Heres my platform in a nutshell.
Domestic policy.
Health care.
You got it now, good. Keep it. If that means you stay in a job you hate, then it ain’t that bad is it.
You ain’t got it? That sucks, We’ll take care of ya if you’re dyin’. (not much of a change)
Oh, whackjobs and nutcases get covered too. Deal with that Humana.
Illegal? Not suppose to be here? we’ll treat ya for that ear ache… before you check out, here… the cops are here to hike your sorry azz over the border. I don’t care if you have 13 chillin’s waitin’ fer ya back at the trailer, shoulda thought about THAT before you came strollin’ in with the woofers blazin’ eh Paco?
Preggers and not supposed to be here? c’mon in… We’ll deliver the latest Juan Jesus for ya… along with that one way ride back to the border, sucks to be you Carmalita.
Credit/banking crisis.
To those that are upside down, the house flippers and the “industry” that pointed fingers.
Y’all got enough of a flippin handout. You bought the box on the rocks, you live in it. Can’t pay? Get the eff out. Go back to the trailer. I don’t care, I don’t feel a damn bit sorry for ya. NOBODY twisted your arm to sign for that ARM/NoDoc/Balloon.
Don’t come cryin’ to the gubmint and say “I didnna know what I was signin’” That just tells me you’re too damn stoopid to own a house anyway.
Stock market/Wall street, “Investment” banks.
One word. Risk. Ok, two words. Risk - Reward. Kinda like the poker table ain’t it.
Keep the playing field level or the Feds will come down on you so hard, you’d wish you’d owed money to “Jimmy the Nose”.
Taxes. Flat tax, 15-20%. Period.
Car Industry.
Ford sells 40,000 F-150s A MONTH.
Why aren’t you boys able to beat Toyota at OUR game?
Heres an idea. Tell the UAW what their next contract is going to look like. If Union boys don’t like it, they can strike.
Trust me after about 6 months of that shite, they’ll be thinkin’ about that job they ain’t doin’ anymore and ask ya real nice if that offer is still good. Then, take 10% off that offer and tell them to sign it, or there will be a full page ad in the paper tomorrow looking for new employees. Unemployment while they’re out on strike? Sorry, we can’t afford that anymore. Ok, 13 weeks, I hear the tomatoes need pickers.
One more thing. LISTEN to regular folks that walk into Bills house of Chevys. He knows what he wants to drive. Build it. He’ll buy it.
Foreign policy.
Folks around the world… The free food store is closed. Oh, yah, to the tin-horn dictator with all the badges and the spiffy uniform… you point one gun in our direction, have the plans ready to see what you can do with a parking lot. A big one, one just about the size of your country.
The money store is closed too. No more aid. Period. Global economy my skinny azz. Make something, sell it to us. We’ll pay cash for it. Don’t make anything? That sucks.
We’ll keep our bases in your country, if WE want to. If not, we’ll sell you what empty buildings are left, after we gut ‘em. Whos gonna protect you from the ruskies now, eh? Oh, you don’t want us to go? Ok, heres your bill. 2% 10 days, 30 day net. No camels or cheese in trade, cash.
Illegal aliens. Theres a real big border out there... you jump it, you're trespassin'. People get shot for that, understand-o?
Sneakin' around under the radar? Don't bitch when you get caught, separated form your chicka and chillins' and get sent back on the first thing smokin' south.
Gay unions.
I don’t give a shite, they should have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us. I can’t wait for the first child support agreement. BUT, if you’re gonna treat adam and steve as a married couple, so they can get insurance, theres a few of us pointers and setters livin’ in sin that will want the same policy, natch.
Gays in the military. If they can shoot, give ‘em a gun. If they try to decorate it, kick them in the azz and give ‘em a do-over. One… then, kick them out.
What’d I forget?
Oh yea, crime... Mostly a states issue, 'cept for these...
If you mess with a kid, you die.
If you mess with an old person, you die.
If you steal from anyone, you go to jail.
If you use dope, pot included, you go to jail. (get the law changed, till then, jail)
If you beat up your old lady, you go to jail. (unless she had it comin' )
If you let your old lady beat the snot out of you... you had it comin'.
You hurt a cop, you die.
I don't care if yo' momma didn't hug you enough, or were bottle fed, i don't care if yo daddy walked out on you, someday, you're gonna learn to mind somebody. Got it?
No jail space? Got it covered. Theres a whole pile of fellas that used to be auto workers lookin to pour concrete now...
Drug addict?
The DEA has a whole pile of the stuff just waiting to be burned. That costs money. C'mere, sit down, have some... no, you ain't gonna leave, you sit here and poke holes in your arm, snuff it up your nose, smoke it, whatever you wanna do, you don't leave till its all gone, okey dokey?
Just call me High Commander.
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