I dont feel safe with husband onboard - Page 5 - SailNet Community

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post #41 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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First I need to explain what I meant by "screaming." By screaming, I meant screaming so he wouldn't kill me with the boom, waiting for the fear to subside and the situation to come under control, then apologizing, and attempting to talk it out. I also want to say again that I was directly in the path of the boom. So some say this was over reacting - maybe. What would the better course of action be? Duck? Watch the metal boom swing over my head, observe the damage on the boat after the fact, then look at my husband and ask if he is okay? I'm am actually just curious what people think is the right response in this kind of situation. Obviously using a lower voice is an option, but I had about half a second to get him to stop turning.
Your OP made it sound like you were screaming at him in anger (i.e. - not helping, just screaming) - then being a bit jerky by refusing to allow him (or even help him) to raise the sails when the conditions were right. At least you made him sound pretty nice and accommodating. That's cool.

Always hard to know everything that really goes on behind the written word. Especially when it comes from an iPhone that has lousy language skills...heh-heh.

Damn you Auto-Correct!

Of course, that never stops anyone like me from offering ill-informed opinions!

Welcome to SN Wifey. It's always lively.
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post #42 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Nice try playing the victim!

Abusers always minimize their behavior and always apologize for their abuse; victims rationalize away the abuse, "Oh, she just gets upset easily", "She was just worried about our safety..", "I know she "adores" me, even though she yells at me."

Abuse runs both ways, male on female, and female on male. Unfortunately, abusers and victims seek each other out, so this pair is probably destined for each other.

Lady, your marriage needs counseling. I hope you seek it out.
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post #43 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Originally Posted by Wifey View Post
First I need to explain what I meant by "screaming." By screaming, I meant screaming so he wouldn't kill me with the boom, waiting for the fear to subside and the situation to come under control, then apologizing, and attempting to talk it out. I also want to say again that I was directly in the path of the boom. So some say this was over reacting - maybe. What would the better course of action be? Duck? Watch the metal boom swing over my head, observe the damage on the boat after the fact, then look at my husband and ask if he is okay? I'm am actually just curious what people think is the right response in this kind of situation. Obviously using a lower voice is an option, but I had about half a second to get him to stop turning.

Also, to the "Lawyer" - As to my command of the English Language, you should have considered that I was using my iphone before you chose to be insulting - it kind of undermined the credibility of all the other things you said. I notice that you didn't defend that part of your first post in your second post. As to the power struggle, the only one I see around here is yours as you try to assert your dominance as a male lawyer over a sailing wife, anonymously on the internet. But hey, thanks for the advice, I guess.
Ah, not a troll and touche'...

My wife was afraid of big water (though she knows you can drown in 6" as well as 6,000') but got through it with time. Did I scare her? Hell yes. She spent four hours clinging to the companionway ladder as we sailed/surfed in a beam sea gale at no less than 40* of heel averaging 10 knots in a boat with a 7 knot hull speed AGAINST the ebb. We simply had no choice at the time.

My point is, teach your husband, don't scream at him. Yes, ya should've ducked and let the boom cross or spoken slightly louder to warn of the impending gybe. Lighten up and go sailing....

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The Landing at Colony Wharf
Bellingham, WA.

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post #44 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Good thing it was not windy

Its not like you were never on a sailboat and lacked any awareness that a boom could hit you on the head ?
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Last edited by tommays; 01-10-2012 at 01:02 PM.
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post #45 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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I'm starting to think "wifey" is smacks wife airing out the dirty "sailing" laundry... If so I see no reason not to believe her tales!
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post #46 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Well, darnit, looks like I missed a good one. Wifey edited out her op 12 min ago.

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post #47 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Not much more to be added. I'm curious what the OP plans to do with the advice they asked for.???

The constructive input can be boiled down to: get lessons and/or back off the ultimatums.

What's it going to be?


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post #48 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Well, darnit, looks like I missed a good one. Wifey edited out her op 12 min ago.
Deleted as I see it right now. Given that her husband would rightfully feel betrayed by this public flogging, she probably did the right thing.
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post #49 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Smack? Are you gonna listen to her NOW? Huh?

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post #50 of 157 Old 01-10-2012
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Nice trick. Now no-one knows what the entire thread was about.

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