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Go Back   SailNet Community > Out There > Cruising and Sailing with Children > HELP! Move to Live Aboard Sparks Custody Battle
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Thread: HELP! Move to Live Aboard Sparks Custody Battle Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
12-02-2012 08:04 PM
Capt. Gary Randall
Re: HELP! Move to Live Aboard Sparks Custody Battle

http://www.sailnet.com/forums/politi...cf.html#913534 Dear Sir, I have done a lot of legal research including case law on this subject. Hopefully you'll find something useful also acknowledging that there are lots of opinions in this thread. CaptG
12-02-2012 06:28 PM
Jsmith
Re: HELP! Move to Live Aboard Sparks Custody Battle

Hello,
I found this post looking for year round liveaboard options. What can you share about them. Salem would be a nice option. What was the resolution of your issue?
Thank you
09-05-2011 04:20 AM
Christian Winkler
Best wishes

Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamLein View Post
Shame about the pneumonia thing. The association between drafts and pneumonia is an old wives' tale and has no scientific support. The National Institute of Health does not list cold air, moist air, drafty rooms, or proximity to the sea as risk factors of pneumonia (Pneumonia - PubMed Health).
That´s correct. Furthermore, iodine contained in the wind coming from sea will even help pneumonia problems.

But maybe it doesn´t make too much sense to bring forward arguments one after the other on a trial level. Say, bonmot, do you have a friend, who still is good friend with your Ex? Wouldn´t it be possible to arrange a dinner with him (or her) together with your Ex right there or the boat? (Without your son?)

Both you and your Ex want the best for your son. Maybe on this occasion you could - supported by this friend - install a new kind of relation between both parents, which would be based on acknowledgement of your shared responsibilty, which both of you still have in common. Having this dinner could maybe show your Ex that living aboard is nothing dangerous. The presence of a neutral acting common friend could maybe help to negotiate further arrangements without falling back into aggression.

Best wishes -
09-01-2011 04:08 PM
AdamLein Shame about the pneumonia thing. The association between drafts and pneumonia is an old wives' tale and has no scientific support. The National Institute of Health does not list cold air, moist air, drafty rooms, or proximity to the sea as risk factors of pneumonia (Pneumonia - PubMed Health).

My parents divorced when I was 6 or so. My brother and I lived at my Mom's and had dinner with Dad every Wednesday and Friday, and on alternate weekends we stayed at Dad's until Sunday night. I feel like that schedule worked out well, but my relationships with the two parents definitely did not develop the same way. As I got older, visiting my father started to feel like a chore. Probably would have been different if he lived on a boat, though.
09-01-2011 02:49 PM
WouldaShoulda Being cooped up in a 34ft boat in Salem, Mass. in Winter may not be ideal.

Why not relenquish custody in the Winter for his benefit??
09-01-2011 02:27 PM
hellosailor Bonmot, is there a school bus involved?

If so, it becomes a red tape nightmare to have your son in two different places during the week, the school authorities can't deal with changes in bus pickups and dropoffs.

(All part of why I'd ban school busses entirely, they've convinced me that those are way too dangerous to have anywhere near kids. Left behind, run over, hit by crossing traffic, seat belts, fights in aisles...they've made the point, the busses need to be banned outright.)
09-01-2011 02:18 PM
bonmot
Update

I just received a communication from the court addressing our new "temporary" schedule. For the past year and a half or so, it's been 1 week with Dad and 1 week with Mom with a night swith on Thursdays just to break it up a little. This was great. My son pretty much designed this arrangement and it worked out well for a kid who really strives to maintain equity.

After my ex filed an emergency order for full custody (she claimed living on the boat had caused his very mild case of pneumonia even though he had only been on the boat a few times by then and despite his pediatrician flat out denying that living on the boat could have caused this illness), the judge had temporarily altered our arrangement to Dad on Tues, Wed and Thurs. During the summer months this wasn't too, too awful. But with school starting (yesterday) it would have been pretty bad.

As a temporary until a late October pre-trial (yes, trial, if you can believe it. We didn't even have a trial for the divorce), it's to be Dad Friday after school until Sunday evening. It didn't sound too good at first until I realized school days don't provide a lot of opportunity for hanging out anyway. Having every weekend is a real boon. So for now, it's ok. I'd still prefer the old schedule because I think that's what my son was looking for. We'll have to wait and see how this sorry mess unfolds over then next few weeks.

Thanks again to everyone who has responded. It has helped me feel encouraged and I hope this thread will continue to grow so as to be available for anyone else who has the misfortune of facing this kind of issue.
09-01-2011 02:01 PM
bonmot
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamLein View Post
All I can think is, poor kid. Divorced parents is tough enough, and now he needs a lawyer and a psychologist? At least he gets to spend half his time on a boat!

I'm with hellosailor. Boats provide more opportunities for practical education than just about anything else you can do.

As for experience, don't have much of my own. However, this is one of my favorite blogs: two parents with two kids, one just a few months old, somewhere in the Chesapeake: Zach Aboard. They seem to live pretty comfortably, and the author tells boat-related and non-boat-related stories. Every couple of weeks I send my wife the link in the hopes that she will see the light
Thanks for the link and words of support. I look forward to checking out that blog. It appears to be an extremely useful resource in making my case.

Best of luck in accomplishing your goal to move aboard. I guess it depends just "resistant" your wife is to the idea. If she could try it with an open mind she might come around. If not, at least she gave it a try. There are sacrifices to living on a boat to be sure, but there also rewards aplenty. Each person has to decide if the pluses outweigh the minuses. Even with all this incredible stress and nonsense, it still makes the most sense for me. Just wish I'd started 30 years ago!
09-01-2011 01:47 PM
bonmot
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikerust View Post
There are lots of forums about living aboard, and I've seen some that specifically talk about living aboard with a family. There are tons of examples of families that even have gone on long, extended cruises (like months at a time, covering thousands of miles) with kids. A guy working on the boat next to mine in the boatyard about a month ago told me he and his wife took their two kids on a 28-foot sailboat from Canada all the way down to the southern tip of the Bahamas - they lived on the boat for six months.

Google "living aboard" and you'll find the forums and some blogs as well.
Of course the key words here are "he and his wife". If a couple is in accord about any kind of lifestyle they want, they're free to pursue it. If one is seeking an advantage in the name of gaining more control over the child, almost any change in living situation can open the door to a battle over parental descretion. And let me tell you, there's not much worse in the world of parenting then having a court system micro-investigating and micro-managing one's paretning choices. It's both frustrating and humiliating. It's also stressful on the child to know that there is a battle raging over him and that more than anything else is why I detest my ex's decision to instigate this process.
09-01-2011 01:43 PM
AdamLein All I can think is, poor kid. Divorced parents is tough enough, and now he needs a lawyer and a psychologist? At least he gets to spend half his time on a boat!

I'm with hellosailor. Boats provide more opportunities for practical education than just about anything else you can do.

As for experience, don't have much of my own. However, this is one of my favorite blogs: two parents with two kids, one just a few months old, somewhere in the Chesapeake: Zach Aboard. They seem to live pretty comfortably, and the author tells boat-related and non-boat-related stories. Every couple of weeks I send my wife the link in the hopes that she will see the light
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