I dont feel safe with husband onboard - Page 2 - SailNet Community
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post #11 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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I'd recommend the two of you takes the CYA sailing courses together, starting at the very beginning. Work your way up through coastal cruising. You can rest assured that your knowledge and skill will increase and so will his.
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post #12 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Originally Posted by jameswilson29 View Post
This couple needs marital counselling, not sailing lessons.
That's as maybe, however, seeing as this is a sailing website, not the Opra Winfrey Show, I think suggestions regarding marriage counselling might be better addressed via PM. Hey, maybe you can score a new client to hold in the disdain to which you seem to hold others.

Your recommendation of English lessons had no bearing on the OP's question regarding sailing, nor your innappropriate comments about her relationship.

There are many contributors to this forum who are from other than the United States and for whom English is not a first language. The quality of thier contributions should be judged on the content or concept of their post not the manner in which it was delivered.
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post #13 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Thankfully my wife trusts me for "now"... I'm sure there will come a time when I scare both of us!

Sounds like you both need more experience, only one way to get that...

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post #14 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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It's a very good point that it would be fairly unrecoverable if your husband were to read your exposure to strangers on the Internet. I also have to say, there is a cast of suspicion when these kind of stories and requests for advice are someone's first post to strangers. Often they are just intended to spark a conflict here.

Assuming its all legit, it is at least possible that this is a power struggle. I can't know. Those comments did have me reflecting on my own relationship. My second wife just took sailing lessons a few years ago. Never ever sailed before. I've been on the water for over 30 years. She is a very strong and independent woman (one of the things I love about her). However, at first she would question a lot of what we were doing and would want everything explained before she would act. "Release the main!!" is not usually requested with time to explain. There is no doubt that she didn't want to feel the need to be told what to do, but wanted to be independent and able to make the call herself. It's all settled down (well almost all) and we work together very well now. Not the OP's exact scenario, but it takes effort from both spouses to achieve mutual respect at sea.
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post #15 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Woops! Sorry, Wifey- looks like you're getting more than you bargained for.. all sorts of advice. I didn't mean to agree with "all" posts, but you see how things can take a tangent in a direction you didn't intend. I think your english and writing skills are fine- the message got across. There are more posts on this forum that lack proper sentence structure, grammar and punctuation (mine included), that can be just as misleading as one where english skills are second to that of another language, so you can't fault her for that. And we wonder why more women aren't posting on sailnet...
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post #16 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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I suspect that he was as scared as you in the excessive heel and accidental gybes, but as a guy he was presenting a stoic face and toughing it out as a way to make you feel more secure. Just being a normal guy.

I would suggest you both take some more sailing courses separately and build skills and enough self confidence to not go the "fake it till you make it" route.
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post #17 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Wifey, I'm going to reiterate the suggestion about taking some classes, but unless you have an unusually good relationship, it might be better to do them separately -- at least at first. It seems that you don't fully trust your husband in this context. That might be totally appropriate here, I don't know, but it makes you feel guilty and him humiliated. You should get some experience on keelboats with a skipper you really do trust. Also, you may find it easier to take instruction from someone you're not emotionally involved with.

And your husband should get some experience in a setting where he can screw up without shame, so both of you can get the experience (and third-party validation) you need to be able to trust each other. A boat is too small a space and cooperation is too critical to have a crew who is screaming at each other.

Last edited by -OvO-; 01-10-2012 at 09:40 AM.
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post #18 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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I just can't shake the nagging feeling that this is a troll post.

If it's not...

The assessment that I make from the very limited information provided, is that the husband is prone to biting off more than he can chew, and does not recognize his own limitations, nor does he care to have them pointed out to him.

As such, presenting him with a gift of sailing lessons may just insult him, not encourage him to improve himself. Marriage counseling may indeed, be in order. At the very least, a very tactful approach to showing the husband that he needs more education and experience, and only "Wifey" knows best how to do that.

Good luck with that.

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post #19 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Rig a preventer on the main, a 25 footer in any seaway is a handful ddw. Never stand so you can get hit buy the boom. If you don't like the heel reduce sail. Have a talk ( off the boat) about your concerns when things are calm . It is stressful getting a new to you boat home.
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post #20 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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I second the troll post. Reads an allfull lot like the emails I get every week from the UK. I just won 1.5 million this morning.
To the post if legit.
You are both in over your heads. Get some lessons. Go on a charter w/ some experianced friends. Confidence takes practice and time. That or an lawyer.
My wife and I met racing over 30 years ago. We work as a great team but still occasionally raise our voices in tence moments when the winds up.

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