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PBzeer 06-10-2008 11:25 AM

Okay Ladies, I need some advice ......
... though I reckon I'll get it from both genders.

Well, talk about strange twists and turns ...

I'm looking at the possibility of working for a woman (who does have sailing experience) as a handyman, while we get to know each other. Not really sure how good of an idea that is though. While it kills two birds with one stone, so to speak, it also seems as though it could put some rather large potholes in the road as well. Mainly in the form of perceptions.

There seems to be general agreement that neither of us is too sure about what we want, and that just becoming friends would be enough. So it would seem, there is no problem with expectations, but my experience from a couple of years ago, leaves me a bit gun shy in the trust department.

So, I come to the Ladies of Sailnet, because, quite frankly, I have no experiences, or knowledge of women in this type of situation, to guide me in this matter. So I'm seeking a woman's perspective (if it makes a difference, it was completely her idea, wouldn't even have occurred to me).

TrueBlue 06-10-2008 11:44 AM

I'm going to get slammed for replying (since I'm obviously of the "other" gender), but will anyway.

I don't know you personally John - since we've never met, so I can't advise you in personal matters, especially regarding your hopeful intimate relations. But my observation with this impending arrangement draws a general conclusion - whether right or wrong, it's just one opinion.

It takes a certain type of man who doesn't mind being employed by a woman - while having hopeful amorous intentions for her. As you noted, this could lead to "potholes" in the relationship, IF you're opposed to being submissively subservient.

PBzeer 06-10-2008 12:02 PM

TB - that's what I meant about possible perceptions, and expectations. If it's just a generous offer, without expectations, then I could see doing it, whether it would lead to friendship or something more. And, at this point, my expectations don't go beyond friendship.

While I don't mind being deferential, if it's earned, I am not at all subservient, and can't imagine anything worth being so. So, I know how my head is screwed on, but I'm clueless as to how a woman would view it. Hence my plea for advice. Because my first instinct is too garbled.

eryka 06-10-2008 12:11 PM

John - I suspect your "first instinct" is right - the fact that you asked at all indicates that you sense something is off - I distrust relationships that come with roadmaps as this seems to. Am I reading more into the way you presented this than I should? it's not a simple job offer but a job offer with expectation or precondition that you are also going to become closer with her?

I think good relationships grow organically, i.e., you are colleagues who in the course of work discover you have things in common, but no preconditions.

My girl-instinct, FWIW, is skeptical.

PBzeer 06-10-2008 12:29 PM

Yeah, my "radar" isn't working too well on this one. My personality and outlook on life can see it as a generous offer, while my brain tells me it's impractical.

It's not something though, that requires an immediate decision. If it did, I wouldn't do it. Especially after being burned the last time out by one who didn't walk their talk. It's hard for me to doubt people though, without something concrete to base it on.

Anyway, I already told her, it would take knowing her much better before making a decision about it, and that I didn't consider it as part of that process. Your advice though, is helpful, and I appreciate it.

sailhagg 06-10-2008 12:30 PM

Avast, I think thar be a whirlpool ahead....

I'm with eryka, go with your gut. I've hired men in the past and they've all been great but none had a secondary job discription floating about in the future. As in sailing....reef early! My $.02 :)

MrRagu 06-10-2008 12:46 PM


Originally Posted by TrueBlue (Post 327131)
As you noted, this could lead to "potholes" in the relationship, IF you're opposed to being submissively subservient.


Aren't all us men "submissively subservient" to them!:D


PBzeer 06-10-2008 12:52 PM

Of course, there's that coldly logical side that says ... if it goes anywhere, I'll end up doing the work for free ..... and STILL need a job. ;)

And then there's the side that would feel bad about taking her money and it didn't work out.

Mostly though, I'm just talking outloud, so I don't try to rationalize the whole thing. Since by and large, as tempting as it is, it's not a very good way to build any kind of foundation.

norsearayder 06-10-2008 12:55 PM

eye mate go ahead with it all,roll the dice ,your a sailor go to port and dont worry about a thing

Idiens 06-10-2008 12:59 PM

Hey, do the work, take the pay, improve the friendship and let her make the first move beyond that.

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