Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now? - SailNet Community
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post #1 of 15 Old 06-10-2012 Thread Starter
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Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

I love sailing for the adventure, peace, challenge and beauty that it brings. And I have enjoyed moorings for the sense of "coming home" that pulling up in the dinghy brings. Also, the communion with the sea that staying at a mooring brings to my mind; the quiet is also a significant plus.

My wife loves people, and now we're at a slip. At the far end. So it's quieter there, and she has her "house on the shore", and it's convenient since we have a dog. But the almost-enforced social life is driving me nuts.

This past weekend was especially bad, and so this is more of a rant than it would have been otherwise. It's evolved (for me) so that I dread the trips to/from the boat down the dock as a myriad of "hello's" and greetings that become a pain.

I don't dislike people, but I seem to have a lower than normal threshold for socialization. I'm leery of turning down invites because a) I know my wife would enjoy the company and b) because I don't want to be offensive to the "inviters".

Anyone else face this issue, and if so, what did you do? Also, do you know anyone like this, and how do you react when they appear disinterested in your company? I've even considered a second boat at a mooring, but his-her boats seems extreme and weird. But.....it's my life too, and it's not getting any longer.

Thanks in advance
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post #2 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

Oh boy !!! I feel your pain. I am in the same situation except for the wife. I live mostly aboard toward the end of a dock on purpose, however i am in the medical profession and am cont approached for dock walk diagnosis if you know what I mean. When I am on my boat and and resting or projecting I want to b left alone. Especially since I am inundated by people all day every day. I don't want to be around other folks though I do like some social exchange. It is hard to simply ignore people but I do it on occasion.
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post #3 of 15 Old 06-10-2012 Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

Freedom007:

Thanks for the response!

There DOES seem to be some sort of "accumulating buffer", so that if I'm alone for a period of time I can later enjoy other's company without feeling imprisoned. But after lots of "people time", my fuse gets very short and I don't feel I have a life of my own. That's, like, NOW.

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post #4 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

I dread the day might have to move inside to a slip. The mooring is a far more peaceful and secluded place than 6' from a slip neighbor. Some summer weekends it sounds like a nonstop luau in there. Fun for the folks that make it their own, but not for us. I do like a beer or several but second hand drinkers' chatter is a drag. There is a marina nearby that shuttles customers back & forth to their moorings. But only daytime... What to do indeed? Stay healthy and young? One out of two will have to do for now.
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post #5 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

You are not alone....
Most people don't realize that, just because we share the same interest/hobbies don't make us the alike....
Just because i have a Harley, and lots of tattoo's does not mean i want to join a 1% club..
Or any club for that matter...
I just don't "fit in"....
Not in a overly socialized community either...
I'm social when I want to....
But I often feel pressured into being social by friends....

I just tell my self... It is hard being popular....
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post #6 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Nah, you're not nuts, we to are towards the end of the dock, we are surrounded with great people, though it tends to get really loud on the weekend till the wee hours of the AM.

Anchorages will be becoming our new weekend hide away

1955 Blanchard 51 Custom ( I got a woody )

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and Rum to accept the things I can't
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post #7 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

Being friendly does not mean having social encounters forced on you. Sounds a bit like assertiveness training needed.
Turning down an invitation does not cause offence. Saying "have a beer with you? When hell freezes over!" is very different to "Thanks but perhaps some other time".
You can say hello or nod or wave simply as ways of acknowledging and keep walking, rather than talk for half an hour. Or do 2 minutes of how's it going and say must press on.
Similarly if someone hangs around while you are working you can stand up and stretch and simply say after a minute or two Ok nice to see you but if you don't mind I will press on catch you some other time.
Women seem more socially interactive. No reason why your wife can't stop for a chat or coffee without you. Equally she would make social times more easily available. Sometimes a few drinks or a meal are pleasant.
If you have a lot of liveaboards around who turn up the stereo or party half the night that is a pain. Same can happen in an anchorage but here you can have a wee word more easily. Ear plugs can help too.
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post #8 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

Curious. I have almost an opposite problem - no one invites me anywhere Fortunately, I enjoy my alone time just fine. But I'd love to have your problem.
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post #9 of 15 Old 06-10-2012
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

I smile and say maybe if I can get away later. I hardly ever show. But if someone needs help I volunteer. Now I am liked on the dock but humorously known as a loner, lol. It takes time though.
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post #10 of 15 Old 06-10-2012 Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Nuts?.....And if so, what do I do now?

Chris_Gee:

"Sounds a bit like assertiveness training needed."

I think you're right on the money. By nature I care deeply about everybody else. Period. Don't hurt their feelings. Don't make them feel "unwanted"; yada yada yada. And, I capitulate to those feelings.

I don't disagree with you whatever. By saying, to myself, I'll do what I want and if it includes them, great, but if not, that's fine too, I'll get closer to that "peace" that sailing provides. Thanks for the good advice!

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