Gaining skipper skills (asking for my wife)

josrulz · #1 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

Hi all,
My wife and I have a Sabre 34 that we bought a couple years ago. While I've been sailing my whole life, my wife started about 4 years ago. She took a small boat sailing course from Sailing Club of Washington (Flying Scots) and really enjoyed it. And ultimately we bought our boat.

She's fantastic crew--determined, smart, and strong. But she's not learning the type of skills a skipper needs to know, totally because I'm around all the time. I know, it's not a new story. The point is, she wants those skills. She wants to skipper, to take the boat out without me, and to be able to be more than just great crew while passage making (down the line).

So we're looking at classes, perhaps something ASA, or maybe Womanship in Annapolis. My wife doesn't mind mix-gender classes, so it's not a question of comfort. That said, ASA seems to be about certification to bareboat charter--not really her goal. She just wants to be a competent skipper.

As I said, I know this isn't a new question really. Just wondering what you all might think is the best course, given our situation. We're in the Annapolis area.
Thanks!
-J

SlowButSteady · #2 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

There's nothing like necessity for gaining experience. If it were me, I would just go sailing with her. Tell her that she's in charge, and then settle into a corner of the cockpit with a good novel and a cup of coffee and only help her if she really needs help. Let her make all the decisions (ALL the decisions), for good or bad. Don't intervene unless things look really dangerous. She'll learn; and probably a lot faster than any class she could take.

Yorksailor · #3 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

Go sailing and let her run the show...720 days at sea is a great training!

However my wife had been "hell on wheels" since the USGG gave her one of those darn 100 ton Master's licenses.

But she earned it and it has paid massive benefits ever since...Especially as a Hispanic female in Latin America...She ranks the Capitain de Puerto!

However, courses with you absent will pay dividends too.

Phil

josrulz · #4 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

We always say we're going to do just that--have her in charge--but we tend to fall back on what we know. Not saying we won't try it again this season, I'm just saying it might be worthwhile for her to learn on her own. I mean, she wants to learn, and she's totally capable. She just needs that experience.

trlrtrsh · #5 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

I think the classes will bolster her courage a bit. And the experience will do as much if not more. If she wants to take the classes, I say go for it.
At some point, she's going to say Why don't we do it this way. At that point, walk away and tell her to do it, She is in charge. Small steps pay big dividends.

Yorksailor · #6 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

The greatest skill a teacher has is the ability to 'sit on his hands and mouth' and let the student do the job!

As I said..."courses with you absent."

bljones · #7 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by josrulz

We always say we're going to do just that--have her in charge--but we tend to fall back on what we know.

Uh-uh. When you say "we," what you really mean is "I". Experience has shown that if one's wife wants to take the wheel the only way she will relinquish the helm is if somebody else is intimating that she isn't doing it right or undermining her confidence.
This season, try something new. Sit down, shut up, and let her do her thing. If she wants off the wheel tell her it is still her watch.

Capnblu · #8 (**permalink**) 03-12-2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by bljones

Uh-uh. When you say "we," what you really mean is "I". Experience has shown that if one's wife wants to take the wheel the only way she will relinquish the helm is if somebody else is intimating that she isn't doing it right or undermining her confidence.
This season, try something new. Sit down, shut up, and let her do her thing. If she wants off the wheel tell her it is still her watch.

SHHHH thats what I'm gonna do!!! (wish me luck) hehehehe

josrulz · #9 (**permalink**) 03-13-2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by bljones

Uh-uh. When you say "we," what you really mean is "I".

I know the type bljones, and thanks for the input. In our case, it's really a "we" thing. I'm not a yeller or intimidating type (and I'm a former sailing instructor). For us, it's more like when trying to learn a language. I was once trying to learn French and had a roommate that was fluent. I thought that would be great. But he spoke English way better than I spoke French, and we kept falling back on English.

We keep falling back on our routines, and we both do it.

I have all kinds of experience on other boats, with other people. Almost all of my wife's sailing experience is with me. We both think that getting her outside experience will help her gain the additional experience and confidence she needs. Combine that with more effort on our parts to not fall back into routines, and we have a winning strategy.

My original question was about any thoughts on the type of classes--typical ASA verses Womanship (specifically, since we're near Annapolis). Anyone have any input about these two options?

Thanks again for all the input, everyone!
-J

kd3pc · #10 (**permalink**) 03-13-2011

We, the wife and I, took ASA courses from Norton's a year ago, and she - being a power boater in an earlier life did very well. She steers much better than I, but she lacks the confidence to "capt" the boat. Nor does she like to dock.

We had slipmates where the wife spent a long weekend with WomanSHip, and both she and the husband are convinced that is the way to go. They will actually ask the husband to simply turn around and head home to the boat, or to the bar...The Male can not go, even if he wants to.

My SO plans on taking that weekend course this summer to really gain the confidence she needs to be 100% comfortable.

So you have one vote for the Womanship.