My Final Respects

[sailortjk1]

My Final Respects

Courtney Paige Clevenger
1985 – 2008
Too young, Much too young





Less than a year ago, a fellow member of Sailnet posted an announcement on one of the bulletin boards. The context of the thread was about his very ill very young daughter. It was obvious that this sailor was in a lot of emotional pain and that his daughter was very ill.


I thought to myself, what could I do, what can any of us do? The only thing I could think of was to offer my support by giving him some of my time. The man was out to sea on a stormy night and his sails were tattered and torn. I thought, I too am a sailor. What do sailors do? They help each other when in times of trial. So like the sea captain who comes across another boat tossed in the waves, I tried to lend a helping hand.


A pleasant surprise happened along the way. I got the pleasure of meeting this special daughter of his that he had talked so highly of. I was not sure how I would react to such a meeting and I was nervous of meeting the lovely daughter, but meet her I did.


Our meeting was in the twilight of her life, for we all know that she was very ill from a terrible disease and that her prognosis was not one of a good outcome. But, this young lady welcomed me into her life. I would go and visit when I could, and she was always grateful to see me.


She was a proud girl and cared not for herself and the dreadful condition she was in, but rather she always thought, “How can I help?”


The first time I visited she was in a lot of pain but still full of a lot of life. She told me not about herself, but rather about other girls who are in the same condition that she is in and how they are learning new “stuff” everyday and how what she is going through will someday benefit others. She told me stories of how she “mentors” other girls and how they sometimes call each other “just to talk”.


Now, I must say, she was telling me all of this from a hospital bed. She was in pain, agonizing pain. But that did not stop the spirit of this courageous girl. It was very difficult for her to even breath, but she was determined to help as much as she could.


Courtney accepted her fate. This was the only way in which she was able to “help others.” She fought her disease hard to the very end, but at the same time she accepted it. She said to me once, “Some people are Doctors, some people are Lawyers, I am a Cancer patient, its what I do.” Believe me, she did not mean this in a negative tone, but rather, what she meant was, I am a cancer patient, how can we learn from this? How can others benefit from this? How can I do my part to help? Just like doctors and lawyers help other people, How can I help?


She helped many. Always helping, she never gave up.

When I would take leave of her for the evening, she would always say to me, “Thanks for coming.”
This is the type of person she was. A thank you was never out of the question even from a terribly sick little girl.


Before she had taken a turn for the worse, my wife Julie also got to meet this young lady. All I can say is what fun it was. Julie got right onto that bed with her and those two girls talked like only girls can talk. I think Courtney was thinking, “thank God you brought me somebody intelligent to talk with.” They talked and talked and talked, about procedures and such and what I am doing tomorrow and about how my day was and oh yes do I tell you, “I walked today.”


On one occasion we got to see a glimpse into the life of the healthy Courtney before all this dreadful stuff happened. Big sister should us a video of the girls playing around, and guess what they were doing? Dancing. Dancing like bumble bees around nectar. This girl had a love for life and a love for all that life had to offer. We got to see this side of Courtney from a 1-minute video. It was obvious; she was full of life.


When the pain began to be too much, the doctors had to put her on medicine to help relieve the pain. She began to become somewhat incoherent. I would simply touch her hand or stroke her arm and she would smile at me with that Courtney smile.


Courtney was a brave girl and she never gave up. That night while the girls were talking she proclaimed that she was going home in two weeks. That she had had enough of this hospital stuff; that she “Needs a vacation.”


Well, she is home now. Right where she belongs and she is on that much needed “Vacation.”


Having read some of the Guest Books, it is obvious how much love this girl had. She touched more lives than any person I have ever known. The support that she has received for her will to fight and for her willingness to help is a testament to the life she lived.


Since Courtney has passed, I have struggled with it. Like everybody else, I ask why? She is too young. This should not have happened. I am sad and I am depressed that such a beautiful angel could be taken away from us. But than I think of Courtney and I realize, she would not want me to be sad, she would not want me to cry.


She would want me to live. She would want me to dance.
Thank you Courtney for teaching me how to “Dance.”

[SVCarolena]

Well said, thank you so much for helping to bring Courtney into our lives as well. Though I never met her, I certainly learned a lot from her through the words of others. May we all endeavor to be half as strong and unselfish as Courtney.

[Cruisingdad]

Very touching Tim. Thanks. She will be remembered here too.

Brian

[PBzeer]

Well said Tim. I've been reluctant to say anything, as I find it hard to match words to the feelings Courtney and her family have given me. So I'll merely say, thank you Mike, for not only letting us share Courtney's story and struggle, but that of all your family. I feel blessed to have known such strength, courage, selflessness, and perserverance, but most of all the love that exists within your family.

[DJEVANS]

I think Courtney would have loved this, Tim.

"I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

[Giulietta]

Amen, Tim.

[chucklesR]

I'm not good with words when it is time to be solemn.
I've read and followed the Courtney threads with no comment simply because of that, i.e., a loss of words.
Tim, if I could, I've had said it your way - and thrown in some of DJ's quotes from "I hope you dance".

Thanks for saying it for us.

[Stillraining]

Right on Tim

[sailingdog]

Nicely said Tim... Nicely done.

[ckgreenman]

Thanks Tim. You are obviously a lot better with words than I am. While I never had a chance to meet Courtney I can only imagine what an effect she had on everyone around her. I don't normally get involved with these types of situations in an online forum such as this but something drew me to open the "Wish for the new year" thread. I read through it and visited all the links, viewed the videos, and read all the subsequent threads. I'm very glad I did. And even though we've never met, Courtney had touched me, and had an affect on my life as well.

She will be missed but her memory will live on in all of us.