Tired of dreaming....

Dreamer2 · #1 10-01-2008

I've dreamed of sailing & seeing the world for most of my life. Unfortunately, life seems to have kept getting in the way....lol. Now I find myself married, approaching middle age, a father of 2 wonderful girls & no closer to realizing my dream than I was when I first played with a toy boat in the bathtub.

Reflecting back, I know that I was the only thing preventing my dream from becoming reality & have now resolved to make this happen. With that said, I have spoken to my wife on several occasions about taking a year or two off & going cruising over the past years, waiting 'til our girls are old enough to not require constant supervision,(loose appellation here, I really don't want to wait until they are in they're 20's......); say in another 6 years when they are 12 & 9. This idea has become increasingly important to me as I firmly believe that the wealth of life experience our daughters will gain is invaluable. Whenever I broach the subject, my wife always gives me this tolerant smile that says "yes dear, keep dreaming", followed by statements that imply she isn't totally against the idea, & would be willing to consider it as soon as pigs sprout wings. While she certainly loves being out on a boat (we are on our second runabout in the past 16 years), she has many reservations about: A) being out at sea, B) Living on a sailboat, C) my sanity for seriously wanting to do this.

I am quite certain that there are many cruising couples/families out there where one of the spouses had similar issues. I am looking for insight on how did he/she come to terms with the idea, what they're thoughts were at the time, & what the OTHER spouse did to finally convince them to give it a try?

Thanks to any & all that can offer me help...

Giulietta · #2 10-01-2008

We're never happy with what we have...consider yourself lucky..you have 2 kids wife home all that..

some can't have babies, others the the wife left them and many many don't even know what they can find for tomorrow's meals....others died..it's such life..

You've already been blessed...keep dreaming...good things come to those that wait...sailboat's just accessories

camaraderie · #3 10-01-2008

It never works if both don't WANT it. We have seen many couples stop cruising with both resentlful after ONE...usually the wife...conceded to let the cruise happen...then was unhappy "camping" for the next year or two....causing other spouse to resent the attitude.

Don't do it unless she really wants to try it....Other alternatives exist.
1. You go sailing on a smaller boat and invite her to JOIN you at nice destinations.
2. You go on charters in the Caribe and she falls in love with the idea of cruising.
3. You wait till the kids get out of school...divorce the wife and find a 22 year old who wants to sail!

ckgreenman · #4 10-01-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by camaraderie

It never works if both don't WANT it. We have seen many couples stop cruising with both resentlful after ONE...usually the wife...conceded to let the cruise happen...then was unhappy "camping" for the next year or two....causing other spouse to resent the attitude.

Don't do it unless she really wants to try it....Other alternatives exist.
1. You go sailing on a smaller boat and invite her to JOIN you at nice destinations.
2. You go on charters in the Caribe and she falls in love with the idea of cruising.
3. You wait till the kids get out of school...divorce the wife and find a 22 year old who wants to sail!

Option 3 can be expensive if you live in a community property state. make sure if you do option 3 you wait until after the divorce to buy the boat

.

My wife likes the idea of "retiring" on a boat. Personally I'd like to start sooner. She's into camping and we lived in a 35' RV for a month with 3 dogs, 3 cats and a bird without killing each other so I think we can deal with the close quarters.

Good luck on getting the wife into it. You might try starting off with short (week or less) cruises first to see if she likes it.

sck5 · #5 10-02-2008

Very important to make that first cruise with the wife a good one. Do anything you can to make it calm, fun, etc. Pick a spectacular spot to do a charter with easy sailing and fun places to visit. Charter a boat that is a bit bigger than you really need. Buy her presents. Do the dishes. I did all that and now she is hooked.

JohnRPollard · #6 10-02-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by sck5

Very important to make that first cruise with the wife a good one. Do anything you can to make it calm, fun, etc. Pick a spectacular spot to do a charter with easy sailing and fun places to visit. Charter a boat that is a bit bigger than you really need. Buy her presents. Do the dishes. I did all that and now she is hooked.

Good advice. By "easy sailing", think short distances/hops. Don't plan any overnight sails initially, try to keep it all in daylight and <4-6 hour sails.

ckgreenman · #7 10-02-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by sck5

Buy her presents. Do the dishes. I did all that and now she is hooked.

Careful though. You might get "stuck" doing all that stuff EVERY time.

Pretty good advice though. Especially if your wife is on the edge. Plus it will give her something to look back on as a reminder for those times when it's less than perfect.

merlin2375 · #8 10-02-2008

IMHO, you kind of have to work your way up to it. If you're a daysailor now, then you should work on becoming a weekend cruiser, then coastal cruiser, then cruiser, then extended cruiser, then live-aboard cruiser. It may be to big of a step to do what you do now for 2 more years then just go out and "cruise" with no building up to it.

Drylander · #9 10-03-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by sck5

... Buy her presents. Do the dishes. I did all that and now she is hooked.

But let me guess... since then you are the one who does the dishes?

Plus, if she gets seasick dishes and presents are not gonna help.
My experience was different: first time my admiral went sailing with me it was dead calm: 2knts wind and it was extremely boring. We motored all the way. The second time she did not want to go, but eventually I persuaded her and we had a nice trip... the first half of it... then weather changed quickly and we found ourselves in 35 knts wind and 12 foot seas. We pulled into the slip at pitch dark and every little muscle in my body hurt like hell. During the whole second part of the trip she did not say a word. I thought her sailing days are over. However the first thing she said to me when we got on the ground was "I will need a drysuit next time I go sailing with you!" (we got wet, I have to admit). Since then she likes it... So dishes may not be necessary after all.

You need to start with daysailing, then anchor overnight for a weekend trip, then take a week long trip and so on... I have to admit though that I never went on a trip more than several days. However it does not seem such outrageous anymore since we sail on a regular basis and when kids will go to college, who knows?

Dreamer2 · #10 10-03-2008

Love the advice everybody....
I already do 90% of the cooking (& hence 90% of the dishes...lol)& since I'm a die-hard romantic (go figure) I frequently buy her flowers, little gifts, etc etc... We both share in house cleaning duties as well
We are both into the outdoors. We love to go camping (REAL camping as in a tent, lanterns, & coleman stove. No cabins, & we DON'T bring a generator.....lol); bike riding, walks on the beach, & some occasional hiking. She also loves to go fishing (my Father-in law is an avid bass fisherman, & one GREAT guy!) We have at times rented an RV for road trips & had fun as well. We go out on our boat (23' Chaparral bowrider) at least once or twice a month during the summer, & maybe 5 to six times during the off season, (we live in Southern California).

I think that a big part of the issue is the idea of letting go (temporarily anyways) of all the things that one gets tied to with life on land. I also know she has some fear of the idea of being out at sea with no one else to call for help in a sticky situation. I have done my best to try & alleviate these fears by discussing the idea of being prepared to deal with contingencies (as much as possible anyways).
I don't think that it'll take TOO much work to get her to try this lifestyle with me. However, I believe that it would be of tremendous help if she could talk &/or meet with families that enjoy this kind of life.

As for divorcing & finding a 22 yr old......well she HAS threatened me many times over the past 17 years to trade me in for 2-20 yr olds when I hit 40. She didnt do it, & hasnt brought up trading me in for 2-21 yr olds next year so.........