Real life sailing humour

[dwightgry]

I have a story that happened on our boat, and would invite others to post their own humourous stories.

We had just bought a sailboat, and were learning to sail, traveling from Naples to Marathon on our third day, doing our first overnight passage ever. All this was new to us, and as night fell I began to worry and went below to make up some sort of ditch bag, in case the wind came up. Pertinent to the story was that earlier in the afternoon, my fiance and I had a bit of a disagreement, with the resultant sore feelings carried with us. As I was down below making up the ditch bag, digging thru our stuff, she became curious and asked what was happening when I returned to the cockpit. I replied that I was making up a ditch bag, and she misheard me and asked about the "bitch bag". I told her what was in the ditch bag and its purpose, and added that the "bitch bag" was one I would fill with rocks and tie to her.

[Stillraining]

And she is now married to whom....

[sailhog]

When we purchased our boat two years ago, I immediately christened it "The Love Boat." My wife knew what I meant by this. Our two daughters, ages 5 and 7, of course, were thinking The Love Boat meant general, good natured, Platonic love. While discussing the idea of The Love Boat, I began playing grab-ass with my wife, who began swatting away my hand every time I lunged for her privates. Meanwhile, our daughters prepared to dress up The Love Boat by cutting out harts. A few minutes into this, our youngest daughter came up to us with a big paper cut-out of a hart. Then she said somehting very puzzling. We thought she said, "I want to glue the hard-on." My wife tried her best not to laugh. Then she whispered to me, "I want to glue it to your zipper."

Anyway, my wife and I finally figured out what our daughter meant. Since the 5-year-old didn't get a response from her parents about what she wanted to do, she went below for a tube of Elmers glue, and then scrambled with her hart to the mast where she "glued the hart on" to the leading edge just below the mast ring. That's what she meant by "glue the hart on."

[Sapperwhite]

Originally Posted by sailhog

... every time I lunged for her privates....

You sir are truly a master of the english language..... so eloquent, so refined. Your writing style brings a tear to my eye.

[sailhog]

Sapper, you obviously have great literary taste. What do you think of these beautiful lines:

"As I kneaded the pink ripples of fat that made up her great big butt, I felt a tighening sensation in my crotch. I was ready for love."

[CharlieCobra]

I think it must be about 2 AM and you're on your 10th or 11th drink by now. Don't chew yer arm off in the mornin'.

[Sapperwhite]

Originally Posted by sailhog

Sapper, you obviously have great literary taste. What do you think of these beautiful lines:

"As I kneaded the pink ripples of fat that made up her great big butt, I felt a tighening sensation in my crotch. I was ready for love."

Is that a haiku?

[sailhog]

Originally Posted by Sapperwhite

Is that a haiku?

No, it's not a haiku. It's just some free verse I've been working on. Thinking about submitting it to the New Yorker, or maybe the Paris Review.

How about this poem:

as I withdrew the string
of ping-pong balls
from her great big butt
she whimpered
and moaned

[Sapperwhite]

Wonderful composition! I'm moved

[Stillraining]

Hog....Thoes bright , Cute, and charming little girls of yours are definitely adopted...