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  Topic Review (Newest First)
6 Days Ago 01:55 PM
gamayun
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralPallor View Post
I recently bought a Santana 22. You could say that I bought my own boat because I am a woman. I'm not a pushover, but I'm not exactly assertive. Sometimes when I charter boats with (mostly men) folks from my sailing club I end up with little to no helm time, and I have even had (well meaning) men pull jib sheets right out of my hands. I have had the experience of having my input ignored or dismissed, only to witness the same exact advice followed when it came five minutes later from a man with even less sailing experience than I have.

I know that if I were more assertive, these would not be issues. I know badass women in my club who don't have these issues. I occasionally sail with all women, and I have never felt patronized or pushed aside on those occasions. But, as most of the members of my club (and most sailors) are men, I felt that I really wasn't able to grow more confident as a sailor the way things were going. So I bought a boat that would be easy for me to single hand. The first time I docked it by myself I felt a huge rush of confidence.

I will still sail with the guys in my club because most of them are awesome people, and I have a great time whenever I'm on the water. But I really love how empowered I feel at the helm of my own little boat!
Welcome to SN, CP! There's nothing better to boost the confidence than helming your own boat! Are you racing the Santana, too? You're in a competitive group and should have a lot of fun with it. Also, check out Island Yacht Club's upcoming Women's Sailing Seminar the end of September. It's all about women sailors teaching other women. They're recruiting instructors (on the water, too) and your skills could really pay it forward

Carliane
s/v Kynntana
6 Days Ago 12:10 PM
TakeFive
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donna_F View Post
In our marina we have an older couple who are the opposite. When they round the fuel dock she stands on the bow and starts screaming for someone to help them into their slip. Then she continues to scream at her poor husband until well after the lines are secured. He pretty much ignores her and just does what he does. The first time I heard her screeching I thought maybe he was hard of hearing but I walked past him and said "Good afternoon" in a normal voice. He looked up, smiled and responded. Went back to ignoring her.

Fortunately they aren't there all that often.
We know a similar couple where we vacation on Lake Wallenpaupack. His solution was very simple - he bought a VERY LOUD go-fast boat.
6 Days Ago 12:07 PM
zeehag
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

ohmy yeah i cannot count the number of screechers in an anchorage....prolly was one meself when i had a particularly hard to reach alleged crewman... more like mutineer as he could not follow instructions unless screeched to bludi hell.. gads. yup got rid of him and returned to silent mode. and the inflammation in my neck was able to be relieved.
that sucked bad.
never have anyone on boat who cannot or will not follow instructions as given and when given.
and then there was the one continuously placing my boat in jeopardy as i tried to turn around in tight quarters to place boat into the assigned slip--- jim of liebling saved that day and my sprit, as my alleged crew could not manage to acknowledge the request made. ok. err not so ok, but no damage ...

there is a lot to say in favor of independent maneuvering, whicjh i generally manage-- unless someone insists on helping-- vet your help well. it aint always help.
6 Days Ago 11:19 AM
Donna_F
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by deniseO30 View Post
...
Think of the retired couple out there docking or anchoring; There he is at the wheel, barking, yelling screaming .. and there she is; struggling to hear much less being physically able do the lines or heavy lifting. ...
In our marina we have an older couple who are the opposite. When they round the fuel dock she stands on the bow and starts screaming for someone to help them into their slip. Then she continues to scream at her poor husband until well after the lines are secured. He pretty much ignores her and just does what he does. The first time I heard her screeching I thought maybe he was hard of hearing but I walked past him and said "Good afternoon" in a normal voice. He looked up, smiled and responded. Went back to ignoring her.

Fortunately they aren't there all that often.
6 Days Ago 11:12 AM
zeehag
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

