I dont feel safe with husband onboard - Page 6 - SailNet Community

   Search Sailnet:

 forums  store  


Quick Menu
Forums           
Articles          
Galleries        
Boat Reviews  
Classifieds     
Search SailNet 
Boat Search (new)

Shop the
SailNet Store
Anchor Locker
Boatbuilding & Repair
Charts
Clothing
Electrical
Electronics
Engine
Hatches and Portlights
Interior And Galley
Maintenance
Marine Electronics
Navigation
Other Items
Plumbing and Pumps
Rigging
Safety
Sailing Hardware
Trailer & Watersports
Clearance Items

Advertise Here






Go Back   SailNet Community > General Interest > General Discussion (sailing related)
 Not a Member? 


Like Tree72Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #51  
Old 01-10-2012
smackdaddy's Avatar
Last Man Standing
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 13,548
Thanks: 98
Thanked 98 Times in 92 Posts
Rep Power: 9
smackdaddy is a jewel in the rough smackdaddy is a jewel in the rough smackdaddy is a jewel in the rough
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommays View Post


Good thing it was not windy

Its not like you were never on a sailboat and lacked any awareness that a boom could hit you on the head ?
Holy Crap! That's some stink!
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

S/V Dawn Treader - 1989 Hunter Legend 40
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #52  
Old 01-10-2012
night0wl's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 1,409
Thanks: 0
Thanked 18 Times in 18 Posts
Rep Power: 9
night0wl is on a distinguished road
I'm a bit dissapointed in Sailnet in how quickly this thread went negative and downright nasty. This place isn't Sailing/Cruising Anarchy...and I wouldn't be here if it was or becomes like that board.

Here was a newbie wife sharing her opinion...and it all boiled down to name calling and insults.

If we keep scaring off genuine newbs, this board will suffer the same fate of many sailing clubs that became all about posturing, bravado, and arrogance. I was glad to finally see a thread that wasn't about "what boat do I choose" or "Is $500 enough for a bluewater cruiser" or the umpteenth "Is a Catalina suitable for ocean passage". This was someone that had an experience and wanted advice. But we scared her off. Quite simply put, I hope we dont end up like all those clubs...fading into irrelevance because of a haughty attitude. We can do better...
TejasSailer, PCP, Faster and 8 others like this.
__________________
S/V Jendai
Beneteau 343

Last edited by night0wl; 01-10-2012 at 02:24 PM.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #53  
Old 01-10-2012
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 825
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Rep Power: 9
chris_gee is on a distinguished road
Actually what was described (now deleted) sounds fairly typical for essentially limited experience sailors in a new boat on what I think may have been a fairly demanding delivery although I don't know the area.
There is a big difference between crewing on a boat with a limited role under supervision and direction and taking full responsibility oneself.
The issues seem to be 1. Building competence. Training, practice in good conditions and time will build this.
2. Fear. This is not unusual. It tends to dissipate with confidence in the boat and in the competence of oneself and the crew captain. One needs to start in benign conditions, which are not threatening and build experience and competence. Gradually one's comfort zone extends. Prudence such as early reefing and watching the weather help. It can be disabling as you found, and its existence needs to be acknowledged and worked with.
3. Stuff will go wrong and mistakes will be made. Often. With experience in good conditions they will become fewer and you become used to correcting them. I mean things like jib sheets being caught, or even accidental jibes.
Cooking is an analogy. Ever burned something or left out an ingredient, or had to ask advice? Should your husband never eat your food in case?
I am not entirely sure about near accidental jibes. If they happen they are fast. If he was just going into a position where this was a possibility, a caution suffices. Yes duck or keep your head out of the way of the boom and an eye on it. They can happen, and are best avoided, but don't inevitably bring the rigging down.
My final suggestion is don't catastrophise either when sailing or over this issue. Simply you are scared, you want both of you to be competent and safe, and a way or plan to ensure you can enjoy sailing together. Relationships often involve resolving issues.
smackdaddy and RedtheBear like this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #54  
Old 01-10-2012
carl762's Avatar
Sundance 23
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Portland Oregon
Posts: 878
Thanks: 2
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Rep Power: 5
carl762 is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Deleted as I see it right now. Given that her husband would rightfully feel betrayed by this public flogging, she probably did the right thing.
Well, after reading the whole thread, I get the picture. Yes, nice trick Wifey. Hopefully you and hubby will work it out. Sailing is fun, but it still scares the crap out of me. I hope to gain more confidence this year.
__________________
Water is Life
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #55  
Old 01-10-2012
LandLocked66c's Avatar
Sunsets and Warm Beer....
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Bottom of a Pint Glass...
Posts: 2,111
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 6
LandLocked66c is on a distinguished road
So is this why women don't comment on sailnet?
__________________
1971 23' Oday Pop Top
S/V Frida

