Admiral Camaraderie, Captain CruisingDad, officers and sailors of Sailnet, my fellow FightClubbers: Major combat operations in FightClub have ended. In the Battle of Sailnet, the FC sailors and our allies have prevailed. And now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing APOS - aka "I'm an ass full of crap".
In this battle, we have fought for the cause of liberty, excitement, and for hard sailing around the world. Our nation and our coalition are proud of this accomplishment — yet it is you, the posters of FightClub, who achieved it. Your courage — your willingness to face girl slaps for your love of sailing and for each other — made this day possible. Because of you, sailing is far less boring. Because of you, the POS tyrants have fallen, and Sailnet is free.
Operation POS Smackdown was carried out with a combination of precision, and speed, and boldness the enemy did not expect, and the world had not seen before. From distant keyboards or boats at sea, we sent witty rejoinders and massive sailing tales that could destroy an enemy division, or strike a single closeted manlover like Sailhog. Sailnetters charged to FightClub across 350 pages of hostile threads, in one of the swiftest advances of tough-sailing dudes in history. You have shown the world the skill and the might of FightClub sailors.
Our war against pansy-sailing is proceeding according to principles that Surf has made clear to all:
Any person involved in committing or planning meek, wimpy sailing becomes an enemy of FightClub, and a target of verbal justice.
Any person, AFOCer, or moderator that supports, protects, or harbors POSers is complicit in pansy-sailing, and equally guilty of POS crimes.
Any Sailnet regime that has ties to POS groups, and seeks or possesses lame intellect or weapons of ass destruction, is a grave danger to FC sailing, and will be confronted - or ignored, which ever makes them madder.
And anyone in the world, including the Sailnet world, who works and sacrifices for hard sailing has a loyal friend in FightClub.
We are mindful as well that some good men and women are not making the journey home. One of those who fell, Surfesq, spoke to PBooty five days before his incarceration. PBooty said, "That dude called me from the center of FightClub, not to brag, but to tell me he loved sailing hard. Or it might have been 'sanding hard' I couldn't quite tell, there were a lot of people yelling in the background." Every name, every 5-7 year sentence, is a loss to FightClub, to Sailnet, and to the posters who grieve. There is no homecoming for these posters. Yet we pray, in God's time, their reunion will come.
Those we lost were last seen on duty. Their final act in this forum was to fight a great evil, and bring liberty to other sailors. All of you — all in this generation of FightClub, even the newbies— have taken up the highest calling of history. You are defending the very essence and meaning of sailing, and protecting future sailors from apathy, fear, grumpiness, and incontinence. And wherever you go, you carry a message of hope — a message that is ancient, and ever new. In the words of the prophet Isaiah: "To the hard sailing dudes and chicks, 'Come out!' and to those POSers, 'Be free!"'
Thank you for serving our belief and our cause. May God bless you all, and may God continue to bless FightClub.
[Cue roaring crowd]
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