Want to live aboard (tried) but family, mainly wife does not approve - SailNet Community

   Search Sailnet:

 forums  store  


Quick Menu
Forums           
Articles          
Galleries        
Boat Reviews  
Classifieds     
Search SailNet 
Boat Search (new)

Shop the
SailNet Store
Anchor Locker
Boatbuilding & Repair
Charts
Clothing
Electrical
Electronics
Engine
Hatches and Portlights
Interior And Galley
Maintenance
Marine Electronics
Navigation
Other Items
Plumbing and Pumps
Rigging
Safety
Sailing Hardware
Trailer & Watersports
Clearance Items

Advertise Here






Go Back   SailNet Community > Out There > Cruising & Liveaboard Forum > Living Aboard
 Not a Member? 


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-06-2009
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 0
privatearms is on a distinguished road
Want to live aboard (tried) but family, mainly wife does not approve

Hello everyone.
I have made it my dream to live abord but I encountered alot of problems. I am planning on getting a cheap 40' boat and fixing it up myself so it will be the way I want it to be. I know a 40' sailboat is plenty of space for a family, however, my wife hates the idea. She simply does not want our kids or herself on the water. I personally love the idea and I know people who live on boats and live well.

I am tired of the B/S on land. I love the water. Does anyone have any ideas on how to change my wife's mind? By the way, we live in NJ.

Also, I intend to sail to Australia and England when and if I get a chance to.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #2  
Old 05-06-2009
sailingdog's Avatar
Telstar 28
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 43,291
Thanks: 0
Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts
Rep Power: 13
sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
A good book to get is Changing Course, by Debra Anne Cantrell.

I would highly recommend you read it and then give it to your wife.
__________________
Sailingdog

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Telstar 28
New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

If you're new to the Sailnet Forums... please read this
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.

Still—DON'T READ THAT POST AGAIN.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #3  
Old 05-06-2009
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Long Island
Posts: 2,129
Thanks: 1
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 6
WanderingStar is on a distinguished road
Good luck persuading her. But first you should try daysailing with your family, so they can learn to enjoy it. Then a weekend cruise. Maybe over time she'll come to apreciate it.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #4  
Old 05-06-2009
theartfuldodger's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 278
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 8
theartfuldodger is on a distinguished road
Send a message via Skype™ to theartfuldodger
If your looking for support would suggest joining a sail club where there are other female sailors and families, and get involved with the club will give her a chance to hear from other ladies, as I'm sure they have stories to tell her when they first started out and how they have come to change their minds. This I can say first hand as was the way I got my wife interested, and she now loves living aboard and looking forward to our up coming sail.
__________________
Brake Free
Lake Ontario
42 CC Passage
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #5  
Old 05-06-2009
delan's Avatar
scurvy dog
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Palm Island Miami Beach
Posts: 56
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Rep Power: 6
delan is on a distinguished road
You should get it comfortable enough for a couple of overnighters first, then see how the family feel, for sure, it's not unreasonable for them to not share your love of boating.
My wife has lived aboard with me, then we moved to a house, and now she'd never move back onto a boat. In fact, neither she or the kids have much interest in sailing.
Now for a Bahamas trip, I either go solo or sail over with a buddy, who flies back, then the family joins me. That way we all enjoy it.

the last thing you want is to be on a boat with someone that doesn't want to be there.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #6  
Old 05-07-2009
Cruisingdad's Avatar
Best Looking MALE Mod
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mobile Liveaboards
Posts: 9,894
Thanks: 3
Thanked 97 Times in 52 Posts
Rep Power: 10
Cruisingdad is a jewel in the rough Cruisingdad is a jewel in the rough Cruisingdad is a jewel in the rough
Certainly no one can tell you how to convince your wife. That is between the two of you and the family. How old are the kids? My oldest was on board at 5 days old and we lived aboard a Catalina 380 (with two dogs to boot!!).

Our Catalina 380 before a trip to the Tortugas


My wife and oldest at the wheel



Chase Watching TV 'Somewhere' in South Florida



I will tell you that some of the best memories of my life have been on a boat... and some of the worst. Living aboard is very tough... much more tough than living on land. I think it requires a high level of commitment starting off. You then get an eye opener afterwards because things just are not what you thought they might be. It certainly is not all sunsets and margaritas. And after you have spent many weeks/months aboard, 40 feet gets very cramped. You will find that you either have to become an anal retentive neat freak, or you will be tripping over crap everywhere. You will also have the storms, the concerns for lightning, the crappy marinas, and I should also mention that a very large percentage (I estimate close to 95%) of those that will be around you either have no kids or are very retired. We were by far the youngest people on our docks. THat creates difficulties for kids as there is no one their age. There is also a LOT of drinking at the docks. Some do it responsibly while others... well, let's just say you need some noisy fans and hatch covers.

I think the most frustrating thing is all the crap that breaks or runs out. Examples are ice (an absolute luxury on a boat that everyone takes for granted until they live aboard), or pumping out the head every week (with pumpouts that do not work half the time), or running out of propane in the middle of a meal, or having the air conditioner blowing full blast in the middle of summer and still being hot down below because the decks are 40000 degrees. The list goes on.

