Night Before Christmas - SailNet Community
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post #1 of 6 Old 12-14-2003 Thread Starter
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Night Before Christmas

T’was the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook

With snowflakes a’landing, asleep with my book

When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff

“I’ve been boarded!” I thought, and I tried to be tough

Then down the companion hatch came a dude

He was dressed like a nut and I thought, “I’m so screwed.”

But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk

So I figured he must be the resident drunk

His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed

But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need

Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy

And some kind of fancy electrical thingy

I knew it was stolen but I wasn’t telling

I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink

Then I poured one for me (Lord I needed a drink!)

Then he staggered above to the dark snowy night

As I peeked , I beheld an incredible sight

Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh

The dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way

The dolphins were ready to power the sled

But the guy raised a genny and mains’l instead

With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze

And called to dolphins, now swimming with ease

“Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and Nixon

Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason and Dixon!”

Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes

Here’s to every last sailor, “My best Christmas wishes!”

As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake

I hoped he had not many stops left to make

He got close to shore and he soon was aground

But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around

And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out sight

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”
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post #2 of 6 Old 12-16-2003
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Night Before Christmas


I can''t believe no one praised your ditty before this. Good job.

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post #3 of 6 Old 11-04-2010
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My Christmas Poem

I am the author of that Christmas poem for sailors. I wrote it maybe 2002 or so and sent it to an old sailing forum. Folks still enjoy it. If you pass it along, I would appreciate a mention.
Jerry Ewing
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post #4 of 6 Old 11-06-2010
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wow - well done! Ever since malls with santa in september and hallmark christmas in july scams ( and those smelly christmas all the time with really stinky candles shops) I have dreaded the season and despised any mention of it outside the 24 hour 24/25 December window.
This didn't make me want to poke my eye with a sharp stick. I like it and can see myself hurling it back at the smug sanctimonious christmas cheer lubbers arriving at the winter quarters door to sing insipid songs.
Good on ya
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post #5 of 6 Old 11-07-2010
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I love the poem, but isn't it just a bit too early to be talking about Xmas? Hell, I'm still trying to get used to the fact that Summer is over!


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post #6 of 6 Old 11-07-2010
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Yeah, the neighbors haven't finished taking down Halloween yet! Although the attention to Christmas makes Halloween decorations seem about right. The Christmas Monster.

Cute poem, though. I like parodies of "The Night Before Christmas".

I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress up like me in parades after I'm dead.
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