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post #17 of Old 09-22-2016
Landwalker
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Re: Can't get husband on board with cruising

Quote:
Originally Posted by notacoolkid View Post
It's like we're trapped by our security in this suburban life, and I don't want to just stay here and work til I die. He shows me spreadsheets, and talks about all the financial freedom we'll have in 10 years or so when our youngest graduates from high school. But that's TEN YEARS. Not only do I not want to wait, but I want to get out there with our kids!
So, I feel like I need to preface this by saying "I am not an experienced sailor, and only just started learning this year, so what follows is not the advice of a sailor on how to get a spouse on board with cruising [Side-note: My long-term goal is also to convince my wife to go cruising]."

So with that disclaimer out of the way:

I can completely sympathize with your husband. I recently went through what basically amounted to a mid-life existential crisis over our own financial situation, and yes, spreadsheets were involved and calculations to determine years-to-financial-independence and all of that. It was a... sobering experience. And I can see how incredibly easy it would be for someone who is spreadsheet-inclined to get hung up on "sticking to the plan," especially when any deviation from the plan can be reflected on the spreadsheet and you see your time-to-freedom slowly inching further into the future.

If you want to try to win over your husband to the idea of going cruising for a year now, my first word of advice would be "take the advice of people with more life experience than me, who have all already posted." But, being someone who has the same dream, I'll offer some alternative advice anyway: Engage your husband on his own "battlefield," so to speak. If your husband falls back to the spreadsheets and the financial freedom in ten years, have spreadsheets of your own. Come up with a budget for cruising, so you can say "This is how much it will probably cost us to do this" (and be realistic about it). Show him (and yourself) what effect a year of cruising will have on "the plan." See if there is a way to fit "the dream" into "the plan" without wrecking the end-goal of financial freedom. Maybe you can spend a year cruising, and that pushes your financial freedom goal back by two yearsóis that worth it to you and, more importantly, is that a modification to "the plan" that he can accept?

The short version is this: In war, you want to choose the battlefield, but in matters of persuasion, you can't win unless you look at the situation on the other person's terms. Think about cruising the way your husband thinks about cruising, and look for a way to fit the pro-cruising argument into the spreadsheet-laden lens of "the plan."

...

And if that doesn't work, long weekend trips are always there as a bridge.

Current Boat: TBD
Currently Crewing: 22' Pearson Ensign (Wednesday Night Fall Racing)
Sailing Area: Casco Bay, Maine, USA
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