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  #61  
Old 04-08-2010
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I don't think anyone on this thread is saying that the "constant yellers" aren't a problem. But you and Nick, at least up to this point, have been arguing that there is never a reason to yell.... and that is just wrong.
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You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #62  
Old 04-09-2010
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Glad that's settled then.

I'm looking to hear more about how to keep her happy. This summer we'll have her mom on board too. She moved in with us over the winter. Lucky me, she loves the kids and is a great cook.

Maybe I should start a thread on how to keep a 73 year old grandma happy on board. She's never been on a boat before, so I'll be taking it slow again. You know, sailing in calm conditions. We also need to look at how she can easily get on and off the boat from the dinghy.

Regards,
Brad
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  #63  
Old 04-09-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bene505 View Post
...Maybe I should start a thread on how to keep a 73 year old grandma happy on board. She's never been on a boat before, so I'll be taking it slow again. You know, sailing in calm conditions. We also need to look at how she can easily get on and off the boat from the dinghy.

Regards,
Brad
Brad,

Heck, you should start a thread about how to keep a 73 year old grandma happy at home!!

I'll bet you could offer up some good suggestions....
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  #64  
Old 04-09-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bene505 View Post
Glad that's settled then.

I'm looking to hear more about how to keep her happy. This summer we'll have her mom on board too. She moved in with us over the winter. Lucky me, she loves the kids and is a great cook.

Maybe I should start a thread on how to keep a 73 year old grandma happy on board. She's never been on a boat before, so I'll be taking it slow again. You know, sailing in calm conditions. We also need to look at how she can easily get on and off the boat from the dinghy.

Regards,
Brad
Brad, that's the name of the game, because if she isn't happy, the boat goes nowhere!

There was a study on risk aversion done by Riley and Chow in 1992 that concluded that women become less risk averse as they get older... until age 65, at which time their risk aversion goes up again.

Overall though, the same principles apply. Go slow, never raise your voice, remain in control, and most of all make it a fun and enjoyable experience, no matter what. There are a few other things I'll write about later. Gotta run!
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  #65  
Old 04-09-2010
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watch out for the cane...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bene505 View Post
Glad that's settled then.

I'm looking to hear more about how to keep her happy. This summer we'll have her mom on board too. She moved in with us over the winter. Lucky me, she loves the kids and is a great cook.

Maybe I should start a thread on how to keep a 73 year old grandma happy on board. She's never been on a boat before, so I'll be taking it slow again. You know, sailing in calm conditions. We also need to look at how she can easily get on and off the boat from the dinghy.

Regards,
Brad
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You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #66  
Old 04-09-2010
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  #67  
Old 04-09-2010
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Well!! We've seen some flip-flops on this thread!! Let's move on.

I think that with my wife who has never really been resistant to the cruising concept has always been a little hesitant because of the books that are published which ordinarily speak of storms, danger and hardship. Too many sailors want to be the hero and puiblish books about the bad stuff that happens to cement the view that they're tough, rugged, whatever.

The reality is that 99% of the time you'll spend cruising will be great. That's were I kept my focus. Cruising for me and my family is not about a boat. It's not about sailing. It's about a lifestyle. Most women don't give a rats a$$ about boats or sailing. But they do about idyllic holidays and good times.

The problem is that with all the "negative" publicity ocean sailing gets and with respect a lot of it on this forum, it's no wonder most of our ladies are hesitant. It's hard to reverse that and maybe other comments on this thread are right - get someone else (courses) to tell her it's safe because it'll be a tough road to get her to believe you.

My wife has about 6000 miles of voyaging now. It's been hard to get her started but now that she has, she's very enthusiastic because she sees past the boat an the sailing. Even when I yell
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  #68  
Old 04-16-2010
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Hi OhioTom:
From a woman's perspective !
Food for thought....don't frighten her or you'll never get her back out on the boat. First time out should be under very controlled conditons, very little heel, keep it flat, make it fun as well not all serious. Make sure she understands that not all is dependant on the the sails that the motor can be turned on the the boat brought home just like a car (motor boat). If the kids are along, their safety will be one of her first concern, reinforce it. I agree a women's only course would be good. Encourage her to start reading sailing books and magazines, ones with simple explanations at first till she grasps the lingo. I could go on and on. If you'd like to email me privately, don't hesitate to do so. Either oldsailor100 at persona.ca or cricket dot 2 @ persona.ca
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  #69  
Old 04-16-2010
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Nick's comment was spot on! Men underestimate the loyalty and support their wives will give them if they just take the time to INCLUDE them in "their dreams". She married you because she loves you. All you have to do is make her feel like she has some degree of control as to the pace of things and that she is not being swept off her feet into the unknown. Include her, ask her opinion, and as all the others have said don't overwhelm her too early. And my hubby put shams and color coordinated bedding in the pullman berth the first time I was on the boat. They're gone now (ha!) but it COUNTED!
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  #70  
Old 04-19-2010
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ejanietx,

Excellent points.

First of all, we men can get so excited by the prospect of living out The Dream that we move too quickly. If our spouse doesn't appear to be keeping pace with our arbitrary expectations, we get frustrated. We'll then either compensate by trying to make her "comfortable" as a passenger, or unintentionally make her feel bad about not living up to our standards, or both.

Secondly, in our effort to be "captainly" we can come off as controlling. Captains are leaders, and leaders don't control, they inspire. No one wants to feel controlled; it's a basic tenant of happiness!

I love the "color-coordinated" pullman berth story. Sounds like something I might try-and fail miserably at. But you did notice, and that is the point.

At the end of the day, a good relationship on board is about the same things that it is on land: sharing values and respecting each others' values when they differ.
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