Opening book line competition.

[Andyman]

Competition to write the worst opening line for a book. There's even a couple that relate to sailing.

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2011.htm

[SloopJonB]

Sensing somehow a scudding lay in the offing, Skipper Bob tallied his tasks: reef the mains'l, mizzen, and jib, strike and brail the fores'l, mizzen stays'l and baggywrinkles, bowse the halyards, mainsheets, jacklines and vangs, turtle and belay fast the small ****, flemish the taffrail warps, batten the booby hatch, lay by his sou'wester, and find the bailing bucket.

I don't understand - how did this one get in the competition?

[Andyman]

Originally Posted by SloopJonB

Sensing somehow a scudding lay in the offing, Skipper Bob tallied his tasks: reef the mains'l, mizzen, and jib, strike and brail the fores'l, mizzen stays'l and baggywrinkles, bowse the halyards, mainsheets, jacklines and vangs, turtle and belay fast the small ****, flemish the taffrail warps, batten the booby hatch, lay by his sou'wester, and find the bailing bucket.

I don't understand - how did this one get in the competition?

I thought the same thing. Seems pretty normal to me.

[SloopJonB]

Originally Posted by Andyman

I thought the same thing. Seems pretty normal to me.

Maybe it was because we don't strike or brail the baggwrinkle.

[CalebD]

"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue.

Mike Pedersen"

Lost me somewhere after sapphire...

Here is one of my own submissions:

"The old Salt had hemorrhoids on his mind as he past into Passamaquoddy Bay headed towards 'Old Sow' the tidal whirlpool as the tide began to ebb. He had an itch he had to scratch."

Into the Vortex -- Old Sow Whirlpool

[SloopJonB]

Originally Posted by CalebD

"The old Salt had hemorrhoids on his mind as he past into Passamaquoddy Bay headed towards 'Old Sow' the tidal whirlpool as the tide began to ebb. He had an itch he had to scratch."

I trust you got at least a dishonourable mention.

[CalebD]

I would scoff at anything more then a dishonorable mention!

I haven't submitted it yet but I am waiting for yours...

[SloopJonB]

Originally Posted by CalebD

I would scoff at anything more then a dishonorable mention!

I haven't submitted it yet but I am waiting for yours...

Sorry, I won't be entering - I am incapable of writing that badly.

[Capt Len]

U guy wires couldn't even harden the snotter but for bad prose , youse take the cake weevils et al.