Oh boy.... you are such a "woman". :-)
I would rather look at the amazement that I somehow survived as a cause of great relief and happiness.
Whenever I allow myself to dwell on the shear terror and surety that I was lost, I come back out of that zone with the happiness that instead, I did "make it" to a life buoy, and back to my life with you.
And, from our experience, together we can learn from this. When I continually state: "this was the worst mistake of my life", that is not to heap blame or bad feeling upon either of us, it is to share something clearly learned from this.
That is not to never venture out again; it is to trust in our own abilities, resources, and the basic strength of our vessel before we ask for "assistance" ever again. Once I placed our lives in the hands of the Kim Jacob, as we have learned, we were in a much less secure position, with the associated much greater probability of total loss.
As I have also experienced with my "discussions" on the Sailnet blog, many / most people, are eager to rationalize how this couldn't or wouldn't happen to them because they would have done such and such, differently. I think this is a self serving protection and shield from their inner fear of what could happen, to regain their own security that it won't happen to them.
The majority of the people last night, as with any group of "sailors", all have those same inner fears. It is not natural nor healthy to stoke those fears, rather is is natural to resolve them, in as healthy a manner as possible; which is to both learn from others' mistakes, and to believe in oneself enough to still set sail again.
I made many mistakes on July 26th & the 27th, which destroyed our vessel, and placed both of us in harms way.
Even my first reaction was to ERRONEOUSLY blame you.... i.e., anyone / anything but me.
That is clearly wrong, and yet, we must learn from this if we ever plan to try again. Whether it be to cross an ocean, or even go out for the day, we have to do our best in preparedness, of the ship, all of her equipment, but most importantly, ourselves.
It takes a certain personal strength and drive to not give up the ship; and now we know the consequences of arriving at that decision too easily / carelessly.
The Triumph wore us down to the point that we therefore accepted the erroneous opportunity to push the "easy" button. Now we know it can be much worse to push that button, than to just suck it up and deal with the RELATIVELY minor issues. Relative to the consequences of pushing that button.
I did come closest to being killed, so perhaps it is appropriate that I see what is to be learned the clearest.
I truly thank God that I was not lost, and that the resulting weight and pain of that was not placed on your shoulders.
We avoided that bullet, though it did come very, very close to us. But, we avoided that bullet, after all the other equipement / resources available were either not properly used, or appllied, which is a testament to what did save us in the end. Ourselves. And from that we should learn to trust what we have learned is really the strongest part of everything we have, again, ourselves.
Everyone else who will ever hear our story, like the people last night, will likewise resolve within themselves what they need to in order for them to set sail again. I think this is all part of the funny little 2 legged creatures called human beings.
And all of that brings us to the point that we are shopping for another sailboat. WOW, we are funny creatures.
All my love,