For the most part, I would just repeat more of the same. I am the designated skipper, not because I am the man, but because my wife has more confidence in my skills then in hers. (Notice I said SHE has more confidence, not that I actually have more skills, or less confidence in her's
) We have some friends where the wife is the captain, and he is the first mate, and for them it is as it should be.
For daily decisions, or anything we can talk about we do. I am not a guy who likes "giving orders" although I have met a few "captains" who do. However, there is an understanding on our boat that in an emergency situation, you need to have one person in charge so that you are all acting as a team toward one goal in any situation, not having everyone trying to do something different.
When we have guests on board (usually none sailors) I will always say something like "I am in charge on this boat, and therefore responsible for the safety of everyone on board. I do not like to give orders,you are free to be involved in the sailing as much or little as you want to. However, if I (or we) ever tell
you to do something rather then ask
you, please do it right away, no questions asked, and we can discuss why later."
So far I have only had to "tell" rather then "ask" a few times when things really went sideways, and always got a good response form the crew.
While being mindful of my responsibility for the safety of the vessel and crew, I am also mindful of relinquishing some control to the helmsmen. If my wife is sailing the boat and I am doing stuff below or just taking a break, I let her sail the boat. I don't jump in with "don't tack yet" or "ease the sheet there" unless
it is a matter of the safety of the boat or crew, or I am asked for help. Obviously she is a competent sailor and knows what she is doing, but we do have a few different ideas. She would rather tack early then get very close to shore. I tend to push the tacks a little farther. (And I am the one who ran into the sand bar last summer
) Our sail trim tactics tend to be different, I do not know who's are actually better, some days hers, some days mine, but bottom line is if she is sailing, let her sail, even though I may do it differently. When she is at the helm, I'll follow her orders and trim like she wants as long as it will not harm the boat or crew.