Who is divorced because of sailing?

Very timely topic, as I just came back from the bank for a loan (for another boat)... I buy cheap boats, so its just a personal loan.

But, YES, my divorce wasn't ABOUT the boat, but the sailboat was an indicator on things in the marriage.

First I am happily married now, wife understands my hobby, and honestly has a more expensive hobby of her own... but my story is more about the ex (aren't they all?)

I had a Capri 14.2 (a dirt cheap boat by ANYONE's standards). I paid $2400 for the boat/motor/trailer. It was ALWAYS meant to be a trailerable centerboarder. I bought it in 2002, a year before my daughter was born. I sailed it twice, in 2002, the boat was 16yo at that point, so definitely not new, but it was in good shape.

The following spring my daughter was born, and the boat took an obvious back seat. I spent every NON-working hour with my daughter. I took feedings, and midnite fevers, and all. I regret not a minute I spent with my then baby girl. After she turned 3, I still spent every minute I could, but I wanted to get back sailing, a couple times a year, not a lot.

So I went once, and got the evil eye, and the sob story about how my wife spent countless hours with my daughter during the day (she was a stay at home mom after all)... So I felt guilty wanting to go out sailing for a couple hours every month or so.

After a year or so of never getting sailing, we were building a house, and had to stay with the in-laws while our house was built, because I took the EASY route, and sold our house first, THEN built a new house (because I am crazy conservative that way)... Staying with the in-laws wasn't all as bad as it sounds... it was actually harder on the ex than me.. but that's another story.

So during this period my boat went to my parents to be stored. I didn't want to clutter up the inlaws 7 acre property with my boat (or that's how it was billed to me by the ex).

So my sister wanted to sail during this period, so I justified leaving it with my Parents, then eventually at my sisters.

Now 2 more years, my sister was complaining about how I DUMPED my boat on her (hmmm, not how I remmebered it)... my new house on 3 acres had plenty of room, but the ex decided there was no room for it (I kid you not).

That was spring 2008... The ex and I were already not getting along, and as part of "marriage counseling" it came out that the ex was jealous of the boat, and the time I spent on it (what time?)... So the suggestion was made that we each have our "hobby" and set aside time to do it... that the boat come back. in 2008 I sailed the bottom off the boat, did a decent amount of upgrades... got my 5 year old out on it, did some swimming... had my daughter help with cleaning it and such... just really had fun. I got some GREAT sailing in on the boat.

Come Fall, the marriage wasn't getting better, only worse. So I left, in one of the toughest decisions of my life (because it meant I'd have less time with my daughter, the [ex]wife was nothing to be concerned with).

So you could say the boat was responsible, but honestly it was merely a symptom of the larger problem.

Later I wound up selling the boat for a measly $800 to pay atty fees.. I later bought a $200 zuma (bargain!!!), and sailed it one time in MAY (boy was that cold), in 15-20mph winds... had a blast but decided I was getting too old to do that (probably had more to do with it being MAY).

Now my new lovely wife, gets my obession. She fronted the $$ for my first keelboat when I had no money (mid-divorce, but after atty fees were paid). I bought a used Capri 22, which was frankly a stellar boat. I turned that into a Capri 25 a year later (and finances stabilized) for some spit and polish, $500, and a tank of gas. The Capri 25 has been a stellar boat to teach me to be a better sailor. I've enjoyed rebuilding that boat, and racing it successfully last year, this year my hearts not in it like it was.

NOW, the running joke was that my ex thought I was having an affair with the boat... so my now present wife sees me headed for the lake and goes "you going to F&*k your boat tonight?" She thinks its a riot. Which is why she just sat next to me while I went for the $$ to get my next project, I mean boat. I spent a decent amount of time now away from my daughter. It bothers me no end, and is a side effect of that divorce. It's OK though as the time I have with my daughter we've learned to ride horses, she's learning to sail, and now has a different outlook on life. I can't be with her as much as I'd like, but when she IS with us, she is never bored, and knows how to enjoy life.

Understand my present wife's crazy hobby had us driving from PA to MN in February to buy a larger pickup truck and a new Living Quarters horse trailer... during a NorEaster as it hit our area (we got 18+ inches of snow in 12 hours). So she doesn't like me spending the money on the boat, but she understands it.

My point in all this, if you are getting divorced over your sailing, its likely you have other issues than the sailing.

I hope someday to be telling you about how my daughter is doing while racing. Maybe another year or two

DRFerron said:

Maybe you could rig something where she has a stationary bike (attached to the deck?) on board that generates power as she cycles. Win win.

Click to expand...

There were some, let me think of a PC term..."special" people that lived on a 30' boat in very bad shape in my marina. The motor was blown so they removed it. The female had once been a nationally ranked mountain biker. They were pretty much out of money so the male party rigged up a stationary bike that ran through a series of belts and pulleys to where it connected to the prop shaft. They were convinced she would be able to peddle the boat in and out of marinas... On eviction day she went below as they headed out of the marina. Despite much yelling of encouragement from the male, the boat moved about 15' in a few minutes and the female came up on deck soaked in sweat and out of breath. They ended up poling and rowing their way out with a couple of whisker poles. It's amazing how narcotics alter a person's ability to reason! This happened the day after the male, clearly having a mental episode with the help of drugs, tried to drown another guy on the dock because he believed he was killing "satan". The guy that nearly drowned was no angel, but he surely isn't satan either!

My wife has done a bit of a turn-around.

When I bought the boat last fall I remember struggling in our narrow alley to get it backed into the parking spot beside the garage. She sat looking out the kitchen window, drinking a glass of Chardonnay and glaring at me. There were comments about unfinished projects...

She was quite insistent that no "house" money be used on the boat, this all had to come out of my personal spending money. Refinishing the basement and building a deck came first. Harrumph.

Fast forward to her first sail this summer… Now she's all over that boat! She's planning when we can take various friends out and she tells everyone what a great time we had watching fireworks on Independence Day from the boat. And the "house" money thing? Now she says "Did I ever say that? If you need something for the boat, just go buy it."


Same thing with charters. It took me forever to get her to go on a charter. She thought it would be a lot of work, she thought she'd get seasick. But now that she's been on a couple she can't wait for the next. She's already planning meals for a trip in late September.


Mind you, she still doesn't care one whit about the actual sailing part, she'd be just as happy on a motor vessel. But at least she's getting into boats, so it's a start!