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Hello everyone.
I have made it my dream to live abord but I encountered alot of problems. I am planning on getting a cheap 40' boat and fixing it up myself so it will be the way I want it to be. I know a 40' sailboat is plenty of space for a family, however, my wife hates the idea. She simply does not want our kids or herself on the water. I personally love the idea and I know people who live on boats and live well.

I am tired of the B/S on land. I love the water. Does anyone have any ideas on how to change my wife's mind? By the way, we live in NJ.

Also, I intend to sail to Australia and England when and if I get a chance to.
 

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Telstar 28
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A good book to get is Changing Course, by Debra Anne Cantrell.

I would highly recommend you read it and then give it to your wife. :)
 

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Good luck persuading her. But first you should try daysailing with your family, so they can learn to enjoy it. Then a weekend cruise. Maybe over time she'll come to apreciate it.
 

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If your looking for support would suggest joining a sail club where there are other female sailors and families, and get involved with the club will give her a chance to hear from other ladies, as I'm sure they have stories to tell her when they first started out and how they have come to change their minds. This I can say first hand as was the way I got my wife interested, and she now loves living aboard and looking forward to our up coming sail.
 

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scurvy dog
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You should get it comfortable enough for a couple of overnighters first, then see how the family feel, for sure, it's not unreasonable for them to not share your love of boating.
My wife has lived aboard with me, then we moved to a house, and now she'd never move back onto a boat. In fact, neither she or the kids have much interest in sailing.
Now for a Bahamas trip, I either go solo or sail over with a buddy, who flies back, then the family joins me. That way we all enjoy it.

the last thing you want is to be on a boat with someone that doesn't want to be there.
 

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Certainly no one can tell you how to convince your wife. That is between the two of you and the family. How old are the kids? My oldest was on board at 5 days old and we lived aboard a Catalina 380 (with two dogs to boot!!).

Our Catalina 380 before a trip to the Tortugas​


My wife and oldest at the wheel​



Chase Watching TV 'Somewhere' in South Florida​



I will tell you that some of the best memories of my life have been on a boat... and some of the worst. Living aboard is very tough... much more tough than living on land. I think it requires a high level of commitment starting off. You then get an eye opener afterwards because things just are not what you thought they might be. It certainly is not all sunsets and margaritas. And after you have spent many weeks/months aboard, 40 feet gets very cramped. You will find that you either have to become an anal retentive neat freak, or you will be tripping over crap everywhere. You will also have the storms, the concerns for lightning, the crappy marinas, and I should also mention that a very large percentage (I estimate close to 95%) of those that will be around you either have no kids or are very retired. We were by far the youngest people on our docks. THat creates difficulties for kids as there is no one their age. There is also a LOT of drinking at the docks. Some do it responsibly while others... well, let's just say you need some noisy fans and hatch covers.

I think the most frustrating thing is all the crap that breaks or runs out. Examples are ice (an absolute luxury on a boat that everyone takes for granted until they live aboard), or pumping out the head every week (with pumpouts that do not work half the time), or running out of propane in the middle of a meal, or having the air conditioner blowing full blast in the middle of summer and still being hot down below because the decks are 40000 degrees. The list goes on.

I am not telling you all of this to dissuade you from cruising and Living Aboard. I am telling you this because I have done it and it is different from than what is portrayed in the magazines. At least it was for us. You will either find a way to deal with it, or burn out quickly. That is also why I think all parties (wife AND kids) need to be "on board" for living aboard or it will be a miserable experience.

On the flip side, we are going to do it again and are gearing up just for that. We loved it so much (and are so passionate about it) that we bought another boat and talked my parents into doing the same.

Dinner aboard mom and Dad's Tayana 42



You will also learn to be closer as a family. You will learn to appreciate and enjoy the very simple things of life and the simplicity of living on the water. You will come to truly love sun sets and birds flying by. You will come to know (for better or worse) all you neighbors and call them friends like we as a country used to do 50 years ago. You will come to respect the life on land and all of its conveniences that everyone takes for granted. You will then come to realize how commercialized everything has become. And in the end, if you can take it long enough, you will come to learn yourself and respect the world around you. But it isn't easy. I dare say it is much more difficult then living on land.

