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  #61  
Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

This is what I do.

Never told the wife what I paid for the boat. I don't tell her what the slip cost, don't tell here how much the boat parts cost. If she really wanted to find out she could, all the bills are lying around for her to see.

What I do is make sure she always has a running car and some money, there is food on the table, the house is in reasonably good condition, there is money in the bank and money going to savings and retirement. The kids have adequate clothing. The kids do what ever sport they want and I take them to practice and go to their games. I also purchase what ever sports equipment the kids want as long as they are going to really use it (rather have them outside than watching tv or playing video games). The wife is free to do what activities she wants, and I'll watch the kids. I fix and maintain the cars, house and boat myself to save money.

What I don't do is: Smoke, Drink much, Chase women (do look though), Golf, Go to bars, Play silly sports where there are a lot of fees involved.

Note kids are not always overly thrilled about going on the boat, neither is the wife. Boat mainly for my sanity, although I do like getting the kids on the ocean, and it is good for them, they will have no fear of the water.

IF I did tell the wife what the boat cost, there probably would be a problem. Some things you are off better not knowing.

Good luck
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Last edited by casey1999; 10-23-2012 at 02:01 PM.
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  #62  
Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Is there a way you could make a couple grand over the winter? Justify the dock fees and maybe take her away for a couple of weekends with whats left over?

Or, ask the marina if they need some help in the spring/fall. Barter some or all of your dock fees.
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  #63  
Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Quote:
Originally Posted by casey1999 View Post
What I don't do is: Play silly sports where there are a lot of fees involved.
????? You have a sailboat don't you?
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  #64  
Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

The money is what starts it so equalize it. Dollar for dollar and if the family can't aford the extra $1,300 for her from what I understand then you must give up something to offset the expense.
Don't eat your lunch out during the week, don't eat out at the marina/weekend, etc. pack your lunch and your weekend food. Buy supplies for self and boat not at where the boat is slipped as most likely those are higher priced than close to home.
In other words you save that boating money and convince her to to enjoy it too. If all that doesn't work out you must pick the best of the two girls which most likely is the one you married (I did). After which you must make friends to go sailing with to get your fix.
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Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

Is there a way you can easily make extra money and null her argument? Whatever business you're involved in may have products or parts that you know all about that you can buy and sell. I know about Porsches so I used to buy and sell Porsche parts. For instance, I bought a dead engine once for $1000.00 I parted it out and got about $3500.00 for the good parts. Just the carbs alone (the first piece to go) sold for $997.00 and I got another $300.00 for the air cleaners. The point is that I knew that they were worth that when I bought the engine.
Another time I bought a pile of questionable transmissions for $150.00. I *thought* some of them might have had rare gear ratios in them. It turned out that 2 of them had some rare gears. The first set went for $300.00, the second for $425.00 and there was about 10 more sets that were desirable.
Almost everybody knows enough about something to do the same. If you can, you can just kill her argument about money and maybe get to the real issue.
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  #66  
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

You have to have something, or some activity in your life, that is yours. If you don't you'll just end up hating your life and your wife anyway. A hundred bucks a month sounds like a lot, but most families blow much more than that on things you can't even remember at the end of the month. It is shocking to sit down and actually do a real budget. Most people discover that a huge percentage of their spending each month is on discretionary things, meaning not an actual bill or groceries.

I'm willing to bet your wife spends a damn site more than $1300 bucks a year on makeup, clothes, shoes, and handbags if she is any normal sort of woman. She'd blow a gasket if you told her she cannot spend any money without your approval.

For some insane reason, we men are raised under this notion that our job is to cave on every disagreement in an effort to keep the wife happy. It took me 15 years of marriage to learn that this approach creates a monster instead of a wife.

Before I gave up the boat I'd have her sit down with me and list every dollar we pay per month to prove that we can't afford the boat. If the money really isn't there, or your kids are doing without shoes- then the boat needs to go. In all likelihood, there is some meat on the bone in that budget. You can give up a little here and there to offset the boat cost.

A previous poster brought up Dave Ramsey. I am firmly in that camp. It took me way too many years to realize that it is truly amazing how much money you DON'T need when you have no debt. But I do not subscribe to the notion of living like an abject pauper to save every dime for retirement. You are one stroke or car crash away from losing every enjoyable boating day of your life. A fat retirement won't give you memories with your kids.
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

[QUOTE=sailordave;937220]Boats are a totally ridiculous expenditure that cannot be justified on the level of finances alone.

Having my boat has saved me over $240,000 in rent for the time I have lived aboard, not counting the cost of many Pacific crossings and local cruising, plus all accomodations ( compared to hotels) and the difference between cooking my meals on board vs eating out of restaurants, a highly justifiable expense , on "The level of finances alone."
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  #68  
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

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Originally Posted by SloopJonB View Post
????? You have a sailboat don't you?
Sailing is not a sport (I do not race), it is a way of life.

And for some, necessary for life.
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

There are some boats moored off of Furhman blvd I think at Tift St. Not sure of the name of the marina there. THis might save you some $.

Mike
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Old 10-23-2012
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Re: can I afford to continue sailing

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Originally Posted by kcblues57 View Post
Okay, this is coming from a wife’s point of view and I may be COMPLETELY off track but I have a few questions about your post:

First you say, “So at the end of this season my wife tells me she cant justify the dock fees associated with ME having a sailboat and she dosn't think WE can afford it next season . . . I went out 25 or more times . . .” Did you just fall into the first person on the sailing part or is this a family adventure? Are you using the sailboat alone? If so she may be feeling as if your hobby is taking both funds and time from the family, and with two small children I can imagine she’d appreciate your spare time being spent at home. If this is family adventure, then ignore everything I just said.

Second, you say, “. Now I have about 5 months to get her to change her mind on this or were going to have a serious disagreement. I'm not willing to give up sailing.” I understand your passion and please understand that this is coming from a woman who’s jumped through hoops to keep her husband sailing because that’s his passion as well. But marriage is a partnership and neither of you should be coming to the discussion with a refusal to budge—not unless you’re willing to break up the partnership.

Have you discussed your family budget? Are there bills that aren’t being paid because of your hobby? Are there necessary purchases (new car to replace a junker, shoes for the kids, paint for the house, etc) that aren’t being made because of your hobby? Don’t get me wrong—it’s fine to sacrifice for a dream but sacrifice is tough if you don’t share the dream. You mention the dock fees but I think we all know that’s far from the only expense for a boat owner. Take a realistic look at what you’re spending on this hobby before you have a budget discussion and be sure to include time away from your family (if any).

Oh—and I read the rest of the chain before posting this and found that she doesn’t like sailing. I agree with the posters who suggested that heeling doesn’t endear a newbie, particularly one with small children in the boat to worry about. And please don’t suggest to her that she’s controlling you if she complains about heeling, because she very likely feels exactly that way about you—that you’ve talked her into coming along and then won’t consider her feelings and put a proper reef in the main. And yes, that is an issue for me and I’ll never understand why my husband insists on making me sail with fear when it would be just as easy to add a reef and both of us enjoy the sail. Of course, that may not be the issue with you and forgive my little rant if it’s not. :-)

Good luck.
Wow. A lot of good female persective there.
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