I am not telling you all of this to dissuade you from cruising and Living Aboard. I am telling you this because I have done it and it is different from than what is portrayed in the magazines. At least it was for us. You will either find a way to deal with it, or burn out quickly. That is also why I think all parties (wife AND kids) need to be "on board" for living aboard or it will be a miserable experience.

On the flip side, we are going to do it again and are gearing up just for that. We loved it so much (and are so passionate about it) that we bought another boat and talked my parents into doing the same.

Dinner aboard mom and Dad's Tayana 42



You will also learn to be closer as a family. You will learn to appreciate and enjoy the very simple things of life and the simplicity of living on the water. You will come to truly love sun sets and birds flying by. You will come to know (for better or worse) all you neighbors and call them friends like we as a country used to do 50 years ago. You will come to respect the life on land and all of its conveniences that everyone takes for granted. You will then come to realize how commercialized everything has become. And in the end, if you can take it long enough, you will come to learn yourself and respect the world around you. But it isn't easy. I dare say it is much more difficult then living on land.

But it was/is worth it - to us at least...


Mom and Chase before a casual dinner



Me watching the sun go down 120-130nm west of FL



Chase Steering our 400



Chase and Glen having fun



Me and the boys playing a game



Maybe it is sunsets and Margaritas after all??

__________________
Sailnet Adminstrator & Moderator
Catalina 400 Technical Editor

2004 Catalina 400, Sea Mist IV (our boat, F/T Mobile Live Aboards in S FL and Keys primarily)
1987 Tayana Vancouver 42, Credendo Vides, (Mom and Pops boat, F/T Mobile Live Aboards in Puget Sound)

My Website:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Follow My Blog at:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Follow me on Facebook:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #7  
Old 05-07-2009
Cruisingdad's Avatar
Best Looking MALE Mod
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mobile Liveaboards
Posts: 9,894
Thanks: 3
Thanked 97 Times in 52 Posts
Rep Power: 10
Cruisingdad is a jewel in the rough Cruisingdad is a jewel in the rough Cruisingdad is a jewel in the rough
Ideas to get her on board to sailing/LA would be:

1) Take a date night and see if you can go with some other people for a sail.

2) Find friends that have baots and are of similar mindsets (want to LA also).

3) Charter a boat for a week in the islands WITHOUT the kids.

4) Go to boat shows and just walk around.

5) Order the magazines and see if she will read some. THere are also some good books.

6) Once she is catching on to the idea, charter a boat in the islands WITH the kids.

7) When you do get her onboard, take care of her and make her feel comfortable. You are already sold on the idea. It is now up to you to make her feel comfortable with it.

- CD
__________________
Sailnet Adminstrator & Moderator
Catalina 400 Technical Editor

2004 Catalina 400, Sea Mist IV (our boat, F/T Mobile Live Aboards in S FL and Keys primarily)
1987 Tayana Vancouver 42, Credendo Vides, (Mom and Pops boat, F/T Mobile Live Aboards in Puget Sound)

My Website:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Follow My Blog at:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Follow me on Facebook:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #8  
Old 05-07-2009
smackdaddy's Avatar
Last Man Standing
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 12,921
Thanks: 79
Thanked 72 Times in 66 Posts
Rep Power: 8
smackdaddy is a jewel in the rough smackdaddy is a jewel in the rough smackdaddy is a jewel in the rough
CD - I do admire your perspective on things.

I was going to tell the guy: "Dude you're scrude."

I think you did a much better job.
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #9  
Old 05-07-2009
WouldaShoulda's Avatar
AEOLUS II
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: From The Land of Pleasant Living
Posts: 2,695
Thanks: 3
Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts
Rep Power: 6
WouldaShoulda is on a distinguished road
Did you kids discuss this BEFORE the wedding??
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
  #10  
Old 05-07-2009
Fstbttms's Avatar
I don't discuss my member
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Under a boat, in a marina, in the San Francisco Bay
Posts: 2,034
Thanks: 2
Thanked 18 Times in 18 Posts
Rep Power: 12
Fstbttms is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Originally Posted by privatearms View Post
I know a 40' sailboat is plenty of space for a family...
Bwahahahahaha!

You looking to get divorced, or what?
Reply With Quote Share with Facebook
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may post attachments
You may edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Live aboard legal address Tropiccafe Living Aboard 50 04-03-2014 06:12 PM
Live Aboard Marinas in Florida Snookcatcher Living Aboard 71 08-13-2012 10:40 AM
Live Aboard in NE in Winter: Heating and Vetilation SkipperBob Living Aboard 13 02-13-2009 10:38 AM
live aboard marines in miami area johnny333 Living Aboard 8 01-27-2008 05:22 PM
Late 70''s Swan pros & con for a live aboard and Atlantic cro pierot69 Boat Review and Purchase Forum 0 02-01-2001 05:23 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:32 PM.

Add to My Yahoo!         
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.1
(c) Marine.com LLC 2000-2012