'Twas the Night Before Christmas

[DJEVANS]

Honest, Officer, I've only had a little bit of scotch...

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Darcie Evans “et al”

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all over the Pole
The 72-hour work day was taking its toll.
The sound of elves’ laughter was thick in the air
But Jolly St. Nick started to squirm in his chair.
One elf started giggling, the others gave a stare
He giggled and farted, Peppermint filled the air.
(heeeheehe fbbbt he hee frt frt heeee hee)

On the toy factory floor there arose such a clatter
Santa sprang from his desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash
Raised up the blinds and threw up the sash.

When what to his horrified eyes should appear
Elves giggling so hard their eyes were in tears.
As they giggled and farted and broke into fits
He knew they were headed for the dread Giggleshits.
(hee hee frt fbbbbbbt ooops heeee heee bfffft heee hee!!!)


More rapid than rabbits the Gigglefarts spread
Santa whistled and shouted, “Please keep your heads!”
“Now Trixie, now Dixie, now Bobby, and Joe,
No Corey, no Callie, no Sally, stop Moe!”
From the newly built toys to the sleigh waiting below
Rang, “Stop giggling and farting, it’s not safe, you know!”
(heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefffbbbbttttttbbbbbbttt!!! Tinkle!)

The first tiny tinkle struck fear in his heart,
As Santa knew now it was more than a fart.
The jolly old elf grumbled, “Oh, bloody hell!”
As his overworked elves started crapping sleigh bells.
(Tinkle, t-t-tinkle-jingle, tinkle, tinkle, weeeeeheehee!!!)

With sleigh bells Santa was now over-supplied
He sold them on e-bay, of their source, well…he lied.
So if you bought a sleigh bell, shiny and new
St. Nick…just got one over on you.

The last sleigh bell sold, the timing just right,
He hollered Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

[Giulietta]

That was nice...the farting Santa

I like it.

[DJEVANS]

Not quite Camoens, though, is it?

[Giulietta]

Originally Posted by DJEVANS

Not quite Camoens, though, is it?

Big things in life, come in small packages.

Thank you I really enjoyed it...

By the way, have you learnt how to heave to??

[DJEVANS]

Originally Posted by Giulietta

Big things in life, come in small packages.

Thank you I really enjoyed it...

By the way, have you learnt how to heave to??

I will learn when I am sober, my friend. I am looking forward to it.

[CapnHand]

Tinkle, tinkle little bell
Now I realize why you smell

Bought on ebay with a bid
Strange, the seller's ID was hid

Package wrapped up with a bow
Postal code: HOH OHO

[DJEVANS]

Originally Posted by CapnHand

Tinkle, tinkle little bell
Now I realize why you smell

Bought on ebay with a bid
Strange, the seller's ID was hid

Package wrapped up with a bow
Postal code: HOH OHO

Heeeee heee heee hee.....

[camaraderie]

DJ...as a poet you make a great novelist! (g)

[sailingdog]

DJ-

You get stranger and stranger as the holiday approaches..

[GySgt]

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in a one-bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney with presents to give, and to see just who is this home did live.

I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand, on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds, a sober thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary; I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone, curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder, not how I pictured a United States soldier.

Was this the hero of whom I'd just read? Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realized the families that I saw this night, owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play, and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, "Santa don't cry, this life is my choice;

I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more, my life is my God, my Country, my Corps."

The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still and we both shivered from the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight.

Then the soldier of the sea rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, whispered, "Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day, all is secure."

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right. "Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night!"