ha ha ha there was a fella i met in mazatlan with his brand new to him boat and his mousey wife, and then their halyard were the only man made sound in the anchorage. he could not even pronounce his own boat name.
ok
so he and spousal unit went up into soc for years.
encountered him again in barra de navidad-- i was long lining my boat from one slip , wherein i was doing some work, back into my own slip and turning boat around for work on other side. this fella decided i needed help and promptly stood on all my handling lines, got in my way and became a full on nuisance with danger inherent. he obviously had never long lined a boat before, and kept saying he will help. kept bumping into me as he wandered on my dock finger in my way under foot. i only had 28000 pounds displacement in motion via those lines--
ha h aha ha ha ha ha . help me fall into water for first time since 1955--i have NEVER done that, as i am careful and know what i am doing.
i had to rudely dismiss his lying self -- he kept peacocking and saying how he had sailed since he was 3--ha haha i remembered his words from mazatlan some 4 yrs prior-- that boat was his first, and he just finished his asa classses.. haha ha ha ha...... and he still cannot pronounce the name of his own boat.
i had to tell him in no uncertain terms that i do not need his assistance, as he was obviously out of his league. i think he didnt much like that. but i dont care--he is dangerous in his ignorance.
.
6 Days Ago 11:12 AM
Donna_F
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralPallor View Post
I recently bought a Santana 22. You could say that I bought my own boat because I am a woman. I'm not a pushover, but I'm not exactly assertive. Sometimes when I charter boats with (mostly men) folks from my sailing club I end up with little to no helm time, and I have even had (well meaning) men pull jib sheets right out of my hands. I have had the experience of having my input ignored or dismissed, only to witness the same exact advice followed when it came five minutes later from a man with even less sailing experience than I have.
I'm sorry that's happening to you. None of that exemplifies good seamanship or sportsmanship on their part.This isn't a solution for everyone, but if it was me, I'd find another sailing club or find sailing buddies outside of a club.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralPallor View Post
I know that if I were more assertive, these would not be issues.
STOP blaming yourself. YOU are not the one with a problem. I'm not overly assertive. I show that I'm capable by how I handle our boat, I give presentations to the club on topics I'm comfortable with, and just when we're sitting around talking boats they can get a feel for how much I do or do not know. On the other hand, I have to admit that I never really gave much thought to what they thought of me, it just naturally evolved over time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralPallor View Post
So I bought a boat that would be easy for me to single hand. The first time I docked it by myself I felt a huge rush of confidence.
Good for you! Best of luck with your sailing.
6 Days Ago 11:00 AM
deniseO30
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

We could start a whole "self defeating" discussion but it really comes down to knowledge. Men test.. they test everyone and everything. When you pass the "test" you will be in charge! It can take a minute or a lifetime. after the test, is the Peeing contest.. we can win at that while sitting!

Think of the retired couple out there docking or anchoring; There he is at the wheel, barking, yelling screaming .. and there she is; struggling to hear much less being physically able do the lines or heavy lifting.

We all know what works best in such a situation, but some guys just take "privilege" too far and they look like asses. Thankfully, that kind of Alpha male is no longer the "model" many men strive for.

Hey? you did a great job docking that boat! Where's the captain? "Uh.. it's me, and it's my boat, the last guy on my boat "was" a strong swimmer!

1 Week Ago 05:56 AM
Gitana
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

CentralPallor, I like your post. Next time some dumb guy tries to push you aside, smile, stand tall and take a half step forward as you say " thanks, Ive got this".
Its the half step foward that gets them! Most guys are a little startled that you will rise to their challenge.
It sounds like to me these guys might be "good" in a traditional sense but they need some retraining.

As for your boat.....sweet!
1 Week Ago 02:25 AM
CentralPallor
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

I recently bought a Santana 22. You could say that I bought my own boat because I am a woman. I'm not a pushover, but I'm not exactly assertive. Sometimes when I charter boats with (mostly men) folks from my sailing club I end up with little to no helm time, and I have even had (well meaning) men pull jib sheets right out of my hands. I have had the experience of having my input ignored or dismissed, only to witness the same exact advice followed when it came five minutes later from a man with even less sailing experience than I have.

I know that if I were more assertive, these would not be issues. I know badass women in my club who don't have these issues. I occasionally sail with all women, and I have never felt patronized or pushed aside on those occasions. But, as most of the members of my club (and most sailors) are men, I felt that I really wasn't able to grow more confident as a sailor the way things were going. So I bought a boat that would be easy for me to single hand. The first time I docked it by myself I felt a huge rush of confidence.

I will still sail with the guys in my club because most of them are awesome people, and I have a great time whenever I'm on the water. But I really love how empowered I feel at the helm of my own little boat!
06-28-2016 04:28 PM
SloopJonB
Re: How many women here own their own boat?

You haven't really described your living situation very well - are you living alone, for free on the boat? Are you living on board with the owner (a couple), are you paying rent?

Those things change the dynamic a whole lot. If you are living alone and for free then I can see expecting you to do some work in return. If you are paying rent then not so much, unless it's only a token rent. If you are a couple then labour division is up to the two of you.
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