Uh Oh.....This may be a deal breaker....

NewportNewbie · #1 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

While my wife has up to now been VERY pro-sailing...tonight we went out for an Ocean sail...to me..it was NOT that bad...maybe 3-4 foot waves...a tad bit choppy and 15-knot winds...Not a cloud in the sky. After being out for about 45 minutes, she wanted to turn back..."I have to hold on too much and this isn't how I remembered sailing 20 years ago...We used to be able to lay out on the deck.". Not sure what kind of sailboat she was on back then and she doesn't know either, but its pretty obvious that she doesn't like how this boat sails. I was smiling and the previous owner was with us and he was saying how he loved being out there. She also had a wave hit her dead in the face...So its gonna probably be the beginning of the end. At some point she will start to drop hints that we should sell the boat...then the hints will be flat out demands. Happened to the Porsche's. OR, she will want a bigger, smoother more comfortable boat. She loves the Beneteau Oceanis 50, but again, thats a whole different animal....and a whole different price! I bluntly asked if se wants to sell the boat, she said no, I can sail with my buddies...but we bought it to enjoy together. She likes the smooth water of the harbor, I like the open water. I am really trying hard to figure out a way that she can get into it more. She isn't all that interested in learning to sail, she wants to ride along comfortably.

Ninefingers · #2 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

Uh oh.

On the plus side, your boat is in stellar condition, and shouldn't be a tough sell should you decide to move to a bigger boat. Has she been on a Oceanis 50? That's a lot of boat. How about gently used modern production boat around 36'? You would be astonished how much bigger they are than your current boat.

NewportNewbie · #3 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

We saw the Oceanis 50 at the boat show...I think its HUGE...she now equates bigger with smoother....The current boat to her is a little sports car...loud, bumpy, fast....she wants slow, comfortable and smooth...thats why she drives a Range Rover, and I drove a Porsche.

tommays · #4 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

I just do wife sailing in her comfort zone with friends and young ones that feel the same and race sailing with other friends that have a outlook closer to mine

It keeps everybody happy and lets them enjoy sailing VS hating it

Dog Ship · #5 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

My wife and I already agreed that if we were not going to make this a fun thing for "both" of us then, well.
We have agreed that if we do not still have smiles on our faces when we return to the dock then we are not doing this.
I have been over ruled by the admiral only once and we returned to the dock still married and smiling.
I like my boat but I love my wife.
Peter

peterchech · #6 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

Similar issues here. If I could afford it id buy a multihull. Its the heeling that makes my woman uncomfortable. Your wife could actually sunbathe on a Catamaran while you sail. But even a used multi is quite pricy, and often costs more for a slip at the marina.

CalypsoP35 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

Tommays has it right. Buying my P35 is the only major decision that my wife and I have disagreed on. Over time she has understood that it was the right decision because of the use and enjoyment I get out of it. I work pretty hard and she understands the boat is one of the few things that keeps me sane.

While the wife still doesn't love being on the water, I make sure we do a few destination sails each summer that she enjoys. For her it's about spending a weekend on Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard. For me it's the enjoyment of the sail there and back. We also do a few sunset sails when the wind is not very strong.

I get my real sailing fix by racing and doing a couple of sailing weekends with friends.

So it is possible to make everyone happy, even when one person is just a fairweather sailor.

PalmettoSailor · #8 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

I'd say my tolerance for "spirited" sailing is likely higher than many of my peers and certainly much higher than my wifes, but even I find it looses its luster after a few hours when every action (even sitting still) takes an act of will to accomplish. Beating into 20+ knots in the Chesapeake's steep, short chop, gets old after a few hours for sure and going the other way, the motion of the stern being lifted and shoved one way or the other is no fun either.

There are times when you wish your boat was a big Cabo Rico or Bayfield or some other lumbering behemoth like that. However, there are many more times in my area where those boats are essentially trawlers with a stick. So since you can't really have the best of both worlds (there are some boats that claim you can, but in price points beyond my means) its better to err on the side of "typical" conditions and choose to stay at the dock when the wind and waves exceed typical by a fair margin.

If you're out in it, or in a situation where you need to go out in conditions that are less than comfortable, but within the limits of safety, reef the heck out of it and go for it. If the boat is balanced, without excessive heel, the pounding isn't nearly as taxing. I don't think I'll ever convince my wife that such conditions are "fun" but when she can take the helm and not have to fight the boat or stand on the coamings because of huge heel angles, she's certainly less anxious than if we were sailing on the verge of control.

bljones · #9 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewportNewbie

At some point she will start to drop hints that we should sell the boat...then the hints will be flat out demands. Happened to the Porsche's.

Maybe you should explain to her how much you are going to miss her. Life is too short to live with anyone who makes demands. Once demands are involved, it's no longer a relationship, it is a kidnapping.

Man up and sail and damn the consequences. You know how to single-hand and you're obviously enjoying the hell out of it- keep on keeping on. Either she'll get on board, or she won't.

SJ34 · #10 (**permalink**) 10-17-2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by tommays

I just do wife sailing in her comfort zone with friends and young ones that feel the same and race sailing with other friends that have a outlook closer to mine

It keeps everybody happy and lets them enjoy sailing VS hating it

+2

It may not have been too rough for you but was probably too much too soon for her. Maybe take her out for late morning or mid-day sails when the wind is light and save the sundowners for your more adventurous friends. It is very likely she will become comfortable enough to tolerate an occasional rough sail. I've been in your shoes and it worked for me.