Jokes of the day...keep it clean!

[camaraderie]

My rail gets buried when your mast is in the water!

[werebeagle]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly;
he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied "Get your own damn blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

[Giulietta]

Originally Posted by camaraderie

My rail gets buried when your mast is in the water!

Yes..but you're supposed to use the mildew stained white cloth things you have down bellow....you know...the sails

[camaraderie]

Oh ....those things...I sold them to some old Portuguese woman who said she was gonna cut them down for some "race boat" over there. Giu something I think.
I keep my good ones on FURLERS!!

[tdw]

In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced
with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact
statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was
stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing
at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the
first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.

Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded to
know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What
about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a
huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light,
assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would
obtain a building permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light
out half the time. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and
the darkness "Night." Officials replied that they were not interested in
semantics.

God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."
The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let
waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may
fly over the earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval
from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife
Federation and the Audubongelic Society.

Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed him it would take at least 200 days to review the application
and the environmental impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing.
Then there would be 10-12 months before...

At this point God created Hell.

[bubb2]

How many sailor's does it take to change an light bulb on a boat? (4) One to hold the light bulb and 3 to drink until the boat spins.

[poopdeckpappy]

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.



The boy asked, "What is this Father?"



The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."



While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.



The father said quietly to his son....."Go get your mother."

[sailaway21]

An Amish man and his daughter were riding home from town in their buggy. The Amishman had a large bankroll in his pocket from the sale of his wares in town. He observed that a pick up truck with men in it seemed to be following them. Nervously, he handed the money to his daughter and told her to hide it. Sure enough, the men ran them off the road and confronted them. The men searched them and found no money. The men departed, with one of them stealing the horse and buggy.
The Amishman and his daughter, now walking, were conversing when the Amishman remarked, "Where did you hide the money?" His daughter blushed deeply and shyly replied that she had hidden it in her private parts. The Amishman replied that, that was good. They continued to walk for some time and suddenly the Amishman exploded, "Damn". The girl, shocked at this outburst from her papa, cried out, "Papa, whatever is the matter?" Her father calmly replied, "Oh nothing dear. I was just thinking that if we'd had your mother here, we could have saved the horse and buggy."

[sailingdog]

Say Cheese!

It was almost time for school to dismiss and a mother noticed it looked like rain. So she drove toward school to pick up her eight-year-old daughter.

She turned down the street to see her daughter running towards her down the sidewalk. A lightning bolt flashed and the little girl looked up towards the sky, smiled and then began running towards her mother's van.Another lightning bolt flashed and again the little girl looked towards the sky, smiled and resumed running. This happened several more times until the little girl finally arrived at where her mother was parked.

Her mom immediately inquired as to the strange behavior. "Why did you keep stopping and smiling at the sky," she asked her daughter.

"I had to, Mommy. God was taking my picture."

[wench]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."