Jokes of the day...keep it clean!

[chucklesR]

Rev,
Youse havta ax urself, if (lak you) d'onliest place youse are using ur pecker is near da plum'ing, wha'she gots da condom's fer anyhow?

Now does ya gets it? I cud draw pichures if'n you need.


Figured I'd better put that in Ozark for you to make sure you 'unnerstood'

[werebeagle]

Drinking & Speech


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I'm not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[badsneakers]

One day, the sea being very rough, all those aboard the ship were ordered by the captain to throw overboard their heavy belongings.

There was among the company a man who then took hold of his wife to cast her overboard, for he said that she was the heaviest and most burdensome thing he possessed.

Poggio (1380-1459)

[chucklesR]

The humor in the last joke?
The captain, having apparently no understanding of ballast iin rough seas, lightened ship.

Gian Francesco Poggio Bracciolini was obviously no sailor (he was a humanist).

[xort]

Originally Posted by RainBabe

OMG 69 pages I hope this joke is not on here....

A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.

She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him
if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.

He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into
his eyes, says, "Tonight's your lucky night."

So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:

"Mom! You still awake?"

Autobiographical???

[xort]

Originally Posted by RainBabe

Wow that happened to you???

Nice try...It was a question, was your post a story about yourself? going to school at 62, good on ya! But pimping out your dear ol mom? Shameful...and kinky too.

[artbyjody]

Originally Posted by RainBabe

Ah ha you have found me out , now I must kill you, get ready to meet your virgins..

There are no such things as virgins:

[werebeagle]

How can you tell if a house was built by lesbians.

There are no studs. It's all tongue in groove.

[Slipkiller2]

Do you know why the pirate’s parrot never falls off his shoulder?

He uses Polly Grip.

[camaraderie]

THE CHICKEN BUSINESS

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had
several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten
roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went
into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his
time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his
roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch
and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen
he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's
bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The
pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

But to Farmer Jo hn's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his
beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and
walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered
him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation
among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell
Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible!