Regret

[Joel73]

I just learned that my aunt passed away. We were close and emailed often... She had just organized an engagement shower for Jayme and i this past fall and she kept me a lot as a kid. She was in her mid 60's and was on a lot of meds and would have good days and bad. Sometimes she would send rude emails at like 5 in the morning over random stuff... kinda the loose canon in the family. Unfortunately, the last couple of emails we exchanged were about a disagreement we were in the middle of. I really regret getting frustrated with her now. She was having heart problems and flatlined on the way to the hospital. I can't help but feel guilt because i'm sure i added to her stress. I just have to keep on telling myself that it's not directly my fault... but i still feel guilt. Natural feeling, normal, etc etc etc... i know. Still really sucks that i left things that way. I don't normally regret my actions in life but i could have been a little more understanding.

[DJEVANS]

Joel, there is no right thing to say right now that will make this better for you--you have it right that what you're feeling is normal. I would offer only one bit of advice--try to treat yourself the way you would want, say Jayme (as I imagine she is your best friend ) to treat herself if she were feeling similarly. Be kind to yourself--none of us has a crystal ball and not a single one of us has a past entirely free of something worth "doing over" if we were given the opportunity. I am betting that between you and your aunt, vexation and all, there was plenty of love, and she would want you to hold on to that. Families drive each other uniquely crazy. Take it easy on yourself--you seem a kind and decent person.

[T34C]

Joel- Conversations and disagreements are an integral part of life, we all have them, and often with those we love. I don't know the specifics, but it sounds to me like your aunt went out living life. I think that is all any of us would really want to do.

[Giulietta]

My condolences in your loss.

[PBzeer]

If we live each day, as if it will be our last opportunity, we can sometimes overcome the times we don't always act as we would like. But, not always. It's part of the human condition. Accept and learn, and yeah, kick yerself in the butt a couple of times, but don't beat yourself up over it. None of us is perfect.

My condolences on her passing.

[Freesail99]

I am sorry for your loss.

[teshannon]

Joel,
Sorry for your loss. No point in dwelling on your disagreements, they go away with time.

[jayme78]

Im here for you love.
j

[danjarch]

I'm sorry for your loss, God bless and hang in there.

[jackytdunaway]

The fact that your were in touch frequently says alot. Most folks are not in regular contact with aunts when they are your age. Don't worry about the most recent contact. keep in mind the overall relationship. That is wht is important and what she took with her.