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Here I thought I'd made up a totally off the wall use of beard yeast in baking (#2236),when up comes an article on vaginal yeast used to make bread. No ,I didn't make that up. Can't wait to find if it smells like fish . Sardine sandwiches for vegetarians may be possible .
 

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I want to name my next boat after Johann Sebastian Bach's sister Ellen.
Then when my wife asks me where I have been all this time I can say
"I've been to Ellen Bach"
Edited spelling thanks to spellcheck
 

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Here I thought I'd made up a totally off the wall use of beard yeast in baking (#2236),when up comes an article on vaginal yeast used to make bread. No ,I didn't make that up. Can't wait to find if it smells like fish . Sardine sandwiches for vegetarians may be possible .


Capt. Len maybe try a little harder not to scare off the few women left on this board.
 

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A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
(stolen from Facebook)
 

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YesterdayI was in the lineup at Costco,buying a big bag of doggy chow for my furry friend when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. No ,I said, I'm starting the Purina Diet again .It's essentially the perfect diet.You just fill your pockets with nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I added that I probably shouldn't as the last time I lost fifty pounds before I woke up in the intensive care with tubes in most of my orrfices and IV's in both arms. Horrified, She asked if the dog food had poisoned me.. No, I told her. I'd stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
 

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On a planet not too far away lives a hominoid species quite similar to humans. Some distinct differences however. Peacefully vegetarian, small brained. Females had three breasts and gave birth to triplets. The population was stable for untold generations until tectonic vulcanism nearly caused extinction. The most deadly feature was the clouds of radioactive dust that permeated their environment. The resulting mutations had profound effect on the humanoids. Firstly, brain capacity started to increase and as the characteristic was passed through generations ,migraine headaches became the norm as cranial development lagged behind its contents..Females found the big head feature sexually attractive and selectively chose their mates. Female also underwent genetic changes. they lost the asymmetrical breast placement and sported large symmetrical features The males found this very attractive, the big brain, not so much. One effect was the difficulty in feeding the third baby. Fortunately the newly developing problem solving ability of the larger brains quickly lead to improved animal husbandry for milk production and food in general. Population quickly grew, .enhanced by evolving social rules and the early discover that the constant migrane was eased by sexual activity. Aeons passed and their science and technology surpassed the level humans have developed today. However ,due to the inability to rectify or stabilize their chromosomal damage,,they turned to nearby planets in the hope of genetically modifying other species to their benefit.. .Several thousand years of activity on Earth has left strange customs among the earth humanoids ..The genetic studies have proven effective in several areas. The studies of earth cattle has lead to improved milk production on the home planet and it's rare for a large brained male to complain about a headache. ,,,This story was told to me by a man in a black suit and sunglasses. .His buxom companion said she was anxious for a genetic sample .Honest ,this is the truth.
 

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Borh science and society have long failed to address the need to quantify and qualify the variable nature of flatulance. To this end I prepose a graph..From 0 to 2 ,,, Internal rumblings --no points. 3 to 4 ,,,rose buds ..Barely noticeable pops 1 point ... Wish farts... the best kind .. smile at those around you and all make a wish. 3 points/wish...5 to 8 Extended `flobbery and loud... somewhat distasteful unless in private Can be funny depending on circumstances. discretionary 4 point,, depends......9 to 10.. definite juicer..This one takes practice .don't sit down on furniture without practice. 5 points. Silent but deadlys have no public social value so are not included in the datum. Familiarity with this graph may be as usefull as knowing your blood type and can be used as a basis for interesting conversation.
 

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A priest, minister, and rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priest insists that life begins at conception. The minister counters with the idea that life doesn't begin until birth.

The rabbi goes: "You are both wrong. You don't understand how the world works. Everyone knows that life begins when the children move out and the pets all die."
 

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The Gov of Canada recognizes that a mellow society is happier when stoned. To that end we legalized the canabis situation. The playing field is further levelled by the THC (Toronto Happiness Committee) whose mission is to perform random 'stop and test'.offering mandatory tokes while the accompanying street buskers sing about turning up that frown.
 

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So the Fang stocks lose a trillion.Even the TSX is down Only bright spot is Campbells stock price. The baby boomer generation of Canada ,taking advantage of legal cannabis sales have rediscovered the munchies.
 

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My ex wife crashed her car yesterday. Told the Police that the man she hit was on his mobile and drinking beer at the time.The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what he wanted in his own backyard
 

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Warning for those of you who drink alcohol at this time ‼ ️
Be carefu not to drive when you drink, now that Christmas is approaching.
On Friday I was at a Christmas party .��
When I knew I was over the limit I took a bus home.
I passed a control where they waved people over into the breathalyzer.
The bus was allowed to pass.
I came home without incident, which was a big surprise as I've never driven a bus before, and I really don't know where I got it from.
 

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Cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their hooves caught between the rails. A few months ago, Prime Minister Trudeau, received notice that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba . The ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Minister of the Agriculture to fire half of the "cattle" guards immediately! Before the Ministers of Agriculture could respond and presumably try to straighten the PM out on the matter, Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland intervened with a request that...before any cattle guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining. 'Times are hard,' said Freeland it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families be given six months of retraining! '
 

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I like to play the game called 'nap roulette' That's where I take a nap but don't set an alarm .
Will its be a 30 minute nap?
Will it be 4 hour nap?
Will I wake up tomorrow?
Nobody knows!
It's risky but living on the edge inspires me.
 
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