Heres the situation. My son's mom and I have been separated since he was a year old, he is now seven. We have not had a very pleasant relationship, although it is slowly getting better. We have 50/50 custody, with me Fri/Sat/Sun, his mom the rest. We live in the same city, a few miles from each other. In kindergarten and now in first grade, he is constantly getting into trouble, aggressive play, pushing, hitting, not doing what he is told, refusing to do the work in class that the other kids are doing, and the consequences roll off his back. I am not asking for psychoanalysis here, but have any of you experienced the same? I realize that there are a lot of potential factors involved here. We are thinking of putting him in private school. I went to private school, and while it didn't stop me from getting in trouble, I believe it taught me about karma, being responsible for my actions, and the benefits of having a conscience. If any of you out there made the switch, or just have something to say, I would love to hear it. As all the parents always say on the news, "hes such a good boy, I don't know what happened".
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Great men always have too much sail up. - Christopher Buckley
I had a similar divorce situation (50/50) and did a lot of research on Private/Christian schools. Fortunately our daughter didn’t have the same issues you’re describing. What we found was that Private/Christian schools, especially the Christian, schools were far superior than public in almost every way. Many of the people in our church sent their kids to private 1 – 6 and then to public 7 – 12. The research our church did found that the advantage wasn’t as great (still much better) in grade 7 up due to an influx of “Problem kids”. Parents with those kids sent them to private school to straighten them out but in many cases it only introduced bad eggs to the mix. We had are daughter in a Christian school for the early years and now in a public high school. She’s running circles around her classmates academically. Spanish is her only weakness but then she’s only one of two non Spanish as a first language speaking kids in the class. Welcome to Texas.
Half and half has worked out pretty well for us. I'd vote yes for you for sure BF. go Private to start.
You're taking responsibility for your kid's behavior and considering what to do about it. I don't take it that you're depending on the school to do your parenting for you. When our kids were that age, 10 years ago or so, we had some friends who's kids behaved the same way you describe and they ignored it, laughed it off. Guess what, we stopped having them over. These weren't divorced, shared custody situations, these were first time married couples.
One other couple we know had a son who bahaved this way and they watched him every second. As soon as he was old enough they put him in Karate classes. Seemed like a crazy idea to me but it worked. I don't know why, maybe he got his ass kicked by other kids to the point that it straightened him out, maybe it was the discipline of the art, maybe it was something else.
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I wasn't disturbing the peace, I was disturbing the war.
-Ammon Hennacy (1893-1970).
Yes, we are taking responsibility for his actions. I am a big believer in that. Counseling this week. The school angle comes in because, as you know, he spends such a great deal of his life there, and it is and will be one of the most influential parts of his life. Lets face it, public school teachers have their classes overfull and their hands tied. I don't expect them to teach my kid how to behave, but I do expect them to perpetuate the good behaviors we have taught him. Unfortunately, my son has the propensity to be easily led astray. In kindergarten, he hooked up with the worst kid in class, I volunteered and saw it first hand. When he was taken away from that kid, he vastly improved, but not all the way. Not to toot my own horn, but he does get bored with the academic level the class is at. Its the same stuff he was doing in preschool. I agree with you on the advanced state of private education and the need for intense extra curriculars like karate. Quite the contrary retclt, your 2 cents is appreciated.
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Great men always have too much sail up. - Christopher Buckley
I put mine in karate as well, got him active into team sports and scouting. gotta get him away from the "rat race raised children". the karate teaches great (military style)discipline (as well as getting a small ass whoopin occasionally) and will also teach him how and when to use and release his aggression properly. good luck BF!
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I went to boarding school. Highly recommend it. The first couple of weeks of the first year were no fun, but after that - I couldn't wait to get back after vacation. Still have friends that I met when I was 8 years old.
You can’t beat Private schooling; I have my two girls at one, straightened out my youngest she sounded just like Max, hooked up with some wrong side of the tracks kids in her first year and went downhill. I think the public system has too many warm and fuzzy overseers, where the teachers are afraid to speak out and find it easier to let the problem kids fall through the gaps. Private, well your paying for it and they will give your child the best education they can, and will keep you up to date with progress. As I said my princess is now mixing with a better group of kids (that is not to sound snobbish) and I believe has given her a better start in her informative year. She has even made year and sport Captain. If you can afford it go private, Max will appreciate it one day.
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I see no down-side to private schooling. I would also heartily endorse membership in the Boy Scouts (probably not PC in the Bay area!). The latter will put your son in an organization with a long history of development of boys into quality men. It will also put him in contact with men who will provide an estimable role model of fatherhood, something he is only getting part time now. Your's is a common situation as is your concern and frustration. And you are wise to know that you need help. I suspect with good examples of adult males and a more disciplined environment he'll do just fine. Regarding the Scouts; find a troop that is active in the outdoors and is not just some social club. The Scout's lessons are lifetime lessons and they come packaged with the tonic of high adventure in the outdoors, an elixir few boys can resist.
I send my heartfelt desire for a successful outcome as well as my empathy.
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