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post #1 of 11 Old 08-08-2019 Thread Starter
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Dealing with saying goodbye

Ok, kinda deep here.

One thing that keeps dawning on me is this:

When cruising, you meet so many fascinating people. And yet, like all sailors, you have to say goodbye.

How do all of you deal with this? I’m incredibly friendly and outgoing, so I meet so many awesome people. Many can’t do what I’m doing but wish they could, and go out of their way to help me. I find it incredibly difficult to say goodbye even though I know I going to awesome places and will meet more phenomenal people. How do you cruisers deal with this? Every time I leave for another port I feel like I’ll miss them dearly.

Is this the “unspoken” side of the gypsy lifestyle?

I hang out with who I want and am never in a place where I don’t want to be. Yet, this adventure is as much about the people I meet as the places I go. I enjoy hanging with other cruisers but I like the locals I meet too.

How do you handle this?

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post #2 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

I just keep adding to the people whom I try and keep connected to. These days it' is far easier to remain connected, but leaving is still such sad sorrow.

So far our cruising has involved big hops, followed by longish stays in one area. We aren't just visiting places. We become part of the community.

We have just said goodbye to our most recent home base, so I'm feeling the loss rather acutely right now, but this is just part of the life.

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post #3 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

Quote:
Originally Posted by alanr77 View Post

When cruising, you meet so many fascinating people. And yet, like all sailors, you have to say goodbye.
They were probably losers in another life so cut them off.



I find Boat Cards with peoples photos on them a great aide memoire and they sit in my card box that I sometimes flip through for a nostalgic moment looking at the last 12 or 13 years (too lazy to work out which).

Facebook keeps disparate adults in contact most easily. and I do try to add nice people.

And the world is round and pretty small. I keep bumping into people I met a year ago, or a decade ago.

Finally, when I sail from a port I never look back. My shoulders are firmly set upon the distant horizon as I set my sails and bed the boat down, and by the time I turn around for a look the coast is just a thin grey line and no one I've just left can see my tear.



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post #4 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

With today's social media, email and text, it's not hard to stay in touch, if you really want to. Most of the time, while an early note or two pass back and forth, it fades away. There are a few folks, however, that we've stayed directly in touch with, that we've met on our travels (both land and sea). I met a guy in Tortola about a decade ago, who lives in California. We've stayed in touch ever since and get together somewhat regularly on our respective travels around the country.


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post #5 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

Of course, the other side of the coin is that our community is pretty small and we usually see folks several times. Perhaps they circumnavigated, went home to change boats, or feed the cruising kitty, but it really is amazing how we keep re-encountering some folks. The only ones we can expect never to see again are those who quit.
I did my circumnavigation in the '70s and that was true even back then, but as mentioned, social media is indeed the biggest difference in keeping in touch these days.

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post #6 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

saying goodbye is bad luck.
i learned this at age 4, way back in 1954.
never say good bye.
cruising mates eventually re appear.... you see em in other locales... they donot go away, they and we just sail into new places.
the only goodbye is death.
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post #7 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

You meet many people cruising, and saying goodbye is really only saying see you later, because sooner or later you will run into them again. It sounds strange, but even if your plans are to only gunkhole around the Chesapeake for the next decade, and the other's plan is to sail around the world - you will end up seeing them again. I can't explain it other than its a small world.

For example, we had an AC unit go bad, so we drove it to the manufacturer to repair. Walking in the door with us, with an AC unit in their hands too, was friends we had made 7yrs ago in Panama, but hadn't seen since.

Many, many of the friends you make will quickly recede to the background of your life. It is nice to run into them again, but not crucial. Often, occasional emails or other contact keeps them in your life. The good friends you make, then part from, you will keep in regular contact. This will be natural. You may even visit them occasionally (and vice versa) throughout the rest of your life no matter how yours and theirs proceed.

For example, we made some good friends and parted ways over 6 yrs ago. Farewell (for now) | East of the Equator | M&M In the meantime, we have visited them several times while they worked in California, and are heading out next week to Turkey to spend a few weeks with them on their new boat there. During this time, we have kept in contact by usual means of email and social media.

So to me, the goodbye thing is just a natural way. It can be sad, but it is rational.

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post #8 of 11 Old 08-08-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkofSeaLife View Post
Facebook keeps disparate adults in contact most easily. and I do try to add nice people.
The correct spelling is "desperate".

Mark
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post #9 of 11 Old 08-09-2019
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Re: Dealing with saying goodbye

It’s never good bye but au revoir. As said we have a stack of boat cards that fills a draw after just 6 years and new ones come in constantly. We’ve handed out the same over that time. Also the non boating natives and expats.
But it’s true people we’ve meet in Maine show up in Bequia so no one is truly gone. The hard part is watching people swallow the anchor due to health, finances or age. But even then they aren’t gone. A couple met 5 years ago is staying with us for a few weeks later this month.
I believe the only way you can change Facebook’s behavior is by dropping your account. I believe face time beats social media in every way. So we do call and email and text but other than sites like this avoid social media. In fact to clear our heads and get stuff done go through non internet (except for emergencies j periods. Try it. It good for the soul.
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post #10 of 11 Old 08-09-2019 Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by outbound View Post
I believe the only way you can change Facebook’s behavior is by dropping your account. I believe face time beats social media in every way. So we do call and email and text but other than sites like this avoid social media. In fact to clear our heads and get stuff done go through non internet (except for emergencies j periods. Try it. It good for the soul.
I totally agree with this. Deleted Facebook long ago.


Totally get what y’all are saying. I actually said that to some people today- it’s not goodbye, perhaps we’ll run into each other again.

I found it interesting that this subject is just not one of those things discussed often. Everyone is worried about boat choice, storms ect. But saying goodbye to cool people you meet and explore with just wasn’t one of the things I had put much thought into.

Thank you for the insight into this. I’m sure I’ll work this out eventually. AA
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