Difficult In Laws

[sailorsez]

This thread is definately for the off topic forum but does anyone else out there suffer from difficult in laws ??

I've been married to my hubby for 10 years and my father in law still loves making trouble !! I've just copped an abusive phone call tonight !!

If anyone else has suffered, tell your story so I'll at least know I'm not alone and it will help cheer me up !!

[PBzeer]

There are probably as many reasons for in-laws to not get along with a spouse, as there are for them to get along.

Though I got on great with my former father-in-law, the mother was always against me. In my case, I think it stemmed mostly from me being from a more patriarchal family, while my ex's was more matriarchal. Outside of changing who I was, I found no way to change her dislike of me, so I gave up and quit worrying, since there was nothing I could do about it.

Currently at 38 20 10 N 76 27 42 W , Solomons, MD

[camaraderie]

sailorsez..pb has it right. It is a rare marriage where all 4 inlaws get along with both partners....then there are sisters and brothers to complicate things too! Anyway...don't get stressed by something not of your own making and I hope hubby stands up for HIS #1. No reason you should have to stand for verbal abuse and THEY have more to lose than you!!

[sailortjk1]

We live in the midwest, my wifes family are all from Jacksonville.
Most of my family is in Columbus Ohio.
We get together a couple of times each year.
Found out that we can take each other for about 1-2 days.
After that, its all downhill.
Good thing is my wife agrees 100 percent. She can't take her mother for more than that as well. LOL. Me too, when we see my family, I start to go crazy around the second day.

Funny story, last Mothers day I invited both Mom's to our house for a week. I wanted to take them sailing and had everything planned out.
We get to the boat and the best Spring Breeze of the season is blowing pretty good. Choppy seas are kicking up.

I get us under sail and instruct my mother where and how to sit. I usually tell her to sit on the low side so she doesn't have to brace herself and worry about falling. My Mother in law would have nothing to do with it. She insisted on sitting where she wanted, of course on the high side, and right next to the companionway where there is nothing to brace yourself against. Plus, her legs are too short for that anyway. She sat there flopping about trying to hold on to what ever she could.

My Mother is 72 years old, she was enjoying herself.
My Mother-in -Law is in her Sixties, she thought for sure that she was going to die. She drove me crazy. The best wind of the early season and I had to head back.

It was a short sail.

[sailingdog]

I guess I've been lucky in some ways then. I hope your spouse at least takes your side, which is what they're supposed to do.

I get along very well with my in-laws, all of them, including my sister-in-law, and the parents. My father-in-law often introduces me as his son. My late wife was one of my parent's favorite people, and they spoiled her as much as they could.

Of course, my situation was a bit different from most, since my wife was seriously ill for much of the time we were together. Yesterday, was the eighth year anniversary of when we got engaged. I'm still fairly close to my in-laws, even though my wife has been gone for over six years now. The strangest part is that one of the people pushing me to get re-married most is my mother-in-law.

I think you and your husband need to sit your father-in-law down and explain that his behavior just isn't acceptable. You never know, he might even listen.

[DJEVANS]

My first husband's mother was a NIGHTMARE--would come over and let herself into our house whenever she wanted, would go through our mail (then would tell me she had a right to make sure I was paying the bills on time and not screwing up her son's credit), and would literally yell at me if her precious boy had to help fold the laundry, this while I was working full time and going to school full time...he did not stand up for the "right" woman (his wife) which is a big part of the reason he was relegated to ex status fairly quickly....
My current inlaws though are pretty neat.
Good luck with your situation.

[deniseO30]

One word describes it all "drama" Which is why so many people are happy watching "real life" like shows on TV, sitting around and dissing those not present, etc. Apparently people aren't happy unless they are making someone else unhappy, putting down others, making others feel small. Some actually thrive on it!

Difficulty with inlaws is often self inflicted by one's deeper feelings of inadequacy, unfinished business, guilt, whatever. The overbearing often prey upon those with less "hold my ground" ability. This applies to just about anything in life dealing with people and relationships. I've found that any kind of confidence building experiance in just about any area of life can help someone over come such difficulties. In my own case I'm a older woman self employed in a male dominated business. Also I'm one of 4 women that are paid members in my Yacht Club. Beleive me... I've suffered allot because of Drama queens/kings LOL! I see drama everywhere I go in life. Couples in home depot... Grandma guilt tripping Mom even in the supermarket! Grandpa yelling a his daughter in law because grandma won't put up with it anymore. It goes on... and on.... If you leave yourself open to it... you will get get it! Because there is always someone willing to demean you, put down you down, make fun, guilt trip you, or even do it behind your back! Heres an example: my neibor, I say: "good morning" with a smile.. she answers.. "Oh.. my back, my foot my hubby this, my inlaws that," just goes on and on....Geeze louise! Never asks how I am, says good morning etc. and that is often the begining of my day!

[blt2ski]

I had WAY more problems with my ex than I did her parents. In fact recently, sat at there house with one of my 4 kids and current spouse for a couple of hrs. Along with running into them at a local restaurant a few times.

Never a bad word out of her parents or family. In fact, our sailboat is moored next to he cousins son whom lives aboard his bayliner. My kids like to go to the boat to see him along with going out sailing.

I think some people start out abusive, either verbal or physically in some way shape or form, and do not know how to control them selves otherwise. I will say, after 17 yr of all kinds of abuse from spouse, I am glad she is gone. Kids unfortunetly still "live" with her, but she spens most of her time with current BF at his house leaving kis there, Fortunetly for them, 3 are over 18, one under, and the older ones watch out for her! This one I ended up recently or I should say spouse made appointments to get her teeth looked at, as she had a cracked tooth for over 2 yrs, she did not tell me the tooth was cracked. Souse had apointment the next day, ex was furious appointment was made..........I figure after two yrs of not doing anything, her rights were gone!

Life is a bowl of lemons, best to make lemonade when you can, or ignore as best you can. i can go on, but that would be changing subject too much. Stay away from FIL as much as you can, install a Phone ID to see if they are calling etc if it is that bad. I typically do not even take phone calls from EE. Got tire of hearing her swear at me.

marty

[xort]

I took my m-in-law out for a nice boat ride on my express cruiser. showed her how nice it was to sit up on the transom with a great view. hit the throttle; bye bye m-i-l. and youse guys say stinkpots are no good!

[tdw]

Didn't get on at all well with my first MIL but of the second I always said "if you have to have a MIL then she is the one to have". Lovely woman, sadly now but a pile of ashes and some nice memories. In truth I have more trouble with my own mother than I ever did with Ms Wombat's.