hit her dead in the face...
I'm a bit amazed at the number of folks that suggest (only partly in jest) that you keep the boat and toss the wife. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

There are days when sailing is hard work. Hard work can be fun and exhilarating, but sometimes we just don't feel like doing it. If your wife was in the mood for a nice relaxing sail, she wouldn't have been happy with those conditions.

A few weeks ago, we were beating home. The apparent wind was around 20 knots and the wind waves were a bit higher than typical here. I was having a great time, however my wife was tired and starting to get annoyed at the constant tacking North up the Sound. She finally told me that she was NOT having fun anymore. I dropped the sails and we continued home under power. In retrospect, I should have just reduced sail and motorsailed home as the ride would have been a bit more comfortable. This last weekend, we were heading home with 8 knots of True wind on the nose. I was just as happy to motor against wind and tide, but it was my wife that suggested we put up the sails.

My point is to suggest that you don't put too much weight on this one experience. In the future, if the conditions look a bit "invigorating", determine what your wife is looking for before going out. There may be some days when she would enjoy a hard sail and there may be other days when she isn't. Also, it is better to reef early before someone becomes anxious or annoyed than afterwords.

I love to sail, but I also like having places to go. For us, this works out well. My wife likes to relax on the boat so we will head some place and either anchor or tie up at a slip. I don't think that we would own a boat if it's primary use was to simply sail around for a few hours then head back to the dock. While I would enjoy it, she wouldn't get as much out of it.

Good luck and don't panic yet.

Dave

47*20'11.7" N
122*35'20.8" W
S/V Legacy, Catalina 400 MkII, Hull #328
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post #35 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Quote:
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Also, if you DO decide to trade her in (the wife of course) I would seriously consider setting sail to Brazil...
Plus, it increases your odds of finding a woman who looks good in a Brazilian thong bikini!
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post #36 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4arch View Post
... After racing yesterday in 15-20 knots my wife surprised me by saying "if I had known I was going to love racing so much, I would have been ok with us buying a racier boat!"

...
eh! eh! it seems that not all wives like fat comfortable boats and that fun is for some a main factor in sailing. Cheers to your wife!

You should see the smile on my daughter face when, after sailing for a week a Hanse 341, she take the wheel of a Salona 41:

How!!!! I like this one, she said while the boat glided easily making almost 8K.

Regards

Paulo



Regards

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post #37 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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I agree with Dhayes and the poster from Cape Cod, above. Sometimes you just have to dial it back a bit. I am up in NE and have the opportunity to sail out to Cuttyhunk or Martha's Vineyard on a day sail. Although, she's only taken me up on it once, one time on a more challenging day, wife took ferry to the Vineyard and joined me when I got there later that day. That is possible in a number of locations here. But overall, she is a trooper, although she is mildly sea sick most times. I am sympathetic. I remember being on many boats where I was not at the helm and just along for the ride. It is a different experience when you are not at the helm or actively participating. Those experiences can just be never ending slog, while the Captain is in heaven with the wind blowing through his/her hair.
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post #38 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Hopefully she will learn to like the boat. Take your time with her just as you did the boat. Sail the hell out of the boat when alone, or others.

I am sure you read in my blog where I left my wife standing on the dock on S.F Bay. While I sailed away to Mexico, and she was yelling I can't believe you're doing this! Eventually this was a cuase for divorce. Hopefully you will find a better solution.......i2f

20 MPH ain't fast unless, you do it in a 1000sq 3/2 house on 10foot waves
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BORROWED, No single one of us is as smart as all of us!
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post #39 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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I hate to say it, as I am a monohull guy the the core, but have you considered a catamaran? It's been my experience that they sail flatter and more sea-kindly that monohulls of the same size. It might save your marriage. Giving up a wife is hard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewportNewbie View Post
While my wife has up to now been VERY pro-sailing...tonight we went out for an Ocean sail...to me..it was NOT that bad...maybe 3-4 foot waves...a tad bit choppy and 15-knot winds...Not a cloud in the sky. After being out for about 45 minutes, she wanted to turn back..."I have to hold on too much and this isn't how I remembered sailing 20 years ago...We used to be able to lay out on the deck.". Not sure what kind of sailboat she was on back then and she doesn't know either, but its pretty obvious that she doesn't like how this boat sails. I was smiling and the previous owner was with us and he was saying how he loved being out there. She also had a wave hit her dead in the face...So its gonna probably be the beginning of the end. At some point she will start to drop hints that we should sell the boat...then the hints will be flat out demands. Happened to the Porsche's. OR, she will want a bigger, smoother more comfortable boat. She loves the Beneteau Oceanis 50, but again, thats a whole different animal....and a whole different price! I bluntly asked if se wants to sell the boat, she said no, I can sail with my buddies...but we bought it to enjoy together. She likes the smooth water of the harbor, I like the open water. I am really trying hard to figure out a way that she can get into it more. She isn't all that interested in learning to sail, she wants to ride along comfortably.

Captain Bill

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"It ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of sailing is? Love. You take a boat in to sea that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her afloat when she oughtta founder... tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens… makes her a home." Captain Malcom Reynolds, Paraphrased
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post #40 of 79 Old 10-17-2011
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Seriously, now, as long as she said you don't have to sell the boat, get some sailing buddies, give her a new hobby she loves, and enjoy the boat.

If you can afford the 50 footer, by all means....

No need to trade in any wives.

Water is Life
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