Want to live aboard (tried) but family, mainly wife does not approve - Page 5 - SailNet Community
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post #41 of 60 Old 05-17-2009
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Two of the previous posts above stated that living aboard is more difficult than living on land. I disagree, although without any objective data. My wife and I moved aboard in 1972; raised two children from infancy to college; and continue fulltime cruising in our 38th year of living aboard. There are many advantages in maintaining a smaller space as a home and wonderful benefits that come with the raising of a family in close quarters. The skills developed in resolving problems and effective communication are enhanced when you reside in a space less than 400 square feet. Although my wife and I were committed to living aboard before we married, we were not aware of the benefits of our family relationship that were in store for us. 'take care and joy, Aythya crew
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post #42 of 60 Old 05-17-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sailingdog View Post
Get Debra Anne Cantrell's book: Changing Course; and read it... then give it to your wife.
Thanks SD, I'll find a copy and let the wife read it. I don't think it will change her mind. I thought that sailing the Texas coast for a couple of months might change her mind. We'll have to see.

D

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S/V Miss Sadie
1978 Watkins 27
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post #43 of 60 Old 05-17-2009
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Just remember, YOU NEED TO READ IT FIRST.

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Thanks SD, I'll find a copy and let the wife read it. I don't think it will change her mind. I thought that sailing the Texas coast for a couple of months might change her mind. We'll have to see.

D

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You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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Still—DON'T READ THAT POST AGAIN.
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post #44 of 60 Old 05-17-2009
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Ok I'll read it first then try and get her to read it. Thanks

Smooth water never makes a good sailor.

S/V Miss Sadie
1978 Watkins 27
Middle Texas Coast
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post #45 of 60 Old 05-20-2009
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I understand your pain. My ex-wife is like that. We waited/lasted until the kids were grown and then pursued our interests, independently. This is a good plan for us. I am still not convinced on the sanity raising kids on a boat.

Between "now and then", maybe you should focus on your kids and daysailing when you can get away. You may find one of your kids is insanely in love with sailing and be your sail buddy.
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post #46 of 60 Old 05-24-2009
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It's interesting to read this thread. Often times you hear that people are "tired of the BS on land" and think somehow there's no BS at marinas...I don't often hear that someone loves to be out on the water, loves the freedom of sailing, loves the quirky lifestyle of marinas...They think somehow it's living off the grid, less expensive or less fraught with difficulties.
I know nearly as many men who are not sold on living aboard as women- One of my friends (a woman) who was part of a couple who had the dream to cruise gave it up when her husband wanted to move back to land and she was quite unhappy about it...
I think dreams in good marriages are shared IMHO - but it is deceptive.
It is NOT simpler necessarily to liveaboard. You have less stuff, yes, but life can still be complex...don't get me wrong- I wouldn't trade it for the world but it's NOT an escape from the BS of land...

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post #47 of 60 Old 05-26-2009
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not 'simpler,' just 'different'

I agree that living aboard may not be simpler. True, you don't have to mow lawns or clear leaves from your rain gutters. OTOH, when you live on land, if you get a leak and don't fix it right away, your stuff gets wet. If you live on a boat and get a leak and don't fix it right away, your home may sink! I don't know that I'd call that 'simpler,' (not that I'd trade!)
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post #48 of 60 Old 06-03-2009
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Smile Living Aboard

I can tell you from experience that living aboard is a challenge with a family. I was lucky however and my significant other was skeptical at first and then came to love the life after the first year. Here are my suggestions, and what worked for me in my own experience.

1. Move to a warmer climate. The less resistance, the better life is aboard.
2. Get her involved in your excitement, have her invovled in all of it, show her the books, how to navigate, the boat systems, etc.
3. Get the boat underway and travel asap. Show her the unihabited islands, dolphins, fishing, sea turtles, etc.
4. Learn to meet her halfway on some things.
5. Keep your boat as large as possible. We traded our 34' catamaran for a 44' catamaran, and it was a huge difference and comfort for my significant other.

We have raised our son aboard since he was a year old. He is now three and loves the boat and gets invovled in small things for now. He knows the anchor lines, the jib sheaths, the main halyard. I am proud to be raising him this way and having him in touch with nature.

We plan on sailing to south America and then Austraila soon. I am lucky to have a job where I have that kind of flexability. It is easier for your wife once she sees the kids adhere to the lifestyle. However certain land comforts are always nice on occasions (like long showers, and the occasional buffet). Make the boat as comfortable as possible (A/C, Television, 110volt power inverters) My reasons for living on the water were similiar to yours, so baby step her into it. But get further south. NJ sucks in the winter to live aboard!
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post #49 of 60 Old 06-07-2009
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There is a lot of good advice here. I will try to make mine short and sweet.

Go slow. Find other sailing mamas and get her acquainted with them either via blogs or in person. Let her come to realize on her own why this is such a fabulous lifestyle... especially for kids!

I have some links on my blog (below) to other sailing families like us. Then they have links on their blogs... and so on.

If she sees pics of kids and moms doing everyday stuff on a boat, that will help. Then on top of that she'll see the not-so-everyday amazing side of the lifestyle, and hopefully she'll say, "THAT'S what I want for my kids!"


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post #50 of 60 Old 06-07-2009
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Another good reference on living aboard is 'The Essentials of Living Aboard a Boat' by Mark Nicholas. This book discusses some of the important considerations of dock-side living. It provides a good reality check for anyone considering moving aboard...even those who are already certain they want to make such a change in their lifestyle.

Sailing isn't a matter of life and death. It's much more important than that!
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