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post #51 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Any honest conversation about what she doesn't like about it will help. She may hate heeling over. The captain can mitigate that, perhaps at cost of speed, as an example. Taking your mate on the boat to do exactly what she wants to do pays off.
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post #52 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Originally Posted by ABH3 Boyer View Post
Our children like sailing but the wife dosn't.
You're in a tough place......

When I met my wife I was living on my powerboat. I started a business 6 months later & moved into an apartment which lead to a couple of houses. My wife grew up in a powerboat family & hates sailing.

I have always been around or out on the water since I was a kid & have always wanted a sailboat. My wife knew that upfront before she married me.

After 26 years of marriage Ruth told me if I bought a sailboat I might as well call it "Ruth Less".

Whatever you say dear......

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post #53 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

First of all, who is bringing in the money in the home? If it's just you or just her or both of you I would say it changes things quite a bit.

How much is $1300 a year worth to you? If you're bringing in $25,000 a year and sailing is something you love then it's worth it. Still, it's always a good idea to cuts costs whenever you can. If you can double the number of times you go out you can cut each trip in half. If you can find someone else who has a similar boating interest he can use your boat too and help pay for some of the expenses. You're only using it once a week, so all he has to do is call you up the day before and ask if it is available tomorrow. If you don't call him back then it's assumed that you aren't using it and he can go out. So many boats sit most of the year it's amazing.

And most important of all: I don't know your situation, but I know that a lot of people tend to live beyond their means. Their income can go from $20,000 a year to $40,000 a year and they still won't have extra cash to spend because they got carried away and bought a much more expensive house, and 2 new cars, and all the other stuff that people buy but don't really need.

So, the problem may not be that the boat is too expensive, the real problem is that you got a $20,000 car new instead of a $3000 used one, a house that is too expensive, and you're paying for a bunch of electronic entertainment equipment that you don't really need. If this sounds like you, and you are the one bringing in the money in the home, I would say sell the cars if they aren't payed for, cancel monthly entertainment payments that you don't need, and downsize the house if you are making payments on it. After than, then you can consider getting rid of the boat.

I like how Dave Ramsey acts on his radio show when a caller tells him that they just bought a new car.

edit: Oh and I forgot, make sure half of your wealth, or a different ratio if you think it would be more just, is not in a bank or titled property before doing any of this. I can sort of understand her talking half in a divorce, but situations where the "wife took everything" are just outrageous.

Last edited by steel; 10-23-2012 at 12:07 PM.
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post #54 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Originally Posted by ABH3 Boyer View Post
The boat is a 26 foot Lugar. I can trailer it and launch it but setting up the mast every time I wanted to go sailing would take an hour out of a 4 hour sailing trip. I live only about 10 minuets from lake Erie. I got the boat for free and overhauled it with the proceeds from the sale of my last boat. As far as making extra money to pay for it I have already made arrangements for that. I'm a carpenter and have enough side jobs already lined up to finance it in full. The problem is that there is always something else that we need and dock fees fall very low on her list of prioritys. Our children like sailing but the wife dosn't. She was a fan of the power boat when we were moving but dosn't like the motion of a sailboat. I havent been able to get her out for more than a few hours and she definately dosn't relax while were underway. I think it might even be a controll thing with her because she dosnt become physically sick and shes not afraid of the water. She was a life guard for many years and can swim circles around me. I also spend money on nothing else. I'm the kind of guy that will wear a pair of shoes until there are holes in them.
Sounds like you have a much bigger problem than the boat. It sounds like you're just a wallet. My original advice stands.

I, myself, personally intend to continue being outspoken and opinionated, intolerant of all fanatics, fools and ignoramuses, deeply suspicious of all those who have "found the answer" and on my bad days, downright rude.
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post #55 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

I would never part with a boat I loved. (Though I've parted a few girlfriends who didn't like sailing...but that's a different matter)
I think one of the most important things you can remind your wife of is that kids and boats are a great mix. You can get your kids into little league or soccer or just about any other mainstream sport. But in all probability, they won't go near that sport after high school. Sailing is a life-long sport. Whether they are mucking about in an Opti, cruising with the folks, or showing your grandchildren the joys of the sport, they will reap its rewards their whole lives.
I am thankful every day that my father introduced me to sailing. It's how I met my wife, and now she's decided we need a bigger boat so we can spend even more time on the water together.
Maybe you can think of a way to help your wife enjoy sailing more; go out only on calm days with her and make sure she has some Champagne to drink while you're out. Encourage the kids to fall asleep below while you enjoy each others company. Make it a rule to only talk about positive things on the boat. Sailing could be one of the things you do on your "date night." And there'd be no babysitter to worry about.
Unfortunately for our family, my mother hated sailing, or maybe just used it to try to put a wedge between my father and his children. We enjoyed many happy cruises with our father, but sad to say, my mother died alone and bitter.
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post #56 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

What did she like about the powerboat? What doesn't she like about the sail? Talk to her you may find it's a comfort thing. What size was the powerboat? You may find she would be happier spending more for a bigger boat. Win win.
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post #57 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

We need a bigger boat.

