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bubb2 12-14-2003 11:05 AM

Night Before Christmas
T’was the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook

With snowflakes a’landing, asleep with my book

When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff

“I’ve been boarded!” I thought, and I tried to be tough

Then down the companion hatch came a dude

He was dressed like a nut and I thought, “I’m so screwed.”

But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk

So I figured he must be the resident drunk

His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed

But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need

Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy

And some kind of fancy electrical thingy

I knew it was stolen but I wasn’t telling

I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink

Then I poured one for me (Lord I needed a drink!)

Then he staggered above to the dark snowy night

As I peeked , I beheld an incredible sight

Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh

The dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way

The dolphins were ready to power the sled

But the guy raised a genny and mains’l instead

With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze

And called to dolphins, now swimming with ease

“Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and Nixon

Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason and Dixon!”

Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes

Here’s to every last sailor, “My best Christmas wishes!”

As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake

I hoped he had not many stops left to make

He got close to shore and he soon was aground

But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around

And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out sight

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”

DuaneIsing 12-16-2003 03:36 AM

Night Before Christmas

I can''t believe no one praised your ditty before this. Good job.


ghewing 11-04-2010 11:47 AM

My Christmas Poem
I am the author of that Christmas poem for sailors. I wrote it maybe 2002 or so and sent it to an old sailing forum. Folks still enjoy it. If you pass it along, I would appreciate a mention.
Jerry Ewing
gewing at

Dfok 11-06-2010 09:15 PM

wow - well done! Ever since malls with santa in september and hallmark christmas in july scams ( and those smelly christmas all the time with really stinky candles shops) I have dreaded the season and despised any mention of it outside the 24 hour 24/25 December window.
This didn't make me want to poke my eye with a sharp stick. I like it and can see myself hurling it back at the smug sanctimonious christmas cheer lubbers arriving at the winter quarters door to sing insipid songs.
Good on ya

sailjunkie 11-06-2010 11:53 PM

I love the poem, but isn't it just a bit too early to be talking about Xmas? Hell, I'm still trying to get used to the fact that Summer is over! :puke

SoftJazz 11-07-2010 03:57 PM

Yeah, the neighbors haven't finished taking down Halloween yet! Although the attention to Christmas makes Halloween decorations seem about right. The Christmas Monster.

Cute poem, though. I like parodies of "The Night Before Christmas".

Minnewaska 12-21-2015 07:20 AM

Re: Night Before Christmas
bump for the holidays.

Very well done!

DonScribner 12-22-2015 05:29 AM

Re: Night Before Christmas

titustiger27 12-24-2015 11:44 AM

Re: Night Before Christmas
1 Attachment(s)

Faster 12-24-2015 11:55 AM

Re: Night Before Christmas
This one's from 2006.. the name's have changed but not the game.:rolleyes:


T’were the months before Christmas and in many a house
Sailnet-ers were posting, each clicking their mouse
The questions were put on the boards with care
In the knowledge that Sailing Dog soon would be there.

The posters were nestled all snug in their beds
As visions of autohelms danced in their heads
The Cuban in her nightie beside Paul (Cardiac)
Who was rueing the posters that didn’t know jack

When out on the net there arose such a clatter
I sprang to the keyboard to see what’s the matter
What’s this? Up on Sailnet they’re fighting a lot
Its been started by Surf from his landlocked yacht

The posts become loaded with vitriol and bile
Personal attacks that go on quite a while
But Jeff has a plan and a little while later
Appoints Camaradarie as a new moderator

With charm and humour and a quick wit
Cam settled the posters down quite a bit
But if you persisted and continued in heat
You’d find your post missing – can you say ‘Delete?’

To the top of the list, to the bottom of the barrel
The posters ask questions, get replies by the byteful

Some seek opinions, others tell a tale
Some want to know what’s the very best sail
Some want something and to pay for it nothing
But the experts come back and they’re soon sent running

It’s an international board, that’s easy to decide
As the poster’s locations range far and wide
Down under tdw, and far across the sea
Some Brits and Giulietta our delightful Portugee

So as this amazing year draws to a close
Please forgive me this rather long post
As I wish you all the best of the season
With Doggerel, not with wisdom and reason

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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