Okay Ladies, I need some advice ...... - Page 2 - SailNet Community
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post #11 of 48 Old 06-10-2008 Thread Starter
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Maybe when I was younger, and a lot dumber and full of hormones norse, but nowdays, that pesky 'ol conscience tends to kick in

I'm too aware of the damage that can be done, even if it's not intentional.

John
Ontario 32 - Aria

Free, is the heart, that lives not, in fear.
Full, is the spirit, that thinks not, of falling.
True, is the soul, that hesitates not, to give.
Alive, is the one, that believes, in love.
JCP


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post #12 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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Originally Posted by MrRagu View Post
TB,

Aren't all us men "submissively subservient" to them!

Mike
Ain't that the truth?


John,
The problem with receiving payment for "services rendered", is that you will constantly be under pressure to perform at a level commensurate with your pay scale.

True Blue . . .
sold the Nauticat
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post #13 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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And then there's the side that would feel bad about taking her money and it didn't work out.
Uh, John? That whooshing sound you hear? Is that the air rushing past your ears as you fall off a cliff? I'm deliberately taking your sentence out of context to make a point. This sounds a lot like my definition of prostitution (or in your case would that be gigolo-ness?) Is THAT what your radar is sensing is behind her offer?
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post #14 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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... though I reckon I'll get it from both genders.

Well, talk about strange twists and turns ...

I'm looking at the possibility of working for a woman (who does have sailing experience) as a handyman, while we get to know each other. Not really sure how good of an idea that is though. While it kills two birds with one stone, so to speak, it also seems as though it could put some rather large potholes in the road as well. Mainly in the form of perceptions.

There seems to be general agreement that neither of us is too sure about what we want, and that just becoming friends would be enough. So it would seem, there is no problem with expectations,...
Yes, you will get advice from both genders... And it's worth every cent that you pay for it too!

If I distill my understanding of the possible agreement, she has offered you to work for her as a handyman. Additionally, she is not precluding the possibility that "something more" may develop.

I suggest that you and she come to an agreement as to the terms of the "handyman" (James Taylor inference not intended) relationship. (BTW - is this on land or sea based relationship?) Agree, and document the hourly wage, provision for overtime, cost of materials, travel, etc... Please do not allow yourself to be ...um... taken advantage of in this aspect of the relationship.

With regard to the "something more" - If this develops, great. If not that should be OK by both of you too.

In your position, I would make the default assumption that this is a platonic relationship unless she initates something. I would, however show her the quality of the work that you do, and contrast that to the other hacks that may be in the same field.

Best of luck to ya...

-Ed
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post #15 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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Why am I thinking of that old Tony Danza sit com? "Hose the Boss" or something like that.

I say if you want the job, pass on the woman, but if you want the woman, pass on the job. But that's me, not you. However, like you, I do see how it could be somewhat innocent on her part. If she is interested, knows you may have to leave because you need work and she has work, offering you the work is somehwat logical even though it can be construed as paying for the whole package. Interest in a relationship is a binary thing - "friendship to start with" is interest. Just my opinion and possibly worth less than what you paid.

-Andy
Newport 17 - "Kohanna"
At sea Darwin's hypotheses is the final arbiter of right of way.
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post #16 of 48 Old 06-10-2008 Thread Starter
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The fly in the ointment, is not knowing if it's merely an innocent, generous offer, or "something else", and that won't be known, till I know the lady better. So as I said, this is mostly about thinking outloud.

John
Ontario 32 - Aria

Free, is the heart, that lives not, in fear.
Full, is the spirit, that thinks not, of falling.
True, is the soul, that hesitates not, to give.
Alive, is the one, that believes, in love.
JCP


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post #17 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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I don't watch Dr. Phil and yet I've caught myself reading this! MUST be the heat! John, you sound like a nice guy... and you sound like you need work...and are a bit lonely. I would tend to follow the rule of "don't dip your pen in the company ink" - I would approach this as a business relationship until proven something else. Do NOT give her a special discount for the work, or if she throws in dinner or the ink well ... I couldn't agree with Ed and Eryka more. I've seen this happen before, women taking advantage of someone to get a bit of work done on the boat. Now, the flip side of this- I hired someone to do some work-we have become friends (friend of my husbands too) and I no longer hire him to do work for me. It was just too easy for my work order to go to the bottom of the list because of being a friend. I didn't get mad, I simply hire someone else. And if you're a nice guy, and you seem to be, the lonely part will take care of itself. Be patient. People are treasures and we stumble across the greatest ones when we aren't digging for them. Wow-if we could only charge like Dr Phil!

"The God's do not subtract from man's
(or woman's) allotted time the hours spent in sailing."



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post #18 of 48 Old 06-10-2008 Thread Starter
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Well, we've decided to put the issue on the back burner. I do though, get the feeling it was simply an innocent offer, made without thought of expectations, or possible perceptions.

NauticalFishwife - loneliness isn't really an issue with me. Being alone, doesn't automatically make you lonely , but you probably knew that. I'm just aware of how much more rewarding it can be when the adventure is shared.

John
Ontario 32 - Aria

Free, is the heart, that lives not, in fear.
Full, is the spirit, that thinks not, of falling.
True, is the soul, that hesitates not, to give.
Alive, is the one, that believes, in love.
JCP


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post #19 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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As a boss I always tool my employees that they had to learn to separate friendship from business...When your on my clock I will yell at you if need be and if you give me good cause I will fire you..

But after work I will buy you a beer and you can yell at me all you want..
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post #20 of 48 Old 06-10-2008
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Generally, most people have a blind spot when it comes to their own relationships...regardless of how well they deal with other people's relationships.

Sailingdog

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Telstar 28
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You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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