Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...) - SailNet Community

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Old 03-10-2013
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Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

We arrived at the marina to general commotion - folks standing around the launch ramp, looking down. Being social animals, we join the crowd and start looking down, too. There is a diver in the water....

Well, we have to take things to our boat, so we just carry on after a brief look.

Our neighbour comes walking down the dock a few minutes later and, still intrigued with all the commotion, we ask him if he knew what was going on...

"Well", he hums, "you're going to find out anyway... I came walking down back there, and had to sneeze... And my dentures flew out..."

We laughed. But, we forgot to ask if the dentures were retrieved. However, judging by the way he was speaking, I do believe they were back in his mouth.

Other true stories out there for a chuckle?
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Old 03-10-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

shared a boat with a distinguished Harvard trained physician who served as a primary care doc for the town in which we kept our boat. Two of us went on a cold wet Maine cruise. He developed a Staph infection on his bum and thighs. Once we got past Cape Ann on the way back the glorious sun came out so he stripped to his birthday suit both for relief and antiseptic effect. Sailed into his yacht club to unload the boat to pointed fingers and exclamations.
Yep- he forgot to put his clothes back on.
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Old 03-10-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

Thanks, Outbound... Here's another one.

Same marina, at the rather confined area near the haul-out (lift-out, really) dock.

A pretty new motorboat, something like a 25ft cabin cruiser, slowly approaches. The driver is a 30-ish man, a little stocky, somewhat swarthy. Mediteranean? He has a girlfriend on board. She looks a little like a trophy, all pretty, prettily dressed. City-make up and all.

The boat is new and so is the driver, but he manages to hit nothing. There is no wind to drift him anywhere and, being careful (to his credit) he cannot maneuvre close to the dock.

We all try to help. He comes close, but we cannot reach him. Now we notice that he has not prepared any dock lines. So, we recommend that he get a dockline to us.

He instructs his girlfriend: throw them a line.

When she is explained what a dock line is and where to find it, she complies and throws us aline.

It is still wrapped in its plastic package.
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Old 03-10-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

Was walking down the floats from the boat one day and heard a lot of profanity from the area of the launch ramp.. wandered over and there's a fellow who'd quite lost it, and his cartopper appeared to be drifting 20 feet off the ramp.

I thought he was overreacting a bit, just forgot to secure his boat.. until it became obvious that he'd parked on the ramp, gotten out to remove the boat.. his truck rolled down the ramp and was, in fact, on the bottom several meters below his little boat...
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Old 03-10-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

One of our son's friends from Nebraska was out visiting and when we arrived home and were lugging the heavy cart with our stuff up the very steep ramp (minus tide) he asked "Geez, why do they build these ramps so steep?".

Fast- been there, done that. Borrowed a friends old, seldom used truck, to haul our boat out, backed down the ramp and went to stop and - no brakes- foot went to the floor (several times). I bailed out when the water came in the window :-)) I don't borrow stuff anymore.
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Old 03-10-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

I had an 18' Jet sled work boat that we used on the Skagit River, but sometimes on the bay. The rollers on the trailer didn't roll well, but that was handy. When I would launch it, I would undo the winch line and chain and tie a long bow line to the trailer winch, back the boat down the ramp and stop suddenly when the water was deep enough. The boat would slide off the sticky rollers and I would jump out and tie off the bow line to something. Well, one spring I serviced those rollers. I trailered the boat down to Mukilteo to a busy launch for a fall Coho fishery I backed up onto the ramp, jumped out, undid the chain and winch strap and the boat slid off the trailer right onto the concrete ramp with a full peanut gallery with lots of advice on how to launch a boat.
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

I was a boat captain many years ago. One stint I had was to pick up guests of a local inn and take them across a small bay to an outer beach on Cape Cod. I spent a fair bit time waiting for guests to come down to the public beach, where I anchored a 20' power boat just off the shore.

Near the end of one day's shift, two middle-aged couples came scurrying down the beach from the parking lot to the water's edge. They all stopped and stood about ankle deep in the calm water and began to exclaim how nice it was, how they had finally made it (presumably after a long trip), and how good this trip was going to be for them. Then, one of the men started to wade further into the water. "C'mon Larry, that water's perfect", he says. "Oh no Joe, I'm good right where I am", the other guy says.

But Joe starts to give Larry a hard time for not joining him, all in a lighthearted way though, and continues to wade further into the water. Both women tell Joe Larry's on vacation and so just leave him be. Joe wades out a bit further and stops. Now the water is about mid-thigh in depth and Joe's shorts are getting wet.

Larry says, with a bit of emphasis, "What's the matter Joe? Why'd you stop?" Joe replies, a bit defensively, "Well, when you get to a certain point...". After all three back on shore chuckle briefly Larry says, "Yeah, that's why I stopped up here!" Both women laugh quite a bit more, especially when Joe replied, "Oh, what a braggart you are!"

True story. All timed perfectly, as if Bob Newhart wrote the scene.
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Last edited by Michael K; 03-11-2013 at 11:27 PM.
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Old 03-10-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

At the dock? Ok, I have one of those, but for my full list of screw-ups look in the Boneheaded Moves thread.

Sideways
The yard launched our old Sabre 28 and I moved it around to the slip singlehanded. I didn't have the lines on the pilings or on the cleats. I started backing down into the slip and was perfectly aligned when a wind puff caught me, I missed lassoing a piling, and ended up sideways inside three slips. Fortunately, it was early in the season and no one was around to see me and my stellar boat handling skills.

But if we can leave the dock in this thread....

Boom Flying
When I was in college, I used to boom fly. You know, rig a bo'sun chair on the end of block and tackle and hang from the end of the boom. Get in and splash through the water as you sail (but not under power). It's fun when it works right.

Fast forward 25 years; I'm showing off for my wife and daughter. I rig the seat, use a preventer for the block & tackle, and skip the step that says "Get in the chair while it's suspended over the cockpit. I slip out of the chair, catch the end of the jib sheet while falling, hit the water, and lose my swim trunks in the boat's 4 kt wake. To keep the trunks from going past my ankles, I spread my legs as wide as they will go and take a mouth full of water. At this point I notice that the end of the sheet is wrapped around my neck and flick it off with my one free hand. At this point, I'm screaming for my wife to round up and stop the boat..... but she and my daughter are too busy laughing (I won't even imply why).... kept the shorts though......good thing there were no jellyfish that day.
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

During college in 1975, I had a job to computer code accident reports filed by state troopers.
Here is a report filed by a trooper.
Man backed his boat down the ramp at a park on the Suwanee River. As he stopped, the boat slid off the trailer into the water. Man looks at boat for a minute and undresses and swims out to boat. He gets into boat but looks back as truck rolls backwards into the water. Man realizes he has left boat keys in truck so all he can do is float around. Next, he notices he has also forgot the transom plugs and is sinking. Trooper says he was nice enough to not cite him for indecent exposure.

Another accident occurred when a womans pet turtle crawled under the brake pedal.................
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Old 03-11-2013
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Re: Humor at the dock (mostly unintended...)

Quote:
Another accident occurred when a womans pet turtle crawled under the brake pedal.................
Oh geez, that just brought back a memory. On a road trip to Alaska when I was a kid, the cat got under the clutch pedal. No one knows how long it had been there, but it was quickly discovered when dad had to downshift for a hill.

We're getting further and further from the dock.
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