frog and Irishman....

[Rockter]

An Irishman walks into the doctor's surgery with a frog on the top of his head.

The doc thinks it's a joke and pulls on the frog but it is apparent that the frog is joined to the Irishman, who stares blankly ahead, in silence.

The other docs are summoned to see this phenomenon, including the professor of medicine who asks, "how did this start?".

Then the frog says "It started as a wart on my bum".

[painkiller]

Rockter, I am half Irish and I find this joke highly offensive!!!!

However, the other half of me thinks it's funny.

[TxLnghrn]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, are sitting next to each other in a pub. The bartender places a pint down in front of each of them with a fly in it.
(use your own accents here they'll be better than mine)

Englishman: "Bartender, there is a fly in my pint, take it away and bring me another."

Scotsman: picks up the fly tosses it aside and starts drinking.

Irishman: picks up the fly holding it by the wings over his glass "Spit it out. Spit it out damn you."

[poopdeckpappy]

An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What’s this?" the boss asks?
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Irishman.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when do I start?"

[blt2ski]

LOLOLOL

unlike CK, this 90+% background in UK is enjoying the jokes!

marty

[painkiller]

I half-chuckled at that one, Pap!

[bubb2]

You have to a little Irish in ya to understand!!!


An Irishman is a man who? May not believe there is a God,
but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...
Won't eat meat on Friday,
but will drink Jameson for breakfast.....
Has great respect for the truth,
he uses in emergencies...
Sees things not as they are
but the way they never will be.....
Cries at sad movies,
but cheers in battle....
Hates the English,
but reserves his cruelty for countryman....
Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....
Believes in civil rights,
but not in his neighborhood...
Believes to forgive is divine,
therefore doesn't exercise it himself....
Loves religion for its own sake,
but also because it makes it so
inconvenient for his neighbors....
Scorns money,
but worships those who have it...
Considers any Irishman who
achieves success to be a traitor

[N0NJY]

I am a great part Irish and I take great offense to Irish jokes calling the French "Frogs"....


/grin

[poopdeckpappy]

Sean and Casey landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Sean yelped, "Casey, I've lost me bleedin finger!!!"

Have you now?" says Casey, "And how did you do it?"

"Well, I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...God damn it, there goes another one!!!"

[Rockter]

An Irishman is working in a woowork workshop.
He is using the bandsaw and it is a delicate cut.
His gets too close and his ear gets cut off flush with his head.
The ear whips up around the bandsaw and is thrown down the workshop among the scattered wood-cuts.
"Oh my ear, my ear, where's my ear?", he cries.
Everybody looks frantically for the ear.
They look here, and here, and here.
One guy thinks he has found it, but it is behind a big sheet of marine play in the corner and he cannot see it clearly.
"Is this your ear here?", he asks.
The earless Irishman peers into the semi-darkness behind the marine ply, his hand still clasped to the side of his head, and says "No, no, mine had a pencil behind it".
.