But it was/is worth it - to us at least...


Mom and Chase before a casual dinner​



Me watching the sun go down 120-130nm west of FL​



Chase Steering our 400​



Chase and Glen having fun​



Me and the boys playing a game​



Maybe it is sunsets and Margaritas after all??​

 

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Ideas to get her on board to sailing/LA would be:

1) Take a date night and see if you can go with some other people for a sail.

2) Find friends that have baots and are of similar mindsets (want to LA also).

3) Charter a boat for a week in the islands WITHOUT the kids.

4) Go to boat shows and just walk around.

5) Order the magazines and see if she will read some. THere are also some good books.

6) Once she is catching on to the idea, charter a boat in the islands WITH the kids.

7) When you do get her onboard, take care of her and make her feel comfortable. You are already sold on the idea. It is now up to you to make her feel comfortable with it.

- CD
 

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CD - I do admire your perspective on things.

I was going to tell the guy: "Dude you're scrude."

I think you did a much better job.
 

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Considering the size of your family, you'd probably be far better off with a mid-30's catamaran, than a monohull 40' LOA. There'd be a lot more space for the four children and two adults... and the fact that the boat doesn't heel like a monohull would be a point in its favor. A lot of catamarans will have two smaller staterooms forward and a larger master stateroom aft...

Some good choices would be:

Catalac 9/10M
Gemini 105
Prout SnowGoose
 

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WOW Mr.,

Have you got an uphill climb. Mt. Everest type of uphill. Not that it can't be overcome, but patience on your part will be of the greatest necessity.

Where are you from? If you are close to the water it might be nice to take a day cruise on a LARGE boat. Let her see the stability, and the room. I would make it an adult only date. Be smoochie smoochie, and get ready to get your nosed browned

The harder you push the more she will withdraw from the idea. Patience, and cunning will be needed. BEST WISHES in winning her over, and it won't be over night........i2f
 

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I had always dreamed of owning a boat and living aboard, several times over the last 30yrs my wife thought of just owning a sailboat, but her thoughts would soon fade

About 4 yrs ago she got really sick and was taken to a hospital while I was out at a race, so I didn't know until I got home, once I found out I quit racing after 40 yrs. One day I took her for a drive to get her some fresh air and we drove by a lake were she saw a couple sailboats, she soon started thinking of owning one again, I told her if she was serious, I would sell all the race bikes and get her a daysailer, well she was serious, we looked around, found a fixer upper, I sold all but one bike, bought the boat and sunk all the bike funds into it.

What started out as a weekend sailing, fixing and get away thing soon became a extended weekend get away..........(for her, I had to work), then it turned into only coming home to wash clothes then head back to the boat, we now live aboard full time and it was I that was dragging anchore not wanting to sell the house.

Bottom line is don't rush it, make every trip out enjoyable and comfortable, My wife loves every second of living aboard, her health is better than ever and she'll never be on land again ( her words, not mine )


A funny little side ditty, our first boat was a 26' daysailer and she banged her head 10 times a day in that thing, when we got our 37 footer, the first thing she did was fall down the campanion way, twisting her knee, she was useless for 3 months
,
 

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Well your right I2F, patience is the key, never let go of the dream, but also never force it, if it was meant to be, it will happen naturally and last the longest

My wife is never short on words, but when we're out sailing, it's like she is in chruch, she stares out and just has that content look barely saying a word, I swear she's in another time and when no land is in sight, she can be in any ocean she wants.

We recently got our new slip on the outside docks, our neighbor has been in the same slip for 40 yrs, my wife says she has no problem have this view for the next 40 either :cool: :cool:
 

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I like the charter a boat for a week idea. Go somewhere awesome like the virgin islands for vacation. She'll have a great time and will associate living aboard a boat with vacation, making her much more open to the idea.
 
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