You can't steer a boat that isn't moving? Just like a life - P. Lutus
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #56  
Old 01-10-2012
JedNeck's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 152
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 4
JedNeck is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Originally Posted by LandLocked66c View Post
So is this why women don't comment on sailnet?
Haha...yes...for alot of reasons...however...this particular woman won't post here again because she came here looking for ammo in a power struggle...and didn't get it...so she took her ball (or maybe his) and went home.
jameswilson29 likes this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #57  
Old 01-10-2012
CharlieCobra's Avatar
On the hard
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Bellingham, WA.
Posts: 3,503
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 10
CharlieCobra has a spectacular aura about CharlieCobra has a spectacular aura about
Yep, took her whatever and went home. Unfortunately for her, some of us here quoted her posts so she's stuck with the results. Shame she gave up and bailed so easily...
__________________
Baggett and Sons Marine Restoration
The Landing at Colony Wharf
Bellingham, WA.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #58  
Old 01-10-2012
Squidd's Avatar
Superior Sailor
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Eagle River Wi.
Posts: 919
Thanks: 4
Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
Rep Power: 4
Squidd is on a distinguished road
Didn't have the balls for it I guess...
__________________
"Might as well cast off...If anything is gonna happen...It's gonna happen out there..."
"Captin Ron"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #59  
Old 01-10-2012
jameswilson29's Avatar
Senior Smart Aleck
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Richmond, Virginia
Posts: 2,152
Thanks: 34
Thanked 70 Times in 65 Posts
Rep Power: 6
jameswilson29 is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieCobra View Post
Yep, took her whatever and went home. Unfortunately for her, some of us here quoted her posts so she's stuck with the results. Shame she gave up and bailed so easily...
I would like to think that she actually saw her behavior in a new light and wanted to go back and edit her posts to appear better. When she discovered it was too late because she had been quoted, she deleted all posts and bailed.

If they stay together, I hope she and her husband will both learn to honor and respect each other, which does not include posting your private marital difficuties and disputes on a public forum, exercising total control over an activity at your spouse's expense, humiliating and/or yelling at your spouse for no good reason, acting contrite and trying to play the victim when your behavior is exposed on a public forum, then trying to shift the blame to those who exposed you, etc., etc...

She purposely chose to include details about her conflict with her husband and her exercise of her control over him, then solicited general advice from the group.

Don't tell me she did not receive exactly what she asked for.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #60  
Old 01-10-2012
night0wl's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 1,409
Thanks: 0
Thanked 18 Times in 18 Posts
Rep Power: 9
night0wl is on a distinguished road
I think her husband putting her in a situation that is beyond her comfort level points to a flawed individual that deserved the screaming/scared reaction that he got. Being on a undersized/underprepared sailboat in bad weather is reason to *FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE*...and people do what they can do to cope...even if its coping badly. There is more than enough blame to go around here.
__________________
S/V Jendai
Beneteau 343
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

By choosing to post the reply above you agree to the rules you agreed to when joining Sailnet.
Click Here to view those rules.

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the SailNet Community forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
Please note: After entering 3 characters a list of Usernames already in use will appear and the list will disappear once a valid Username is entered.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may post attachments
You may edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Help Me Decide What My Husband Can Buy Me 4 My Boat 4 Our Anniversary :) Dulcitea herSailNet 12 01-14-2011 11:59 AM
Dont Ever Do This QuickMick Gear & Maintenance 31 01-04-2011 11:48 AM
Dont mess with the 12 incher mrwuffles General Discussion (sailing related) 17 01-09-2009 07:25 PM
DONT ORDER FROM SAILNET skipper22 General Discussion (sailing related) 7 08-29-2005 11:06 AM
if you dont have it you cant eat it starcresttoo Provisioning 0 08-31-2004 10:31 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:11 PM.

Add to My Yahoo!         
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.1
(c) Marine.com LLC 2000-2012

The SailNet.com store is owned and operated by a company independent of the SailNet.com forum. You are now leaving the SailNet forum. Click OK to continue or Cancel to return to the SailNet forum.