A friend once told me that stress is what happens when the conscious mind overrides the lizard brain when it desperately wants to choke someone who deserves it.
I believe that.
Yesterday, as I was sitting aboard a friend's old Columbia 34 at one of the local marinas, we were all chatting with the folks in the boat in the next slip. A little background. The owners retired a few years ago, and have taken an old Westsail 32 and completely refurbished her until she is truly a work of art. The brightwork gleams with gallons of
varnish. The teak deck is gorgeous, which is a real trick here in north Florida where you can grow all manners of nasty things in a teak deck.
Anyway, we're all sitting around enjoying a pint and repartee, and the folks next door's company shows up. The guy is wearing a dark blazer, tan slack and street shoes. The woman is in a (too short for her) cocktail dress and spiked high heels.
The 'welcome' footmat says: "Deck Shoes or No Shoes".
Across the gate is a sign that says: "Deck Shoes or No Shoes."
I don't blame the guy. If my decks looked like that, I'd ask the same, at the very least.
Said guests simply ignore the sign, open the gate and climb aboard. The look on the owners' faces were the perfect description of 'crooked grin'. I thought the male owner was going to choke the guy while his wife choked the woman in her spiked heels.
Always helpful, and never bashful, I said, "Hey, dummies! Can't you read?"
The woman turns and glares at me. "I'm wearing nylons. I'm not going barefooted. Besides, these shoes are brand new. They won't leave marks."
I muttered, "Illiterate and stupid, to boot." My friends agreed silently.
The Westsail owner shot me a look of thanks for being nasty to his wife's friends. Then he said, "You have to take those shoes off. You're going to poke holes in the deck and leave black marks all over everything!"
The would-be guests made noises, and decided to leave. We all sat and watched the pair make their way back up the dock toward the parking lot.
Once they were well and truly gone, we all wound down and laughed a bit.
Some people really do deserve to be choked. Or shot. Or wrapped in extra chain and fed to the crabs.
Grrr.