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-   -   I dont feel safe with husband onboard (http://www.sailnet.com/forums/general-discussion-sailing-related/82567-i-dont-feel-safe-husband-onboard.html)

Wifey 01-10-2012 04:02 AM

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Minnewaska 01-10-2012 04:16 AM

Too bad, but not uncommon. Hard to assess his sailing skills based on your rendition. First mate on an ocean passage? What is your sailing experience and knowledge? It is only clear that you know what an accidental jybe is. Could it be he was just unfamiliar with the boat itself, as it was new and was getting used to it? That will cure itself quickly, if he really is experienced.

By the way, drive to America from where?

Minnewaska 01-10-2012 04:26 AM

Maybe the two of you should go away and take a week long live aboard sailing course together. Despite any difference in experience or ability, all can always learn and it becomes a partnership.

JedNeck 01-10-2012 04:51 AM

I am typically anti-overreacting wife but I don't personally think that is enough experience for a ocean trip in rough weather. A season in protected water on the boat and then working up to worse conditions seems reasonable.

The trick now is finding a way to communicate that without starting a war. If he's like me a frontal assalt isn't a good idea. Agreeing to continue trying and telling him you're afraid when you are is a better route. Be a girl, guys like that. Telling him you know more than him(even though you do) and screaming is hardly ever going to have a positive reaction.

...a boat can only have one Captian...but the crew has to trust him...

Manhater-flamesuit on. :)

PCP 01-10-2012 06:51 AM

Just offer him a nice gift: A complete sail course with lots of hours of offshore sea experience. He would love it and you will be sure that he gets the practice with someone experienced. That way you will get a new man, at least in what sailboat experienced is concerned.;)

Regards

Paulo

jameswilson29 01-10-2012 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wifey (Post 815034)
...Advice?

Marital counselling, or bring your whip along and re-establish your dominance over the "captain"?:D

The sailboat has become the stage for you to act out your conflict over who is in control of the relationship and who is the dominant partner. Your post reads as if you have been the dominant partner in your relationship and you are now upset that your husband's position as the captain/owner of the boat has usurped your power and control in the relationship.

Everyone makes mistakes, on land and at sea. What were the actual consequences of his jibes, other than your overreaction?

You might also consider taking more English-as-a-second-language lessons (I hope you are from Quebec and not one of the English-speaking provinces in Canada).:rolleyes:

Irunbird 01-10-2012 07:22 AM

Hi- Wifey- I agree with all of the above. My wife and I started sailing a little over 3 years ago after I had taken some basic sailing lessons in dinghies. It's such a complicated arrangement on board a sailboat between a couple that can sometimes spark very emotional reactions. I know one local couple who absolutely refuse to sail with each other (and they both love to sail), which is just sad considering where we live and the venue we have here. I've chalked up those early squabbles to my own inexperience and lack of self-confidence-- one of those life's lessons that would eventually make our bond stronger if we survived it, which we have. My initial goal was wanting to do something that involved my wife (I raced bikes for 20-some years, she didn't). What it's turned into is a longer journey of learning as much as there is about sailing and we hope to become full-time cruisers one day. We've had our moments, though- especially that first year. It's not like he's never going to ever make a mistake again, and another accidental jibe is just a matter of time. It's usually not such a big deal on a 25 foot boat (depending on the weather and sea state, of course) and usually amounts to not paying attention. But I agree with the others; take some more sailing courses and know that you'll both make mistakes along the way as you gain experience. There are tons of great sailing courses out there no matter how much experience you have, but nothing beats just getting out there as long as you don't end up squabbling the whole time.

Good luck!

Ray

flyingwelshman 01-10-2012 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jameswilson29 (Post 815051)
Marital counselling, or bring your whip along and re-establish your dominance over the "captain"?:D

The sailboat has become the stage for you to act out your conflict over who is in control of the relationship and who is the dominant partner. Your post reads as if you have been the dominant partner in your relationship and you are now upset that your husband's position as the captain/owner of the boat has usurped your power and control in the relationship.

Everyone makes mistakes, on land and at sea. What were the actual consequences of his jibes, other than your overreaction?

You might also consider taking more English-as-a-second-language lessons (I hope you are from Quebec and not one of the English-speaking provinces in Canada).:rolleyes:

This has got to be one of the most inane responses I've seen on SailNet.

What does her command of written English have to do with anything? I have seen far more incomprehensible posts made by alleged English-as-a-first-language members.

As for your insolent evaluation of her relationship: a little more Perry Mason and little less Doctor Phil would be in order.

Regarding the OP's request for advice: In my opinion I think that the suggestion to take take a course with your husband is a good one.

jameswilson29 01-10-2012 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingwelshman (Post 815055)
This has got to be one of the most inane responses I've seen on SailNet...

Thanks, I am glad to have set some kind of record.

I actually have a lot more experience than you do dealing with this kind of nonsense. As a divorce lawyer, I listen to this kind of crap all day.

You naively believe this has something to do with sailing ability. Wrong - this is a power struggle that just happens to be playing out on a sailboat. It is all about dominance in the relationship.

This couple needs marital counselling, not sailing lessons.

Flybyknight 01-10-2012 08:02 AM

Take another look at your wedding vows, then decide if you want to be a spouse or a captain.
Exposing a marital rift in public is not imho a good idea.
BTW we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this past June.
Richard


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