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  #51  
Old 07-15-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrea Royer View Post
There are some funny posts in this thread!

I'm kind of young and unmarried, so I know my situation isn't exactly the same, but I started dating my boyfriend six years ago after meeting at the University of TN. Naturally, growing up in Knoxville, he didn't have any sailing experience and only some experience on motor boats with friends. For our second date, I took him out on one of the UT Sailing Team's JY15's. Of course, the wind died when we hit the farthest point from the yacht club and we ended up sculling the boat for 45 minutes back to the docks. Needless to say, he hasn't expressed much interest in going out with me.
Well, I'm 44 but I don't consider that OLD. And John and I aren't married either but we've been together 7 years. I have to say, nice move with getting your boyfriend out there and the wind conveniently dies.
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  #52  
Old 07-15-2011
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Sorry, Donna! I've already had people call me "kiddo" and the like on here several time and feign hurt feelings when I asked about young sailors in yachting communities.

Yeah, he definitely wasn't impressed. But since I'm about to get a "real" sailboat (haha - I'm obviously partial to the more solid types that aren't trailed so easily) in the water and go live on it for awhile, I think he'll change his mind once he feels the power in bigger sails. And it's a little more fun to enjoy the heeling when you don't feel like you're going to capsize the boat.
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  #53  
Old 07-15-2011
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How would it sit on you to have him skipper the entire trip, or just parts of, some days? (In the back of my mind, my question is whether the problem is entirely just him, or whether you or your role aboard plays some part.)
Fine by me. I think I understand what you mean. We share time at the helm pretty much equally whenever we sail. Someone else mentioned that he may just feel comfortable with my abilities (such as they are), which is flattering, but part of my personal philosophy is that as much as possible, if two people own the boat, both should know everything there is to know about its operation even if responsibilities are divided. I don't know everything about the engine, but I know how to check the oil, know what it sounds like when it's running correctly, keep up with the issues we've had and know the name of the mechanic who makes it hum etc.

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Charts and trip planning are simple enough that I think that isn't the issue. Same with the radio. It's the skipper's boat when (s)he's on deck.
Simple enough for some people and not others as I've found out teaching navigation. I've had classes where I've had to physically separate couples after they started to fight and one half gets impatient with the learning curve of the other.

Yes, it is the skipper's boat. And since both of our names are on the title, we're both legally responsible for the boat and the crew/passengers. Therefore, we should both know at least simple emergency procedures.

The more I respond to these posts, the more I conclude that I just need to be patient. I can't rush his comfort level.
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  #54  
Old 07-16-2011
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Donna, I was thinking more along the lines of allowing him to own responsibility for some trips, rather than continually deferring to you for decisions. I don't know him or his abilities at all, of course. He'll have to grow into the new roles, if that's what it takes.

In my daily life, I only manage to keep the waist line under control by delegating enough work to others so I can take mid-day bicycle rides. This only deepens my farmer's tan, but that's a different story.
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Old 07-18-2011
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Donna,

Don't fret if he likes going buoy to buoy.


He might be quitely thinking you are wandering all over the channel
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Old 07-18-2011
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Donna,

Don't fret if he likes going buoy to buoy.
He might be quitely thinking you are wandering all over the channel
HA! I didn't think of that. I can bring up the Polar Navy tracks to prove that I was NOT.
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Old 07-18-2011
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Originally Posted by WDSchock View Post
Donna,

Don't fret if he likes going buoy to buoy.


He might be quitely thinking you are wandering all over the channel
Let me second that. When Gloria and I leave here for her family home in North Dakota, 700-some miles away, she's thinking "Grand Forks." I'm thinking "Hamilton, MO," forty miles away. We both have the same goal, I just like lots of little successes.
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  #58  
Old 07-18-2011
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Originally Posted by junkrig View Post
Let me second that. When Gloria and I leave here for her family home in North Dakota, 700-some miles away, she's thinking "Grand Forks." I'm thinking "Hamilton, MO," forty miles away. We both have the same goal, I just like lots of little successes.
There's some philosophy here that's transferable to life as a whole, not just sailing.
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Old 08-05-2011
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Quote:
Or, maybe I'm just sulking because I would like to be the boat fluff every once in a while.
Sorry to enter this thread so late, but haven't been on this forum for awhile. I had a similar situation, but on a much smaller scale. My husband and I recently learned to sail together and now own a small sailboat. When we first started we shared all responsibilities, however recently he likes to do all the motoring and leaves the sailing to me, thinking that I'm the "better" sailor. So when we go out I do most of the work once we're out of the harbor. I don't mind so much, but when we have guests I would like to relax a bit and enjoy their company, and not have to worry about a busy San Diego bay full of boats, ships, and barges.

It all changed a few weeks ago when I invited a friend who was a very good sailor and had once owned a boat similar to ours. I gave the tiller to him and never took it back. He and hubby shared in the sailing and I think it gave my husband back the confidence that he had lost somewhere along the line.

Now he shares in the sailing and I have learned to do a better job of motoring and docking. I must admit that it was so much fun to have a glass of wine, sit back, relax, and leave the sailing to someone else! This probably doesn't help you at all in your situation, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in wanting to be "boat fluff" once in awhile.
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Old 08-05-2011
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San Diego,


He might be secretly letting you sail because he wants you to be able to stand the 0100-0500 watch alone one day.
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