Night Before Christmas
T’was the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook
With snowflakes a’landing, asleep with my book
When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff
“I’ve been boarded!” I thought, and I tried to be tough
Then down the companion hatch came a dude
He was dressed like a nut and I thought, “I’m so screwed.”
But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk
So I figured he must be the resident drunk
His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed
But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need
Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy
And some kind of fancy electrical thingy
I knew it was stolen but I wasn’t telling
I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink
Then I poured one for me (Lord I needed a drink!)
Then he staggered above to the dark snowy night
As I peeked , I beheld an incredible sight
Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh
The dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way
The dolphins were ready to power the sled
But the guy raised a genny and mains’l instead
With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze
And called to dolphins, now swimming with ease
“Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and Nixon
Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason and Dixon!”
Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes
Here’s to every last sailor, “My best Christmas wishes!”
As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake
I hoped he had not many stops left to make
He got close to shore and he soon was aground
But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around
And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out sight
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”
Night Before Christmas
I can''t believe no one praised your ditty before this. Good job.
My Christmas Poem
I am the author of that Christmas poem for sailors. I wrote it maybe 2002 or so and sent it to an old sailing forum. Folks still enjoy it. If you pass it along, I would appreciate a mention.
gewing at bellsouth.net
wow - well done! Ever since malls with santa in september and hallmark christmas in july scams ( and those smelly christmas all the time with really stinky candles shops) I have dreaded the season and despised any mention of it outside the 24 hour 24/25 December window.
This didn't make me want to poke my eye with a sharp stick. I like it and can see myself hurling it back at the smug sanctimonious christmas cheer lubbers arriving at the winter quarters door to sing insipid songs.
Good on ya
I love the poem, but isn't it just a bit too early to be talking about Xmas? Hell, I'm still trying to get used to the fact that Summer is over! :puke
Yeah, the neighbors haven't finished taking down Halloween yet! Although the attention to Christmas makes Halloween decorations seem about right. The Christmas Monster.
Cute poem, though. I like parodies of "The Night Before Christmas".
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