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10-12-2008
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,394
Rep Power: 8
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thoughts that keep me up at night.
1. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
2. Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
3. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
4. If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?
5. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
6. Is there another word for synonym?
7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
8. Is there another word for thesaurus?
9. Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?
10. If the front of your truck says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?
__________________
We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through
Some people are like slinkies: not really good for anything... but you can't help laughing when you push them down the stairs
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10-12-2008
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Handsome devil
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: LaConner,Washington
Posts: 3,477
Rep Power: 7
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If you made thoes up your in the wrong line of work...funny stuff Paul
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10-12-2008
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Owner, Green Bay Packers
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 10,322
Rep Power: 9
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Now I'm going to be up all night! (g)
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10-12-2008
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,394
Rep Power: 8
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no, I filtched 'em off the net,
but now... dammit, I canna sleep.
I would go into my dilithium crystals and why Scotty never has carried a spare in the fridge rant, but I've done that one and it still pizzes me off.
and while I'm at it, whos the nitwit that these warnings are intended for?
A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding
A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed
A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used."
A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device."
A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating."
A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."
A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping”
A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”
A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.”
A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”
and my personal favorite...
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”
Now theres a visual that scares the pajeebers outta me.
__________________
We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through
Some people are like slinkies: not really good for anything... but you can't help laughing when you push them down the stairs
Last edited by cardiacpaul; 10-12-2008 at 01:57 AM.
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10-12-2008
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Handsome devil
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: LaConner,Washington
Posts: 3,477
Rep Power: 7
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yes it is working it's wicked ways on you ...it's almost 2:00am ...take two aspirins and 2 shots of rum and call me in the morning... 
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10-12-2008
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,088
Rep Power: 7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cardiacpaul
1. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
2. Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
3. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
4. If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?
5. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
6. Is there another word for synonym?
7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
8. Is there another word for thesaurus?
9. Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?
10. If the front of your truck says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?
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11. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
12. If Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
but the most vixing of all is, what the hell is up with toadstools ??, Have you ever seen a freak'n toad sitting on one
__________________
1978 Tayana 37
Freedom comes when you’re ready to sail away. True freedom comes when you don’t have to return
Cut off from the land that bore us, betrayed by the land we find, where the brightest have gone before us and the dullest remain behind, .......but stand to your glasses, steady,.......tis all we have left to prize, raise a cup to the dead already, hurrah for the next that dies
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10-12-2008
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never convicted
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: ft myers beach
Posts: 482
Rep Power: 5
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lexicon is another word for thesaurus
__________________
"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, Wisdom is better than silver and gold"----Bob Marley
100T Master NC
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10-12-2008
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Alex, not full of crap
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Lafayette, CO
Posts: 2,447
Rep Power: 7
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Why isn't Phonics spelled phonetically?
__________________
Charlie
Courtney's my Dancing Angel
Where am I, and where's my paddle?
It's not impossible, it just costs more.
Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.
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10-12-2008
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Hudson sailor
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hudson Valley
Posts: 11
Rep Power: 0
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CPaul here is another...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cardiacpaul
no, I filtched 'em off the net,
but now... dammit, I canna sleep.
I would go into my dilithium crystals and why Scotty never has carried a spare in the fridge rant, but I've done that one and it still pizzes me off.
and while I'm at it, whos the nitwit that these warnings are intended for?
A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding
A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed
A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used."
A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device."
A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating."
A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."
A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping”
A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”
A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.”
A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”
and my personal favorite...
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”
Now theres a visual that scares the pajeebers outta me.
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Dear Cardiac Paul,
When my kids were little and Polish jokes were all the rage I bought a bicycle (made in Poland) for one's Christmas present that required assembly. I brought the box home, opened it, only to discover there were hundreds of parts! Every nut and bolt and funny bike part and training wheels all in parts, every two items had to be assembled.
Uncharacteristically for me I understood that I would need to read the instructions to put this one together before Christmas. I found the instruction page in a baggy in the box, opened it and read: "Do not attempt to ride this bicycle prior to assembly". Good advise.
AV
__________________
AVY
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10-12-2008
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AFOC Stinkus Potus
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,374
Rep Power: 4
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Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?
__________________
Chris
S/V "The Jade Dragon"
1975 O'Day 25
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