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  #11  
Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

here is a plan

first: at quiet moments sit wistfully staring into space.... make sure she spots you and asks you waht you were doing.... thinking about sailing is the answer

second: buy sailing books from amazon for $1 each. Leave them around the house. read passages out. buy some childrens sailing books,read them to the children

third: watch sailing films on you tube with the volume turned up

some of mine have just music with them - this a good one

if she hears it a couple of times she is bound to ask what it is

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  #12  
Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

well this is not about sailing but about marriage. I married two times and the last one is going on for more than 25 years so I guess I know one or two things about that and one of the more important is that you cannot let go what is really important for you and the same applies to your wife.

If someone let go something that is really important that regret is going to bit hard on your life and it will be the sub-conscious motive for a lot of bitterness that will poison your relationship and can even end with your marriage.

So, think well if sailing is that important to you and if it is, you cannot put a price tag on it (providing you can afford it as a life choice) and should tell that to your wife. Of course, as someone as said, be prepared to compromise on other things

Best regards

Paulo
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Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

You have to get the cost per trip down. I recomend you go sailing more often. If you go sailing 50 times instead of 25 times per season you cut your costs per trip in half.

We don't know enough about your finances, and your family to be able to offer concrete advice. It sounds like you're already considering cutting costs. That is where I would start.

I will however offer an anecdote. Buying my sailboat is the one and only significant financial decision that my wife and I have disagreed on during our 23 years together. I went ahead and bought the boat and am glad I did. We've had the boat for 11 years now and while she is not an avid sailor will join me on occaision. I keep telling her it's the only thing that keeps me sane, especially after I've had a particularly stressful stretch at work. She now appreciates how much enjoyment I've gotten out of the boat. We've had great family sailing weekends, that the kids who are now in college will always remember. For me, it was the right decision, only you can answer the question on how much you should spend on your sailiing habit.
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Quote:
Originally Posted by msmith10 View Post
"Stand your ground" is not the approach I'd take. I wouldn't give in, either, but don't approach this as a confrontation- a good wife is hard to find and divorces are more expensive than dock fees. Discuss it.
You are both right. It's impossible to justify sailing from an economic standpoint. It's an expensive thing to do. However, if you spend your life worrying only about money and not enjoying what you're doing, it's wasted.
Convince her that you are mindful of what it costs and you try to economize as much as you can, but sailing is too important to you to give up and the two of you need to find a way to make it happen.
Maybe if she gives up new clothes for 6 months?
I dont think I would define "A good wife" as someone who considers your ambitions and dreams, irrellevant ,and considers you just a stepping stone to her ambitions.
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Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Hmmm...look at this as a chance to come together to work something out. Do not be confrontational. Ask her questions.

You'll never justify keeping the boat if you look at it from a financial standpoint. The only people who can do that are commercial fishermen and captains for hire.

Think about how to justify it emotionally, mentally, physically. Sailing keeps you active. It keeps you from the bars. It gives you a chance to appreciate what you have. It gives you a chance to appreciate things she goes without so you can do something you enjoy so much. It's your "alone time".Compare it to a hobby of hers that she really enjoys. "Sailing lets my mind relax just like how you need to be able to _____."

Things to think about:
Do you have a bunch of hobbies and she only has one or two?
Is there something else you can give up that you don't like as much to help meet a financial obligation?
Assuming she's the one balancing the budget, is it so close that it's stressful for her and she'd like breathing room?
What does she want to do with the extra money?
How much attention have you been giving her?
Is she feeling neglected?

Many women will bend over backwards for their loved ones if they feel cherished and appreciated. That's your first order of business if you've been slacking in that department.

And don't get dramatic.
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Have her take a weeks vacation in annapolis md where you enroll her in a womens sailing coarse taught by women for women. If you can get her hooked life will be great
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

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Originally Posted by sailor1950 View Post
Have her take a weeks vacation in annapolis md where you enroll her in a womens sailing coarse taught by women for women. If you can get her hooked life will be great
Great idea!
I am neihter Commercial fisherman nor captain for hire, but without my boat, my cost of living would go up exponentially. She pays for herself every 6 months, for what she cost me. That is the case with many liveaboards.
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Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Quote:
$1,300 for a slip is short money, we pay close to that for a mooring.
Be carefull, this is how it starts, next thing you know you've got no boat, no house...
Like Brent said:
"Stand your ground, and maintain some control over what is your own life. If you dont , it will eventually disolve anyway with even greater anger and resentment.-misfits
I am afraid this is shortsighted. Relationships are not about drawung lines. Every action has and equal and opposite reaction. Try and win her over.[/

Quote:
Stand your ground" is not the approach I'd take. I wouldn't give in, either, but don't approach this as a confrontation- a good wife is hard to find and divorces are more expensive than dock fees. Discuss it.
You are both right. It's impossible to justify sailing from an economic standpoint. It's an expensive thing to do. However, if you spend your life worrying only about money and not enjoying what you're doing, it's wasted.
Convince her that you are mindful of what it costs and you try to economize as much as you can, but sailing is too important to you to give up and the two of you need to find a way to make it happen-mssmith10
Agree 100% Find the positives and explain they are not measurable by price. The large amount this costs in percentage to your income now, will not be the same percentage when you make more in 10 yeras, but the time and experiences you get as a FAMILY on the boat wont be able to be measured by the expense.

sailing teaches kids confidence, nature and the outside, famuily time together in simple settings as well as the actual sailing. It also helps bond you, and your wife and family together in a family activity for all ages.

Dave
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Last edited by chef2sail; 10-22-2012 at 06:02 PM.
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  #19  
Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

I'm about a decade or so older than you and I also have a young child, but no boat. The finances of getting a boat are a hot topic in my little family as well. I am in a boat club, and the monthly dues and boat rental fees are not insignificant there either.

Honestly, the price you are paying for a seasonal slip should be doable. Negociate with your wife some other expense-cutting for the boat cost, it shouldn't even have to total the exact amount unless you are having a serious financial crisis.

We could all have more money if we never went anywhere or did anything other than work and chores while wearing clothes from yard sales, but I don't think anyone lives like that if they can help it. Some money is going to get spent for fun - if the boat is important, then try to make it work. At least you have a working boat, presumably paid for and in serviceable condition, which is a pretty good chunk of the puzzle solved.

In my case I have to figure the math on paying for a nice used boat, then getting it up to standard, as any used boat will likely have deferred maintenance issues, and then figure the annual expenses both quantifiable and estimated. You are well ahead of me on this issue, which is not something to walk away from lightly.

As others have written, try to keep the confrontation to a minimum, respect the budgetary concernes of you spouse but dont throw away a good thing for the sake of saving little. After all, what will replace the boat on summer weekends - car trips? restaurant outings? Nothing is free, and you will want to do something with your family, which may make keeping the boat not much more expensive than doing something else.

Forgive my rambling, but I have been thinking about this too much myself...

Last edited by groggy; 10-22-2012 at 07:23 PM.
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Old 10-22-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

I used to build racecars so I've seen it all when it comes to the "wife says".
I say stand your ground.
I saw a friend lose his dream car. His wife wanted a new Prius and she made him sell his '64 1/2 Mustang and he got stuck with a 15 year old Honda and she got the new Prius. Next to go was his wood working tools so she could have more room in the garage to store useless ****. Then he had to give up softball to spend more time with the kids when she went back to school. Now he's a miserable housewife and she's gone all the time chasing HER dreams.
It's a 2 way street. You need something too.
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