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Re: Developing Courage - Managing Fear
You started this thread by asking about how to manage fear. Forty three posts later, you've gotten cultural advice, marital counseling, some sailing advice, invitations to self-criticism, psychological assessments, and some advice about fear. Some of it has been pretty good. I'll just stick to fear.
Fear is not "rational"--it's primal. It may or may not be rationally related to the circumstances at hand. I've experienced, and directly observed in others, both absence of fear in overtly hazardous (immediately life-threatening) situations, and severe fear in situations that were clearly (and known to be) not particularly dangerous. You can't reason your way, or her way, in or out of it.
So, first question--who wants to manage your wife's fear? You obviously want her to manage it but that is not enough. Does she want to manage fear or does she really want simply to not be afraid? There is a big difference. I wouldn't assume that she really wants to manage her fear just because she says so. You need to look at what she does, not what she says. If what she wants is to avoid fear, not manage it, that's what she'll try to do, and you cannot successfully force the issue. She, herself, needs to want to manage it if she is to succeed at managing it.
Second question, if she wants to manage fear, how does she do it? You already know part of the answer, because you included it in your first post: "In a stressful situation you fall back on your training." That's one half. The other piece is desensitization, or graduated habituation--starting with relevant situations that produce small, manageable amounts of anxiety, mastering those, then gradually working up in bite-sized pieces. And as for training--it's not just training--it's actually drill, i.e., repetition, to the level that behavior becomes automatic or reflexive. That way, when the fear-inducing stimulus occurs, the response doesn't require much (or any) analysis or judgment--just a "go"--and in the flow, enough calm usually comes that perception and judgment can kick back in
Last edited by OldEagle; 10-13-2016 at 06:22 PM.