Jokes of the day...keep it clean!

[vabuckeye]

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we
all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading
the following conversation until you are able to understand the
term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in Now, here
goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a
hotel guest and a call to room-service somewhere in the good old
U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor
sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled,
please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I.. don't think so."

Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo
wan sahn toes' means."

Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow
Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!!; I've got it! You were saying
'toast'..Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

Room Service: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

Room Service: "Wad? !?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

Room Service: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish
moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy... rye??"

Guest: "What ever you say."

Room Service: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL
UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "....and you do don't you!

[uspirate]

[camaraderie]

MEXICO DROPS OUT OF OLYMPICS

President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced Mexico will not
participate in the next Summer Olympics.

He stated, "Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha salido
ya del pais."

Translation: "Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already
left the country.

[Robby Barlow]

Although this may be funny in some way, I would not go as far as calling it a joke.

An incident occurred in a supermarket recently, when the following was witnessed:

A Muslim woman dressed in a Burkha (A black gown & face mask) was standing with her shopping in a queue at the checkout.

When it was her turn to be served, and as she reached the cashier, she made a loud remark about the American Flag lapel pin, which the female cashier was wearing on her blouse.

The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said, "Yes, I always wear it proudly. My son serves abroad with the forces and I wear it for him".

The Muslim woman then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing and killing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.

At that point, a Gentleman standing in the queue stepped forward, and interrupted with a calm and gentle voice, and said to the Iraqi woman:

"Excuse me, but hundreds of thousands of men and women, just like this ladies son have fought and sacrificed their lives so that people just like YOU can stand here, in America, which is MY country and allow you to blatantly accuse an innocent check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen".

"It is my belief that if you were allowed to be as outspoken as that in Iraq, which you claim to be YOUR country, then we wouldn't need to be fighting there today".

"However - now that you have learned how to speak out and criticise the American people who have afforded you the protection of MY country, I will gladly pay the cost of a ticket to help you pay your way back to Iraq".

"When you get there, and if you manage to survive for being as outspoken as you are here in America, then you should be able to help straighten out the mess which YOUR Iraqi countrymen have got you into in the first place, which appears to be the reason that you have come to MY country to avoid."

Apparently the queue cheered and applauded.

[uspirate]

Originally Posted by Robby Barlow

Although this may be funny in some way, I would not go as far as calling it a joke.

An incident occurred in a supermarket recently, when the following was witnessed:

A Muslim woman dressed in a Burkha (A black gown & face mask) was standing with her shopping in a queue at the checkout.

When it was her turn to be served, and as she reached the cashier, she made a loud remark about the American Flag lapel pin, which the female cashier was wearing on her blouse.

The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said, "Yes, I always wear it proudly. My son serves abroad with the forces and I wear it for him".

The Muslim woman then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing and killing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.

At that point, a Gentleman standing in the queue stepped forward, and interrupted with a calm and gentle voice, and said to the Iraqi woman:

"Excuse me, but hundreds of thousands of men and women, just like this ladies son have fought and sacrificed their lives so that people just like YOU can stand here, in America, which is MY country and allow you to blatantly accuse an innocent check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen".

"It is my belief that if you were allowed to be as outspoken as that in Iraq, which you claim to be YOUR country, then we wouldn't need to be fighting there today".

"However - now that you have learned how to speak out and criticise the American people who have afforded you the protection of MY country, I will gladly pay the cost of a ticket to help you pay your way back to Iraq".

"When you get there, and if you manage to survive for being as outspoken as you are here in America, then you should be able to help straighten out the mess which YOUR Iraqi countrymen have got you into in the first place, which appears to be the reason that you have come to MY country to avoid."

Apparently the queue cheered and applauded.

HooYaa! Bobby that hit the spot! I told almost the same thing to some Arabic lady a few years back. I was waiting for my buddy in front of his apartment(he was on his way home from work) she was the complex manager and told me i didnt belong here. being an American Veterean you can only imagine my reply!

[sailaway21]

At a U2 concert in Ireland, lead singer Bono calls for silence from the crowd. He then begins to slowly clap his hands together while maintaining the crowd's silence. He speaks into the microphone:

"Everytime I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from the crowd yells out, "Then stop clapping your hands, a**h***!"

[camaraderie]

Giu will like this:
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist.

The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'

Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.'

The interview ended at that point.

[Giulietta]

Loved It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[camaraderie]

MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE
DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP
CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I
GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL.

NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, A NICE BIG BED AND A
PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES!

[Robby Barlow]