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post #58 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Wow. I think I'd go slow on the "dump her, keep the boat" advice. In my own life, preserving my family comes first. What comes second is the tough question, is it work/security?; is it friendships?; is it having a boat?; a car?; a motorcycle?" I don't know, to each his/her own. I had to wait until my early 50s to get the boat because of the realities of my life. Would I have liked to have had it earlier? Yes. Do I resent it? No more than a handful of other things that I would like to have or do, but haven't been able to yet. But that is the composition of life - achieving some sort of balance. Only you and your wife know where the red line of insurmountable resentment lies in your relationship. We sometimes think we have bumped up against it, but I'd take the winter to make sure.
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post #59 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Okay, this is coming from a wife’s point of view and I may be COMPLETELY off track but I have a few questions about your post:

First you say, “So at the end of this season my wife tells me she cant justify the dock fees associated with ME having a sailboat and she dosn't think WE can afford it next season . . . I went out 25 or more times . . .” Did you just fall into the first person on the sailing part or is this a family adventure? Are you using the sailboat alone? If so she may be feeling as if your hobby is taking both funds and time from the family, and with two small children I can imagine she’d appreciate your spare time being spent at home. If this is family adventure, then ignore everything I just said.

Second, you say, “. Now I have about 5 months to get her to change her mind on this or were going to have a serious disagreement. I'm not willing to give up sailing.” I understand your passion and please understand that this is coming from a woman who’s jumped through hoops to keep her husband sailing because that’s his passion as well. But marriage is a partnership and neither of you should be coming to the discussion with a refusal to budge—not unless you’re willing to break up the partnership.

Have you discussed your family budget? Are there bills that aren’t being paid because of your hobby? Are there necessary purchases (new car to replace a junker, shoes for the kids, paint for the house, etc) that aren’t being made because of your hobby? Don’t get me wrong—it’s fine to sacrifice for a dream but sacrifice is tough if you don’t share the dream. You mention the dock fees but I think we all know that’s far from the only expense for a boat owner. Take a realistic look at what you’re spending on this hobby before you have a budget discussion and be sure to include time away from your family (if any).

Oh—and I read the rest of the chain before posting this and found that she doesn’t like sailing. I agree with the posters who suggested that heeling doesn’t endear a newbie, particularly one with small children in the boat to worry about. And please don’t suggest to her that she’s controlling you if she complains about heeling, because she very likely feels exactly that way about you—that you’ve talked her into coming along and then won’t consider her feelings and put a proper reef in the main. And yes, that is an issue for me and I’ll never understand why my husband insists on making me sail with fear when it would be just as easy to add a reef and both of us enjoy the sail. Of course, that may not be the issue with you and forgive my little rant if it’s not. :-)

Good luck.
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post #60 of 116 Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Boy, so many good perspectives here. I understand your fatherís dream and these are the kinds of things spouses can understand, so you want to be sure that she is aware of that. The fact that you have a way to pay for the fees, yet something for the kids always comes up and the slip fees just donít come up high in her list of priorities also makes sense -- whether I agree with that or not.

Hereís a silly question: If you were to have a powerboat instead of a sailboat and it had the same slip fees, would those fees suddenly move up in your wifeís list of priorities? If so, then the whole motion of the sailboat might be one reason for her objections. As many have said, you are not going to convince her of anything, because it may not be a financial issue. And the only way to find out what is behind all of this is to talk about it more deeply than perhaps you already have.

Even for someone relatively young with young kids, your fees donít seem so outrageous to me, at least not for the potential pleasure you and your kids get from sailing.

And hereís some really outrageous advice (that if I were in your place I wouldnít do because of the purchase cost) get a MacGregor 26 or a Hunter Edge; they both provide the chance to move straight out with their engines like a powerboat, yet can also sail. Sure, theyíre a compromise, and people just love to bash the MacGregors on most sites (mineís a 25), though I would suspect for many of us, the difference in performance isnít so noticeable.

Good luck. We'd hate to lose you from our little fraternity/ sorority on the water!

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